There was this friend of mine who i felt very comforted by, they didn't really say comforting things, it was just really nice to be around them. they had a failed suicide attempt and i just felt like i shouldve told them before how much i cared for them. i got extremely affectionate and it was fine at first. they started getting uncomfortable with my affection but i refused to let the relationship go because i was was scared about how i would feel without them and if theyd be okay without me reminding them that they were loved. this turned into mild harassment and lasted for a few months.
There was a point where i couldn't see them so i texted them 2-3 times a week because i was so afraid that their mental health would get worse. i knew i was probably being annoying but it was worth it to let them know they were loved in case they were doing badly. they didn't really respond and when they did i didn't really get an answer on how they were doing. i don't think this was spamming them because it was only one messaging app and they could've just turned off notifications for me. they would refuse to be near when i came back(i didn't expect this at all) and i was looking forward to seeing them, though it was fine again after about a month.
Everyone interpreted this as a crush and i felt pressured to be with them. when my affection was okay, they'd be mildly sexual with me, like leaning on me so i would hold them like i always did and then they'd usually watch p***. they randomly made the gesture for intercourse on my hand like twice, like moved my hand into that shape, i realized the second time what they were doing and told them to stop and they didn't do it again. i would also place my hands on their breasts a lot, but it was just because it was comfortable and i genuinely didnt understand that it was innappropriate, but they did but didn't try to stop me. i don't think it was personal, they acted sexual all the time, but i also never saw them do these specific things or similar with other people. they said they didn't like me back, so we were never together. i was convinced they were into me because they didn't talk much and i guess i overthought what i did know.
When they started getting uncomfortable i tried to set boundaries and ask if i could hug them or sit with them, but they refused to answer me. i went off their body language instead, which did differ, but i really regret this. They would frequently get upset with me, but refuse to say anything to me, even when i explicitely asked, and then go tell all my friends i was making them uncomfortable. i would have to hear second hand about me treating them badly and everyone would be mad at me; this was not productive and i think it was kinda toxic.
I would always try to be next to them if they were in the same room or walk with them if our routes overlapped(this was like three to five times a week, i wasn't going out of my way to find them). i would hug them and call them pretty(i wasn't more detailed, just them looking nice in general) and cute. i would always remind them i loved them and blow them kisses.
We tried to restart and be friends again, and i was completely respectful to them this time. I only hung out with them if they stood/sat/walked next to me and i got permission for all my affection and we talked about boundaries. then they told all my friends that i was pressuring them and they were uncomfortable and lied to me about what they were comfortable with. i think they were really were still uncomfortable, but i don't know how it's on me to know when someone's lying when they showed no signs of lying or feeling pressured. we had a conversation over many days where i told them in detail how much i cared about them throughout our relationship and they convinced me that they were alright and i was not helping and we agreed i wouldnt talk to them anymore.
I know it was my actions and my fault, but im so frustrated at other things. i wish they weren't so spineless because if they had said they were uncomfortable and didn't want me around to my face or had gotten mad at me, i would've stopped. i wish i was being plain mean to them so it's black and white that i was just terrible. i wish the media i watched didn't portray crushes(though it wasn't a crush) as always cute(particularlly panini and chowder was the exact dynamic and except for the main character it's portrayed as cute).
Later, my friends would frequently harass me over this. this wouldve been fine if they actually cared about this person, but it wasn't about the person i hurt it was about bullying me. they didn't care about this person's rapist and one of them was still friends with them. they were only a little bit mad at the time and most were not close with this person. they would also harass me for literally existing: i got yelled at for sneezing, threatened harm for trying to hang out with one of my friends(our relationship was fine and they were a good person), outed multiple times, constantly gaslit that i wasnt queer, etc.
The person i harassed was actually quite hated. people in their friend group(including the one that was "sticking up for them," you know, after the situation was already settled) would nonjokingly insult them and say they didn't like having them around. this person would also frequently stroke people or get in people's faces, and they said they were uncomfortable, and they would just continue. it's so hipocritical, it's literally the same actions and my friends would just go "no dont do that," and not actually get mad at them. they're still in that friend group and im long gone.
i know i acted badly and hurt someone, but it's more complicated than just me acting bad. whenever i tried to talk about how this happened my friends would get really angry and say i was making up excuses and selfvictimizing, even though i would start with admitting it was completely my fault. like if i dont think about what led to something how am i supposed to learn from it. nothing the person i harassed did warrented harassment and ive never thought or said that.
According to some remaining mutual friends, this person doesn't care anymore. i dont know if they just dont express that theyre still hurting from it. it took me so long to admit every part of what happened. i just keep having this feeling that im an awful, unredeemable person and this will follow me for the rest of my life.

