Am I Missing My Ex, or Am I Missing the Feeling of Being Loved, Wanted, and Being Someone's First Priority?

I am 24 years old, and lately, I've been struggling with a question that I genuinely cannot find an answer to.

I was in a relationship with a girl during the final year of my B.Tech in 2024. I loved her very deeply. She wasn't just someone I was dating; she was someone with whom I shared a strong emotional connection. We used to spend time together on campus, sit in our favourite places, talk whenever we got free, share our everyday experiences, and create memories that I still find difficult to forget.

She became an important part of my life, especially because I had already gone through a difficult phase emotionally. I lost my father in 2021 in Covid, and the aftermath of that loss was something I struggled with. Having someone beside me, someone I could talk to about almost everything, and feeling that someone genuinely cared about me meant more than I could probably express at the time.

Eventually, during our final year of engineering, things became difficult. Neither of us was getting placed, there was uncertainty about our careers and future, and we eventually decided to go our separate ways. It was painful for me because I genuinely loved her.

Fast-forward to a few months ago. I got an opportunity to work as a researcher under a professor at the same college where I completed my B.Tech. I accepted the opportunity and am now working there.

But there's something I wasn't prepared for.

Every time I walk around the campus, I am reminded of her. The places where we used to sit together, the spots where we spent time, the corridors, the familiar surroundings, and even the little things we used to do together bring back memories. It feels like I am living in an environment that constantly reminds me of a version of my life in which she was still around.

A few days ago, just before I left for my holidays, she visited the campus. We ended up going through some of our old conversations and revisiting things from our past. We had a deep conversation, and it brought back a lot of emotions. I eventually told her that I missed her.

And honestly, I think I do.

But I don't know what exactly I miss.

Do I miss HER as a person? Do I miss the connection we shared? Or do I miss the feeling of having someone who genuinely cared about me, someone I could talk to about absolutely anything, someone whose presence made ordinary days feel special?

Lately, I've also been feeling increasingly lonely. My old friends are occupied with their careers and their own lives. Everyone seems to be moving forward, and somewhere along the way, I feel like I've lost that emotional closeness I once had.

Sometimes, I feel that I don't necessarily want a particular person back. I just want someone to love me. Someone who makes me feel important, someone who chooses me, someone who makes me feel that I am their first priority. I want to experience that emotional intimacy again.

I feel like I've become lonely. I crave having someone with whom I can share the smallest details of my day, someone who genuinely looks forward to talking to me, someone whose presence makes me feel that I matter to them.

And this is where I get confused.

Am I genuinely missing my ex-girlfriend and the person she was, or am I simply missing the feeling of being loved, wanted, emotionally understood, and being someone's first priority?

Am I holding on to her because I haven't completely moved on, or am I holding on to those memories because that was one of the phases of my life when I felt emotionally connected to someone?

How do I distinguish between missing a person and missing the feeling that person once gave me?

I'd genuinely appreciate perspectives from people who have experienced something similar.

Question

Am I Missing My Ex, or Am I Missing the Feeling of Being Loved, Wanted, and Being Someone's First Priority?

I am 24 years old, and lately, I've been struggling with a question that I genuinely cannot find an answer to.

I was in a relationship with a girl during the final year of my B.Tech in 2024. I loved her very deeply. She wasn't just someone I was dating; she was someone with whom I shared a strong emotional connection. We used to spend time together on campus, sit in our favourite places, talk whenever we got free, share our everyday experiences, and create memories that I still find difficult to forget.

She became an important part of my life, especially because I had already gone through a difficult phase emotionally. I lost my father in 2021 in Covid, and the aftermath of that loss was something I struggled with. Having someone beside me, someone I could talk to about almost everything, and feeling that someone genuinely cared about me meant more than I could probably express at the time.

Eventually, during our final year of engineering, things became difficult. Neither of us was getting placed, there was uncertainty about our careers and future, and we eventually decided to go our separate ways. It was painful for me because I genuinely loved her.

Fast-forward to a few months ago. I got an opportunity to work as a researcher under a professor at the same college where I completed my B.Tech. I accepted the opportunity and am now working there.

But there's something I wasn't prepared for.

Every time I walk around the campus, I am reminded of her. The places where we used to sit together, the spots where we spent time, the corridors, the familiar surroundings, and even the little things we used to do together bring back memories. It feels like I am living in an environment that constantly reminds me of a version of my life in which she was still around.

A few days ago, just before I left for my holidays, she visited the campus. We ended up going through some of our old conversations and revisiting things from our past. We had a deep conversation, and it brought back a lot of emotions. I eventually told her that I missed her.

And honestly, I think I do.

But I don't know what exactly I miss.

Do I miss HER as a person? Do I miss the connection we shared? Or do I miss the feeling of having someone who genuinely cared about me, someone I could talk to about absolutely anything, someone whose presence made ordinary days feel special?

Lately, I've also been feeling increasingly lonely. My old friends are occupied with their careers and their own lives. Everyone seems to be moving forward, and somewhere along the way, I feel like I've lost that emotional closeness I once had.

Sometimes, I feel that I don't necessarily want a particular person back. I just want someone to love me. Someone who makes me feel important, someone who chooses me, someone who makes me feel that I am their first priority. I want to experience that emotional intimacy again.

I feel like I've become lonely. I crave having someone with whom I can share the smallest details of my day, someone who genuinely looks forward to talking to me, someone whose presence makes me feel that I matter to them.

And this is where I get confused.

Am I genuinely missing my ex-girlfriend and the person she was, or am I simply missing the feeling of being loved, wanted, emotionally understood, and being someone's first priority?

Am I holding on to her because I haven't completely moved on, or am I holding on to those memories because that was one of the phases of my life when I felt emotionally connected to someone?

How do I distinguish between missing a person and missing the feeling that person once gave me?

I'd genuinely appreciate perspectives from people who have experienced something similar.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

"Someone who makes me feel important, someone who chooses me, someone who makes me feel that I am their first priority. I want to experience that emotional intimacy again."

I understand where you're coming from and i think you miss someone being there for you than the actual person... That environment reminded you of the times when you weren't lonely and had someone beside you... It seems like you're longing for emotional intimacy n connection more than wanting your ex back.. And because she was the person you experienced that connection with your mind associates those feelings with her...