Because of my mother's influence, I didn't have many friends during my school days. Even if I got close to someone, after a few days we would drift apart, or my mother would complain and get my father to influence me to leave them. Since I was little, I had this thing - I treated them like my best friends, but I was not that close to them. I have only one school friend, but she has also become quite distant from me now. We who used to message every day now talk very rarely.

In 2023 (November) when I entered university, the girl I became closest to was named Paboda. A few days after the course started, she started a relationship with Chammi, who was our batch rep and my closest friend. Chammi had another friend named Gawiru. When Chammi and Paboda fought, Gawiru and I were the ones who intervened and solved it. Later, from the acquaintance we had from talking, a relationship started between me and Gawiru. But he always tried to hide that relationship from the outside world. At the very least, he didn't even like me holding his hand, sitting near him, or even waiting to eat until he came. He directly said, don't tell anyone about this, I don't want anyone to know.

But after about a week, suddenly a fight happened between us. Then he avoided me for a while and came back and said I was stressing him out, that within a single day he almost had a car accident twice because of me, that his peace of mind is above even his mother, saying things like that he broke up with me. (February 2024)

After that Paboda also suddenly distanced herself from me. She started treating me in a way to avoid me. I was really down and I talked to Chammi and shared my sadness. Paboda distanced Gawiru from me a lot to take revenge for me getting close to Chammi. Gawiru also joined in and hurt me a lot.

After that they combined two groups that each had three girls and made a bigger group. That isolated me even more and Paboda used it to hurt me and exclude me. Even though Gawiru understood it, he acted like he didn't. Later I learned that Paboda thought I was dating Chammi.

Then around March, Gawiru started going after a girl in that group, he had even told her that he loves her and wants her. He who didn't even let me hold his hand when I was with him, later even sent her flowers and chocolates.

In that group, what happened was, I was close to all of them but no one was close to me as my closest friend. I am with everyone but no one is there for me, they have secrets among themselves. So with nothing else to do, even though I was isolated and hurt, I stayed with them. No one knew what happened between Gawiru and me except Paboda and Chammi. Slowly I just stayed with them but I didn't have a good group of friends. In that group Paboda and Dinara (the girl Gawiru liked) had a fight and I intervened to solve it. After that, slowly the others in the group accepted me to some extent.

Time passed and the year-end group project started. Then due to a disagreement between Gawiru and Paboda, there was a fight and Gawiru removed Paboda from that group and put me into his group. That renewed old friendships and we started talking. During that time he had already started a relationship with a girl from another university named Kawindi.

Later, as time went by, one day he suddenly kissed me in the lift. I was shocked. Later in a call after going home, he cried and said that I am more compatible with him than Kawindi. A few days later we started the relationship again. Then for about two months we were happy. At the same time, interviews for the second year were called. Then all of them got selected but I didn't. There were people with lower qualifications than me, they also got selected.

Then slowly Gawiru started avoiding me again. I was very upset, I was afraid he would leave me again. I took food for him, loved him as much as I could, but it was clear he was avoiding me. He refused to let me hold his hand, deliberately sat far away from me, and hurt me a lot. When I asked him why he was avoiding me, he said that anyway I will have more work ahead and he hasn't been home much these days. But I heard that he was on calls with other girls. Then he told me he has a relationship with Kawindi and he hasn't stopped it. He will marry me but the families know about that relationship and he needs at least two years to get out of it. I completely broke down... He further reduced messaging me and taking my calls... Then one day I was very tired and talked to him and he made a joke without caring at all, I got very angry and said I'll call later and cut the call. After that not a single call or message came from him, I broke down even more. Later I heard that he was behaving inappropriately close with another girl.

Question

Because of my mother's influence, I didn't have many friends during my school days. Even if I got close to someone, after a few days we would drift apart, or my mother would complain and get my father to influence me to leave them. Since I was little, I had this thing - I treated them like my best friends, but I was not that close to them. I have only one school friend, but she has also become quite distant from me now. We who used to message every day now talk very rarely.

In 2023 (November) when I entered university, the girl I became closest to was named Paboda. A few days after the course started, she started a relationship with Chammi, who was our batch rep and my closest friend. Chammi had another friend named Gawiru. When Chammi and Paboda fought, Gawiru and I were the ones who intervened and solved it. Later, from the acquaintance we had from talking, a relationship started between me and Gawiru. But he always tried to hide that relationship from the outside world. At the very least, he didn't even like me holding his hand, sitting near him, or even waiting to eat until he came. He directly said, don't tell anyone about this, I don't want anyone to know.

