Wow after reading a lot of questions here , my troubles feels so light, one shouldn't compare tho. So one of my problems is I feel stuck or lost maybe . Brief: i am a btech final year student and i desperately need a job for money its not like my parents dont provide me necessities, its just that i feel responsible to buy for my own hobbies or the things i want instead of need .Placement season is going on but i am not placed yet.my hope is burning away because there is no one to give me strength or reassurance, i have an amazing friend but she is going through the same and i cant express all this to her because she breaks down so bad ,so i just keep it to myself , i have a lot of siblings but none of them promise secrecy , last thing i want is my parents questioning my abilities which they already did . Also i just had my 3 years relationship breakup few months ago. Someone i thought would be forever with me said that the whole relationship's pillars were lies [i proposed him , I was his first but he wasn't mine , i wanted him to be the last one . ] Tbh i did have a lot of short term online relationships because since I was 5 i needed to earn my parent's attention either by being top of my class or by being pretty [I was not a pretty child as a lady my hairstyle throughout my whole childhood was no hair so i was a topper whole my life or i try to be one , grades or failures effect me ] [i am just 20 ], how short term you ask? From 2 days to 2 months. I said about all of this to that guy , he was so restless about it , he wanted to be a first too, I am a very optimistic person [well life made me so] i know how to move on from a breakup and not show emotions but the fact that there was no one who was able to notice my fake smiles or giggles or tears in my eyes . I introduced my ex to my family , my family was very attached to him but I asked them if its okay to breakup they said yes and as soon as he called them they turned the tables and started giving me side eyes , nobody values me now ,I am not taken seriously, well since childhood i am very aware that I am not loved a lot but now I question am I even loved? And the last thing that is most important to me is my relationship with god , its sooo weak rn. I am trying ,I am really trying , suicide is not an option [in my religion its a sin] .
My parents keep forcing me to do arrange marriage but I am so against of arrange marriages [after seeing my relatives and all ,I dont trust their choice or people ] , I want to do love marriage and i want to be something before i get married because this breakup made me feel so worthless and penniless. Also I see my sibling acing in their life [im so proud] but where do I stand ? And also there is A LOT OF FATSHAMING in my family , they believe bullying leads to improvement because of that I am losing weight since I was 12, I never wore what I wanted to through my teens and now when I am finally trying to be confident and wear bodycon, my mom is angry with me because I represent my non existent husband's and theirs reputation and i should be modest , I can roam naked after marriage [why is it that a woman have to either earn be financially independent or be married to a good man to have a voice or choices?] I hate how the concept of marriage was introduced to me , i was expected to top eamcet but i got 1 L rank [i am still ashamed about it ] and the very next day my grandmom bought me a marriage proposal [btw i topped in state exams] , nobody was considering my ug education but out of the random my mom and aunt went and did my admission in a very very very good university and it costs a fortune to study there , my mom said she is giving me a chance ,I feel so in debt , my 1 sibling is studying for free and my other sibling is a very beautiful lady in a 6+ yrs relationship [soon to be married Hopefully][ my mom's absolute fav], here i am doing nothing for my fam' s name , I feel like a huge mountain on my parents shoulders and only way to prove my worth rn is to get a placement , get in shape , get a high paying job., Move out but I am so burned out , my mind keeps giving me instructions and my body is doing something else , I lost my sleep completely and now I take naps only [ I used to sleep for 16 hrs easily] oh and i binge eat at night because in food i find comfort especially sugary things.HOW TO STOP PLEASE SAY

I just want to know will everything will be alright if I give myself some time?
Will something change in a good way because time is really flying and i am still stuck in 2025 because nothing changed since then [ I just got fatter ]

If u made it till here, thank you for reading all that , I love you .
May you heal from all the things you can't say to anyone and bloom in the best way possible

