“Today I've been feeling a bit off or weird Idk why. There are alot of things that I wanna correct abt my lfe( not regrets but things like I can do these better kinda stuff). I'm an above avg student. I do well enough to be here and not in the category of either topper or avg. I do put all efforts but none enough to fit in the standards. I don't have any talents, hobbies or extra curricular activities not involved in sports dont have a bsf or bf I can talk to abt anything. This is my final year of college. After 18 years of studying i dont know anything, apart from studying the given portions and writing them on exams. I dont have any other activity that i can rely on or do it for fun . I feel like I've missed out so much and I cant undo those and im jealous. I was never enrolled in any extra curricular activities and now I dont know what be8ng consistent or loving something apart from looking it as a chore looks like (i dont blame my parents they are working professional and they did the best they can) and now is my sister she gets to do everything even things that were restricted to me even now. I envy her life(which i hate dng), her frnds gang the feel of having a gang i can rely on ( i love my frnds they all are great but I've never felt safe enough to anyone to whatever bothers me -idk y). I'm a person who loves to be free happy spontaneous funny bold but what im doing is just the opposite, i dont volunteer , I've started shouting getting missed and angry at dumbest things ,cancelling plans, being silent amd being THE MOOD SPOILER. I never wanted to be this person. I act bold ,I can handle it kinda thing but i feel like im acting and thays mot really me its the version i show. I instantly say something offensive to someone even veryyy close just after a comment against me. I really dont know who I am amd how the fuck ppl around me tolerate me amd the kinda like me to . I act like I dont get bothered by what others think but I cant sleep and think about even the slightest unintentional things. Idk what i really wanna do but im gonna have a degree, ifk if I'll get placed but im not trying for it at all and im not bothered abt being placed, I dont see the purpose of doing all these and living a life lie its sooo fcking confusing what is all for why i shld do these for what , why i shld het married , what's soo great abt my generation so I shld make kids idkk. It all feels empty. I want to run a restaurant but im afraid to take big steps. In 6 months im graduating but im thinking of some other career like what nonsense and im not sure of it to it's just like a fantasy or something. My parents have spent a Hella alot of money on this degree . Im not sure about things and i can say it aloud too. Or i dont know if im just trying to avoid any hard situation like preparing for placements booze all these 4 yrs what i want was to complete this degree just get it and get a job THATS IT IT WILL ALL BE GOOD but I'M CLUELESS .I too want person I can freely talk to without thinking if they'll use it against me or they leave me someday and I'll have to handle it alone so why depend jus do it myself. I Dont know what I just said I typed out all the random things I remembered . Have a good day guyss”
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Someone answered with kindness...Thanked by the asker
It's okay actually after u finish your degree you would think it was heaven trust me new things will happen I'm not saying what it is going to be but some things will happen u will get new frnds don't worry and just enjoy the time u have while studying and just start a new hobby I was like u once but after some break I gave some so many hobbies and studies it like crochet watercolor drawing reading just try something what u find interesting it will be good it's okay to let it out it's okay to think like this everyone is unique that what makes u special and btw having a gang is not special by the time u enter college or masters you will lose half of the gang trust me I also had a gang