I feel homesick while living in my own home.
For as long as I can remember, I have prayed for mother to love me as equaly as my siblings. For her to notice me and remember things about me. When I started highschool I made a promise to myself: I will do extremely well in school and move away for college. It was the only dream I worked towards. I started freelancing to save up money and studied really hard. Then my school ended and now that it was finally time for me to leave everything behind and be happy and find my spark, everything went wrong. My parents once again controlled my choices. They restricted me from moving abroad and almost emotionally blackmailed me into getting in a online university. Before I used to get a break from home by going to school, even if it was for 8hrs only but now I feel so suffocated in my home. I feel so guilty because I was used to people letting me down but this time even I let myself down by not leaving. Everyday I wake up wishing my parents were a little more understanding or that I was less empathetic. Was this my only chance? Will I stay stuck in this miserable stay living my days grieving about one choice, the choice that meant the world to the younger me... and even the current me.

Question

I feel homesick while living in my own home. 
For as long as I can remember, I have prayed for mother to love me as equaly as my siblings. For her to notice me and remember things about me. When I started highschool I made a promise to myself: I will do extremely well in school and move away for college. It was the only dream I worked towards. I started freelancing to save up money and studied really hard. Then my school ended and now that it was finally time for me to leave everything behind and be happy and find my spark, everything went wrong. My parents once again controlled my choices. They restricted me from moving abroad and almost emotionally blackmailed me into getting in a online university. Before I used to get a break from home by going to school, even if it was for 8hrs only but now I feel so suffocated in my home. I feel so guilty because I was used to people letting me down but this time even I let myself down by not leaving. Everyday I wake up wishing my parents were a little more understanding or that I was less empathetic. Was this my only chance? Will I stay stuck in this miserable stay living my days grieving about one choice, the choice that meant the world to the younger me... and even the current me.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

I would say you got 2 options now, either fight them and leave with no option or bear it a little longer and after completing college u get a decent job just enough for your survival and leave bcz peace itself is a luxury nowadays.