Question

Wow after reading a lot of questions here , my troubles feels so light, one shouldn't compare tho. So one of my problems is I feel stuck or lost maybe . Brief: i am a btech final year student and i desperately need a job for money its not like my parents dont provide me necessities, its just that i feel responsible to buy for my own hobbies or the things i want instead of need .Placement season is going on but i am not placed yet.my hope is burning away because there is no one to give me strength or reassurance, i have an amazing friend but she is going through the same and i cant express all this to her because she breaks down so bad ,so i just keep it to myself , i have a lot of siblings but none of them promise secrecy , last thing i want is my parents questioning my abilities which they already did . Also i just had my 3 years relationship breakup few months ago. Someone i thought would be forever with me said that the whole relationship's pillars were lies [i proposed him , I was his first but he wasn't mine , i wanted him to be the last one . ] Tbh i did have a lot of short term online relationships because since I was 5 i needed to earn my parent's attention either by being top of my class or by being pretty [I was not a pretty child as a lady my hairstyle throughout my whole childhood was no hair so i was a topper whole my life or i try to be one , grades or failures effect me ] [i am just 20 ], how short term you ask? From 2 days to 2 months.  I said about all of this to that guy , he was so restless about it , he wanted to be a first too, I am a very optimistic person [well life made me so] i know how to move on from a  breakup and not show emotions but the fact that there was no one who was able to notice my fake smiles or giggles or tears in my eyes . I introduced my ex to my family , my family was very attached to him but I asked them if its okay to breakup they said yes and as soon as he called them they turned the tables and started giving me side eyes , nobody values me now ,I am not taken seriously, well since childhood i am very aware that I am not loved a lot but now I question am I even loved? And the last thing that is most important to me is my relationship with god , its sooo weak rn.  I am trying ,I am really trying , suicide is not an option [in my religion its a sin] . 
My parents keep forcing me to do arrange marriage but I am so against of arrange marriages [after seeing my relatives and all ,I dont trust their choice or people ] , I want to do love marriage and i want to be something before i get married because this breakup made me feel so worthless and penniless. Also I see my sibling acing in their life [im so proud] but where do I stand ? And also there is A LOT OF FATSHAMING in my family , they believe bullying leads to improvement because of that I am losing weight since I was 12, I never wore what I wanted to through my teens and now when I am finally trying to be confident and wear bodycon, my mom is angry with me because I represent my non existent husband's and theirs reputation and i should be modest , I can roam naked after marriage [why is it that a woman have to either earn be financially independent or be married to a good man to have a voice or choices?] I hate how the concept of marriage was introduced to me , i was expected to top eamcet but i got 1 L rank [i am still ashamed about it ] and the very next day my grandmom bought me a marriage proposal [btw i topped in state exams] , nobody was  considering my ug education but out of the random my mom and aunt went and did my admission in a very very very good university and it costs a fortune to study there ,   my mom said she is giving me a chance ,I feel so in debt , my 1 sibling is studying for free and my other sibling is a very beautiful lady in a 6+ yrs relationship [soon to be married Hopefully][ my mom's absolute fav], here i am doing nothing for my fam' s name , I feel like a huge mountain on my parents shoulders and only way to prove my worth rn is to get a placement , get in shape , get a high paying job., Move out but I am so burned out , my mind keeps giving me instructions and my body is doing something else , I lost my sleep completely and now I take naps only [ I used to sleep for 16 hrs easily] oh and i binge eat at night because in food i find comfort especially sugary things.HOW TO STOP PLEASE SAY

I just want to know will everything will be alright if I give myself some time? 
Will something change in a good way because time is really flying and i am still stuck in 2025 because nothing changed since then [ I just got fatter ]

If u made it till here, thank you for reading all that , I love you . 
May you heal from all the things you can't say to anyone  and bloom in the best way possible

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

Girl, I wish I could give you the biggest hug. And I want you to read this slowly: you are not a burden, you're not a failure, and you're not falling behind in life. I know what it feels like to grow up thinking you have to achieve something, look a certain way or make everyone proud just to feel worthy of love. And eventually you become so busy proving your worth that you forget you were worthy even before achieving anything. Please don't make getting placed, losing weight, getting a high-paying job or getting married your conditions for finally being happy with yourself. You are a 20-year-old girl who is still figuring life out. You're allowed to be lost. You're allowed to take a break. You're allowed to have bad days without considering yourself a disappointment. And about your breakup, please don't let someone else's inability to love you properly make you question your worth. Also, your relationship with God doesn't have to be perfect for you to return to Him. Start with one prayer, one dua, one conversation with Him. You don't have to fix your entire life this month. Give yourself some time, but please don't isolate yourself with all this pain either. If possible, speak to someone trustworthy or a counsellor, especially with your sleep and eating patterns being affected. And sweetheart, I cannot promise you that everything will magically fall into place, but I can tell you that your current circumstances are not a life sentence. You haven't missed your chance. You're not late. You're just tired. Please start treating yourself like someone you love. I genuinely hope you get to experience a life where you don't have to earn the right to exist, be heard, dress how you like or feel loved. You deserve that life. ❤️