“I have been sexually assaulted when I was 4-5 years old. I was not raped and i did not really remember anything until I was like 15-16. I saw it in a dream out of nowhere and got the realisation. Still I cried for a while but that didn't bother me much. When I turned 22, i became friends with a guy who later forced himself on me when I said no. That kept hurting me for a very long time. I sought therapy, but the last resort was psychiatric help. The sad thing is...my parents know everything but they're still in contact with the relative who assaulted me when I was little and took my innocence. He is married with a small babygirl girl and is my distant cousin. I can never say this openly as it will permanently scar my honour and noone will marry me. Not getting married has never been my biggest concern or fear... but sometimes I really feel alone...like really to the point I end up crying. I'm not very close with my parents. All I do is study, attend college, do house chores or see a friend every once in a while- that's it! That's my life. I don't know when or how will things get better for me? Haven't i suffered enough? I'm just 23 right now. I wish I had a normal childhood like other girls and I was pure and someone loved and married me one day. But I community that I come from...if someone finds out I was sexually assaulted- they will spot on me. I know it's easy to say "Get your money and leave!" But I can't...I have a younger brother who's autistic and can't speak. I will be the only person left to take care of him when my parents will get old and die. The thing that hurts me the most is that I told this friend of mine everything...and by 'everything' I mean every single possible thought, memory and feeling. All my happiness, sadness, fears, bad days, joys, experiences- every single thing. He knew me more than I knew myself. If he still chose to do this to me whom can I trust? How do I become happy again? Where do I find it? (Btw yes, i am infact on antidepressants but I feel no hope)”
✦
Someone answered with kindness...
Dear Stranger,Firstly I am really sorry you went through all of this, sending you lots of power, strength. And believe me Please never tell yourself that you are not pure or that you don't deserve love or happy marriage, you deserve every happiness out in the world because incident in the past doesn't define you in any way, and remember that bastard relative of yours and your shitty friend are are the worst human beings they deserve hell for doing this to you.. and I pay to God that these people get severe punishment deserving of their actions. And it's really sad to hear that your parents didn't cut off ties with that relative of yours.. and I hope that relatives' wife dumps his ass and his daughter gets to know what a horrible human being her father is. But i really want you to think for yourself..even if you just can't straight up leave your house..but please if you can, then build boundaries against your parents, work on your mental health by doing little things like making a list of things and hobbies which make u happy, read some books, enjoy good food, good clothing, go on solo dates...i know it's hard for you to forget everything that happened to you..but always remember this stranger here is rooting for you..go girl..get ur life back.. don't let these memories have more control over you... remember there is a big world out there for you to conquer, explore..
And imagine one day u are living your best life out there..u travelling the world with your brother... having nothing but good and amazing memories which u had built by your own perseverance and strength and courage.
I want you to heal soon..stray strong.. always rooting for you.
Well I can even even tell you a trick to make your life better..you can manifest your desired life, by affirmations and listening subliminals it made mine better..i hope it makes yours tooo.