So, this is about a guy I met around a year ago. We started talking and, for the first two months or so, we were really close. We had this flirty friendship where I'd tell him about my day, and he'd share bits of his with me too, although he was always a little less expressive than I was.

After almost two months, we had an argument of sorts, and he deactivated his account, saying he'd be back after a while. I was angry and tried to stop him, but he'd already made up his mind, and I had no other way of contacting him. That period was genuinely miserable for me. I felt extremely hurt, and I remember thinking that I'd at least wait until my birthday because surely he'd come back or send me a text by then. But he didn't. Eventually, I found ways to distract myself and move on, although I don't think I was ever completely over it.

Then, after three months, he came back. At that point, I had convinced myself that I liked someone else. Deep down, I knew I didn't, but I think I was just trying to force myself to move on. When he finally texted me, I broke down and cried because all those feelings I'd tried to suppress came rushing back. I told him how badly his disappearance had affected me, and after a few arguments, we eventually sorted things out. I also told him about this other guy I supposedly liked, and that went on for about a month before I admitted to myself that I didn't actually have feelings for him. That's when I started rebuilding the bond I had with the first guy.

We eventually got back to talking all day, sharing everything, and things felt perfect. It seemed like we were equally invested, at least until he gradually started replying slower. I wondered what had changed, but eventually, he opened up to me about something he'd never really told anyone before. He told me that he'd liked a girl for four years, but she had a boyfriend. Eventually, she found out about his feelings, and they spoke about it. Although things between them were apparently fine, he knew she would never choose him, and that realization used to make him really upset. He also told me that around that time, when he met me, he was going through a phase where he desperately needed someone he could talk to freely, and I happened to be there for him.

The night he told me all of this, I was particularly vulnerable, and the following day, I confessed my feelings for him. He said a few things in response, and we eventually stopped talking for about a week. After that, he deactivated his account again. This time, however, I knew his other accounts, so I reached out and told him everything, from how I'd felt when he first disappeared to how much he meant to me now. We started talking again, and things gradually became something that felt almost like a relationship, just without an actual label.

Now he's in college, while I'm still in school, and ever since he left, things have been different. We barely talk, our conversations don't have the same depth anymore, and I constantly feel like I'm bothering him or forcing a conversation. I've also noticed him following girls from his university, and I can't help but wonder if he's looking for someone there, someone who's physically present in his life and shares the same environment as him. And honestly, I keep asking myself, what about me? We live in different cities, although they're relatively close, but the distance and the change in his routine seem to have affected everything.

I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. He hasn't completely cut me off, so it's not as though I have a clear reason to walk away either. If I end things from my side, I'm scared it'll end on bad terms, and that's the last thing I want. I've considered slowly distancing myself, but that doesn't really work because whenever he has holidays or some free time, he comes back, texts me properly, and we fall into our old pattern of talking and reconnecting. Then, once college starts again, everything goes back to how it was. I don't know how to deal with this inconsistency anymore because I can't keep going through the same cycle.

And perhaps the most difficult part is that I have absolutely no desire to start something with someone else. This was the first time I'd ever gotten this close to someone, despite having been in a relationship once before, although that was more of a childhood relationship. He means a lot to me, and I genuinely cannot imagine feeling this way about anyone else. He made me experience so many things for the first time, and I find it difficult to imagine being with someone other than him. I don't feel interested in meeting someone new, entertaining other people, or starting over. I've always been this way; I can't do casual relationships, and I'm not someone who can talk to multiple people romantically at the same time. When I develop feelings for someone, I'm genuinely invested, and I don't know how to simply switch those feelings off.

Question

So, this is about a guy I met around a year ago. We started talking and, for the first two months or so, we were really close. We had this flirty friendship where I'd tell him about my day, and he'd share bits of his with me too, although he was always a little less expressive than I was.

After almost two months, we had an argument of sorts, and he deactivated his account, saying he'd be back after a while. I was angry and tried to stop him, but he'd already made up his mind, and I had no other way of contacting him. That period was genuinely miserable for me. I felt extremely hurt, and I remember thinking that I'd at least wait until my birthday because surely he'd come back or send me a text by then. But he didn't. Eventually, I found ways to distract myself and move on, although I don't think I was ever completely over it.

Then, after three months, he came back. At that point, I had convinced myself that I liked someone else. Deep down, I knew I didn't, but I think I was just trying to force myself to move on. When he finally texted me, I broke down and cried because all those feelings I'd tried to suppress came rushing back. I told him how badly his disappearance had affected me, and after a few arguments, we eventually sorted things out. I also told him about this other guy I supposedly liked, and that went on for about a month before I admitted to myself that I didn't actually have feelings for him. That's when I started rebuilding the bond I had with the first guy.

We eventually got back to talking all day, sharing everything, and things felt perfect. It seemed like we were equally invested, at least until he gradually started replying slower. I wondered what had changed, but eventually, he opened up to me about something he'd never really told anyone before. He told me that he'd liked a girl for four years, but she had a boyfriend. Eventually, she found out about his feelings, and they spoke about it. Although things between them were apparently fine, he knew she would never choose him, and that realization used to make him really upset. He also told me that around that time, when he met me, he was going through a phase where he desperately needed someone he could talk to freely, and I happened to be there for him.

The night he told me all of this, I was particularly vulnerable, and the following day, I confessed my feelings for him. He said a few things in response, and we eventually stopped talking for about a week. After that, he deactivated his account again. This time, however, I knew his other accounts, so I reached out and told him everything, from how I'd felt when he first disappeared to how much he meant to me now. We started talking again, and things gradually became something that felt almost like a relationship, just without an actual label.

Now he's in college, while I'm still in school, and ever since he left, things have been different. We barely talk, our conversations don't have the same depth anymore, and I constantly feel like I'm bothering him or forcing a conversation. I've also noticed him following girls from his university, and I can't help but wonder if he's looking for someone there, someone who's physically present in his life and shares the same environment as him. And honestly, I keep asking myself, what about me? We live in different cities, although they're relatively close, but the distance and the change in his routine seem to have affected everything.

I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. He hasn't completely cut me off, so it's not as though I have a clear reason to walk away either. If I end things from my side, I'm scared it'll end on bad terms, and that's the last thing I want. I've considered slowly distancing myself, but that doesn't really work because whenever he has holidays or some free time, he comes back, texts me properly, and we fall into our old pattern of talking and reconnecting. Then, once college starts again, everything goes back to how it was. I don't know how to deal with this inconsistency anymore because I can't keep going through the same cycle.

And perhaps the most difficult part is that I have absolutely no desire to start something with someone else. This was the first time I'd ever gotten this close to someone, despite having been in a relationship once before, although that was more of a childhood relationship. He means a lot to me, and I genuinely cannot imagine feeling this way about anyone else. He made me experience so many things for the first time, and I find it difficult to imagine being with someone other than him. I don't feel interested in meeting someone new, entertaining other people, or starting over. I've always been this way; I can't do casual relationships, and I'm not someone who can talk to multiple people romantically at the same time. When I develop feelings for someone, I'm genuinely invested, and I don't know how to simply switch those feelings off.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

Hate to tell you but you gotta move onand this guy is just giving you the right amount of attention to keep you close and distancing himself from you which is a major red flag behavior