“ok so this is my first time, trying this. my life is fucked. Im yet to start university, while all my other friends and people my age have. i was supposed to go to this really huge university in another different country, but unfortunately i didnt pass their entrance exam so i couldnt go, and the next time they conduct this exam is next year end. so then i found this another university in a different country closer to home, but my dad isnt all that happy, cause its a mediocre college. and now he doesnt really talk to me and even if he does, its usually just to say really hurtful stuff. i feel like such a burden on him, because he breaks his back to pay for this university. but he is so hurtful
the other day, i told him about the fee and he said, i have to pay this because i made the sin of giving birth to you. and he said the same thing some days later too. and you know i cant even be mad, because well, im wrong here. im the fault. you know i try to so hard to be the daughter they deserve, but one mistake is all it takes for them to say such things. you know i topped like 3 subjects during high school. im yet to start uni. and it just... nothing matters.no matter how much i try, i always seem to fuck things up. and im so mad and angry but i dont let the anger show, and i calm myself down, cause its his behaviour and i want to not have that.
and i try to earn money, but everything seems like a scam these days and im just... everything i do ends up being a mistake. you know they expected me to be a son, and my mom cried when i was born because i am a girl. but she is not a bad mom at all. she is actually really good for someone who was born around so much misogyny and racism. but yeah. thats my story. but i am thankful, because they still give me what i want, its just... so backhanded sometimes and just plain fucked in the way they use their words and stuff. its not bad compared to the shit people go through these days... im ok”
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Someone answered with kindness...
girl pls be mad- what do you mean "i cant even be mad". No parent should EVER and i mean EVER make their kid feel like a mistake. Besides, wanting to prove urself to ur parents is natural but it gets difficult, especially when they have sky high expectations.
ur not fucking everything up. life isnt going to magically fix itself though, it requires work, time and effort, all of which i can already see your putting in. Work towards doing your best in the next exam because thats all you have in your control.
seperately, im sorry your parents said that to you. im not saying this out of pity, im sayign this because i relate to you too and my parents have said similar things and ive felt the same as you. Im sorry to hear that someone else has to go through what i did. Im not hear to tell you that it gets better and all this just dissappears. We j gotta learn to work around it, focus on whats in our control.
u are not failing, ur still a good person, a good friend, a good student, and a GOOD DAUGHTER. u ARE going to put in the effort, work hard, and do AMAZING on ur next test. But not because ur proving urself to ur dad, because ur proving it to YOURESELF, that you have it in you to work and succeed.