But after about a week, suddenly a fight happened between us. Then he avoided me for a while and came back and said I was stressing him out, that within a single day he almost had a car accident twice because of me, that his peace of mind is above even his mother, saying things like that he broke up with me. (February 2024)

After that Paboda also suddenly distanced herself from me. She started treating me in a way to avoid me. I was really down and I talked to Chammi and shared my sadness. Paboda distanced Gawiru from me a lot to take revenge for me getting close to Chammi. Gawiru also joined in and hurt me a lot.

After that they combined two groups that each had three girls and made a bigger group. That isolated me even more and Paboda used it to hurt me and exclude me. Even though Gawiru understood it, he acted like he didn't. Later I learned that Paboda thought I was dating Chammi.

Then around March, Gawiru started going after a girl in that group, he had even told her that he loves her and wants her. He who didn't even let me hold his hand when I was with him, later even sent her flowers and chocolates.

In that group, what happened was, I was close to all of them but no one was close to me as my closest friend. I am with everyone but no one is there for me, they have secrets among themselves. So with nothing else to do, even though I was isolated and hurt, I stayed with them. No one knew what happened between Gawiru and me except Paboda and Chammi. Slowly I just stayed with them but I didn't have a good group of friends. In that group Paboda and Dinara (the girl Gawiru liked) had a fight and I intervened to solve it. After that, slowly the others in the group accepted me to some extent.

Time passed and the year-end group project started. Then due to a disagreement between Gawiru and Paboda, there was a fight and Gawiru removed Paboda from that group and put me into his group. That renewed old friendships and we started talking. During that time he had already started a relationship with a girl from another university named Kawindi.

Later, as time went by, one day he suddenly kissed me in the lift. I was shocked. Later in a call after going home, he cried and said that I am more compatible with him than Kawindi. A few days later we started the relationship again. Then for about two months we were happy. At the same time, interviews for the second year were called. Then all of them got selected but I didn't. There were people with lower qualifications than me, they also got selected.

Then slowly Gawiru started avoiding me again. I was very upset, I was afraid he would leave me again. I took food for him, loved him as much as I could, but it was clear he was avoiding me. He refused to let me hold his hand, deliberately sat far away from me, and hurt me a lot. When I asked him why he was avoiding me, he said that anyway I will have more work ahead and he hasn't been home much these days. But I heard that he was on calls with other girls. Then he told me he has a relationship with Kawindi and he hasn't stopped it. He will marry me but the families know about that relationship and he needs at least two years to get out of it. I completely broke down... He further reduced messaging me and taking my calls... Then one day I was very tired and talked to him and he made a joke without caring at all, I got very angry and said I'll call later and cut the call. After that not a single call or message came from him, I broke down even more. Later I heard that he was behaving inappropriately close with another girl.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

GURL LOOK HE IS NOT A GUY FOR YOU . HE IS FKING PLAY BOY INSTEAD OF GETTING ATTACHED WITH ME OR RETRYING A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM AGAIN. TRY TO MOVE ON . MAYBE FOCUS ON READING BOOKS OR TRY TO GET NEW NEW HOBBIES LIKE COLOURING . MAYBE U SHLD TRY MAKING ONLINE FRNDS SMTH ,  DONT OVERTHINK BCZ OF A RANDM GUY WHO PRETENDED TO LOVE YOU. NXT TIME IF U SEE HIM OR IF HE COMES TO U AGAIN , PLEASE DONT RESPOND TO HIM , HE IS USING U WHN NO OTHER GURLS ARE AVAILABLE , AS U HEARD HE BEHAVED INAPPROPRIATE WITH SOME GIRL PROBABLY HE IS SEX ADDICT . TRY MAKING A CRUSH

HOPEFULLY U WILL MEET UR BEST PPL IN UR LYF . SOON U WILL FIND UR BESTFRNDS TOO . I WISH I COULD BE UR BESTFRND BCZ UR STARTING PART OF THT MSG REALLY HEART TOUCHING BCZ I WAS IN SAME PHASE OF MY LYF . DEAR LOOK BE BOLD AND STRONG U WILL SUCCEED IN UR CAREER

HAVE A NICE DAY BYE LYSM

SEEMS LIKE U WONT BE HAPPY IF U READ THIS IM JST 18 YEARS . IF IT BOTHERED U IM REALLY SORRY