Question

There was this friend of mine who i felt very comforted by, they didn't really say comforting things, it was just really nice to be around them. they had a failed suicide attempt and i just felt like i shouldve told them before how much i cared for them. i got extremely affectionate and it was fine at first. they started getting uncomfortable with my affection but i refused to let the relationship go because i was was scared about how i would feel without them and if theyd be okay without me reminding them that they were loved. this turned into mild harassment and lasted for a few months. 
There was a point where i couldn't see them so i texted them 2-3 times a week because i was so afraid that their mental health would get worse. i knew i was probably being annoying but it was worth it to let them know they were loved in case they were doing badly. they didn't really respond and when they did i didn't really get an answer on how they were doing. i don't think this was spamming them because it was only one messaging app and they could've just turned off notifications for me. they would refuse to be near when i came back(i didn't expect this at all) and i was looking forward to seeing them, though it was fine again after about a month.
Everyone interpreted this as a crush and i felt pressured to be with them. when my affection was okay, they'd be mildly sexual with me, like leaning on me so i would hold them like i always did and then they'd usually watch p***. they randomly made the gesture for intercourse on my hand like twice, like moved my hand into that shape, i realized the second time what they were doing and told them to stop and they didn't do it again. i would also place my hands on their breasts a lot, but it was just because it was comfortable and i genuinely didnt understand that it was innappropriate, but they did but didn't try to stop me. i don't think it was personal, they acted sexual all the time, but i also never saw them do these specific things or similar with other people. they said they didn't like me back, so we were never together. i was convinced they were into me because they didn't talk much and i guess i overthought what i did know.
When they started getting uncomfortable i tried to set boundaries and ask if i could hug them or sit with them, but they refused to answer me. i went off their body language instead, which did differ, but i really regret this. They would frequently get upset with me, but refuse to say anything to me, even when i explicitely asked, and then go tell all my friends i was making them uncomfortable. i would have to hear second hand about me treating them badly and everyone would be mad at me; this was not productive and i think it was kinda toxic.
I would always try to be next to them if they were in the same room or walk with them if our routes overlapped(this was like three to five times a week, i wasn't going out of my way to find them). i would hug them and call them pretty(i wasn't more detailed, just them looking nice in general) and cute. i would always remind them i loved them and blow them kisses.
We tried to restart and be friends again, and i was completely respectful to them this time. I only hung out with them if they stood/sat/walked next to me and i got permission for all my affection and we talked about boundaries. then they told all my friends that i was pressuring them and they were uncomfortable and lied to me about what they were comfortable with. i think they were really were still uncomfortable, but i don't know how it's on me to know when someone's lying when they showed no signs of lying or feeling pressured. we had a conversation over many days where i told them in detail how much i cared about them throughout our relationship and they convinced me that they were alright and i was not helping and we agreed i wouldnt talk to them anymore.
I know it was my actions and my fault, but im so frustrated at other things. i wish they weren't so spineless because if they had said they were uncomfortable and didn't want me around to my face or had gotten mad at me, i would've stopped. i wish i was being plain mean to them so it's black and white that i was just terrible. i wish the media i watched didn't portray crushes(though it wasn't a crush) as always cute(particularlly panini and chowder was the exact dynamic and except for the main character it's portrayed as cute).
Later, my friends would frequently harass me over this. this wouldve been fine if they actually cared about this person, but it wasn't about the person i hurt it was about bullying me. they didn't care about this person's rapist and one of them was still friends with them. they were only a little bit mad at the time and most were not close with this person. they would also harass me for literally existing: i got yelled at for sneezing, threatened harm for trying to hang out with one of my friends(our relationship was fine and they were a good person), outed multiple times, constantly gaslit that i wasnt queer, etc.
The person i harassed was actually quite hated. people in their friend group(including the one that was "sticking up for them," you know, after the situation was already settled) would nonjokingly insult them and say they didn't like having them around. this person would also frequently stroke people or get in people's faces, and they said they were uncomfortable, and they would just continue. it's so hipocritical, it's literally the same actions and my friends would just go "no dont do that," and not actually get mad at them. they're still in that friend group and im long gone.
i know i acted badly and hurt someone, but it's more complicated than just me acting bad. whenever i tried to talk about how this happened my friends would get really angry and say i was making up excuses and selfvictimizing, even though i would start with admitting it was completely my fault. like if i dont think about what led to something how am i supposed to learn from it. nothing the person i harassed did warrented harassment and ive never thought or said that.
According to some remaining mutual friends, this person doesn't care anymore. i dont know if they just dont express that theyre still hurting from it. it took me so long to admit every part of what happened. i just keep having this feeling that im an awful, unredeemable person and this will follow me for the rest of my life.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

once you do something, no matter how many times people yell at you, you cannot un-do it. Tell people that. Being sorry is the closest you can possibly get, and you did that. You can't do anything more, and you don't have to do anything more either. You have done the best you can to make up for things.