There is no meaning to it all; we create our own meaning. Mostly, this meaning happens in our soul and spiritually. I do not chase meaning in everyday things; I chase peace. But what is it all for when I just cannot find any peace anywhere? My life is trauma after trauma, rejection after rejection, obstacle after obstacle. I can not control how things occur externally, so I try not to bother myself too much with that, but some things are too heavy. My whole childhood is traumatic because of my parents, and now, when I am an adult, they still reopen my wounds and put salt in them. Moving out is not possible; the market is in shambles over here. I am constantly working on myself and trying to get my shit together, but my life is ruled by chaos that I do not have control over. I started to shut down emotionally just so I can make it through the day - I am a walking human shell, empty of all that makes us human. No philosophy, no literature, no meditation helps me. Finding a partner is impossible when I can not even cry from all the noise, let alone feel love.
Every year, some new shit (not always parents). Life is suffering, but traces of peace I want to cling to seem to have been lost.
I am tired, really tired.

Question

There is no meaning to it all; we create our own meaning. Mostly, this meaning happens in our soul and spiritually. I do not chase meaning in everyday things; I chase peace. But what is it all for when I just cannot find any peace anywhere?  My life is trauma after trauma, rejection after rejection, obstacle after obstacle. I can not control how things occur externally, so I try not to bother myself too much with that, but some things are too heavy. My whole childhood is traumatic because of my parents, and now, when I am an adult, they still reopen my wounds and put salt in them. Moving out is not possible; the market is in shambles over here.  I am constantly working on myself and trying to get my shit together, but my life is ruled by chaos that I do not have control over. I started to shut down emotionally just so I can make it through the day - I am a walking human shell, empty of all that makes us human. No philosophy, no literature, no meditation helps me. Finding a partner is impossible when I can not even cry from all the noise, let alone feel love.
Every year, some new shit (not always parents). Life is suffering, but traces of peace I want to cling to seem to have been lost. 
I am tired, really tired.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

Thats really deep. Still today im am tired also, but there is an twist. Im 13 yrs old. I didn't thought how fast time flies. But i know for sure some people is tired, we just need to care for other. What i should prefer i too book a therapy session for your self.