Um. This might be long, I apologise. So.. I've never been lucky when it came to friendships, I've lost(?) 4 bestfriends(?). I am not sure if they were my bestfriends but I thought of them as my best friends. Ever since I was 7-8 I have sucked at making friends and I get too desperate whenever I actually get a friends, I don't want them to be anyone else's friend at all. Maybe that's the problem or im the problem. My friendships have always ended in tragic ways, imo. Lost one because she found a new bestie, lost one more because of a misunderstanding, lost one because her parents thought i was a bad influence and lost one in december last year because I was seen with her when she was with her boyfriend. My school thinks its a crime to be in a relationship and the students refer to it as matter. I'm 15, in 10th grade, and am a girl.

I have also been really confused about my career. My parents want me to prepare for NEET exam, a medical entrance exam. They want me to do MBBS and that too in an army medical college. Getting into those colleges means scoring very high in NEET exam which is for 720 marks. But I don't think I can be a good doctor, I do not have any interest in the medical field. I would love to have a well-paying job which allows me to travel, I love travelling and I love adventure, I do not want to waste 15 years of my life engrossed in studying and then do surgeries.

My mental health is not that good either. I procrastinate a lot, I overthink almost all the time [the incident where I recently lost my friend and got sent to the principal's office after some adults confronted us still haunts me, I think about it on loop before sleeping, I can't seem to stop]. I am a single-child. I crave academic validation. I get easily, RELUCTANTLY jealous of the toppers in my class. My teachers used to praise me alot before that incident of when I was spotted with my best friends while she was hanging out with her boyfriend, my teachers think that I am a bad influence on others. I have bad communication skills and social anxiety. I cannot talk about my mental health to my irl friends or online friends because many reel-creators post reels saying people like me are attention seekers, which makes me insecure and unable to share my feelings or thoughts with anyone. I can't even trust people. My mind never seems to shut up, I talk to myself in my mind, daydream a lot, small parts of songs keep playing in my mind and I just can't stop thinking.

I need help.

Question

Um. This might be long, I apologise. So.. I've never been lucky when it came to friendships, I've lost(?) 4 bestfriends(?). I am not sure if they were my bestfriends but I thought of them as my best friends. Ever since I was 7-8 I have sucked at making friends and I get too desperate whenever I actually get a friends, I don't want them to be anyone else's friend at all. Maybe that's the problem or im the problem. My friendships have always ended in tragic ways, imo. Lost one because she found a new bestie, lost one more because of a misunderstanding, lost one because her parents thought i was a bad influence and lost one in december last year because I was seen with her when she was with her boyfriend. My school thinks its a crime to be in a relationship and the students refer to it as matter. I'm 15, in 10th grade, and am a girl.

I have also been really confused about my career. My parents want me to prepare for NEET exam, a medical entrance exam. They want me to do MBBS and that too in an army medical college. Getting into those colleges means scoring very high in NEET exam which is for 720 marks. But I don't think I can be a good doctor, I do not have any interest in the medical field. I would love to have a well-paying job which allows me to travel, I love travelling and I love adventure, I do not want to waste 15 years of my life engrossed in studying and then do surgeries.

My mental health is not that good either. I procrastinate a lot, I overthink almost all the time [the incident where I recently lost my friend and got sent to the principal's office after some adults confronted us still haunts me, I think about it on loop before sleeping, I can't seem to stop]. I am a single-child. I crave academic validation. I get easily, RELUCTANTLY jealous of the toppers in my class. My teachers used to praise me alot before that incident of when I was spotted with my best friends while she was hanging out with her boyfriend, my teachers think that I am a bad influence on others.  I have bad communication skills and social anxiety. I cannot talk about my mental health to my irl friends or online friends because many reel-creators post reels saying people like me are attention seekers, which makes me insecure and unable to share my feelings or thoughts with anyone. I can't even trust people. My mind never seems to shut up, I talk to myself in my mind, daydream a lot, small parts of songs keep playing in my mind and I just can't stop thinking.

I need help.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

Hey, hope you're doing well, I just turned 17 and will give my 12th board exams along with JEE in a few months, and idk i just wanna help you out, because I personally relate to you a lot and like yourself i prefer not telling it to anyone for the exact same reason. NEET ain't easy, so like, is there something you wanna pursue in a different field? If yes let your parents know but don't let them force you into NEET please. Idk be a bad child for once but do not get pressured into it. I might be a little biased here because of my own personal choices, but enginnering from a good college is a safer option here, better than NEET imo. Put on white music or certain frequency "focus" music while you're studying, it kinda helped me blocking all those unnecessary thoughts and all. And please put yourself out there, I used to be the same until i stopped being scared of what the other people would say, like even my friends. Now idc i post what I want, do what I want , wear what I want because if I'm doing it, it's cool. The weirder I get the more I like it. This is the mindset I want you to have too, start with joining clubs in school, taking part in the assemblies etc. Don't be too closed in, like you're allowed to not want to talk to anyone if you don't want to, but doing it just because you are having anxiety won't solve the underlying problem you have with self confidence. Like I'm not calling you unconfident here, but that's the first thing influencing social anxiety in the first place. Like dw if you mess up once or twice, no one cares, everyone moves on with their lives and guess what YOLO why waste it thinking what others think about you, and about your lost friendships? None of them deserved you, and honestly the right one always comes along when you least expect it, dw about them , just don't be a pathetic friend and you are good. None of it is your fault. There is still so much to experience and explore out of a shitty group of people who judges you, be it your ex friends or your teacher, like I'm sorry I shouldn't refer to teachers like that but some of them piss me off genuinely. Dw a lot enjoy your teenage years, you'll be fine and you'll do good. Good luck