So I had a friend (my bestfriend) and I fell for him. I did not know that i was gay or bi and I don't feel anything for any other guy except for him. I started liking him alot and kinda gave him hints. He was a very weird (personality wise) because sometimes he'll flirt with me, act like we were more than bestfriends and sometimes he'll just straight up ignore me. I got so frustrated my this and told him that sorry bro we can't be friends if ur gonna sometimes act like we are bestfriends while other times ur just gonna ghost me. We did not talk for like an entire month (sep-oct) and he tried sometimes to talk but i just avoided it. It was so fucking hard for me because we had a mutual friend group. I avoided every single way which included facing him. After 1 month almost, I get his message on insta saying he wanna talk and idk why tf I replied back asking him about what. We talked and, he apologized. So, me being the dumb bitch I am, accepted his apology and talked like entire night. All of a sudden he says I love you in the text. I kept looking at it and just believed it. I thought that he meant romantically but just said it back like friends usually say to eachother. Next day in college, we laugh and talk alot. We were eating a biscuit and he said he'll make me eat it from his hands. OMGG I blushed so badly but said no. After that our bond grew even stronger and I decided to tell him that I liked him. I tell him and he was like I knew it already. He said he likes me back and that's why he said I love you. I was so happy and we both started spending every single minute together that we can. I really believed him and told him every single thing. He also told me everything. Also it wasn't like that we didn't had fights. Instead, we fighted alot of times and I personally belive that u should give the other person his time. So after every fight, I gave him the choice to leave but he always came back which made me belive that yes he's really into me. We had to decide which college to go (in march) and we choose the same college just so we can be together. Things were ok but as our college year started (in aug), nothing was fine. I was like ok(broken inside) and believed that it's ok if he doesn't like me back i'll not ask him because love is when someone chooses u himself and not u desperately asking them for validation(my pov). Once again, he comes back and says to me that he wants to be with me. At that point, I just followed him and didn't ask him the reason why he's doing this to me. Once again things go bad in sep and I was so done with it this time so I just confronts him. Then he tells me that he doesn't like me back and everything he did was just so I can be happy. My heart got shattered so badly. He said he never liked me romantically instead got discomfortable with every love talk and all that. It was him just caring for me so i don't feel bad or left out(because i'm kinda introvert type person). Also it's because I was with him in his difficult time so he didn't want to leave me alone. I was so done at that point like bro I did not ask u for it and know ur just saying all this to me. He said he didn't want to break my heart and I'm just a friend for him. After that he said we should be friends and I tried once but it's not possible for me. Now sometimes he'll come to me and start talking. I have been really clear i don't wanna be friends. Once he feels that he'll not talk to me for like 2 months but come back again. It's so difficult for me because idk what to do. Whenever I think i'm over our thing, he comes back and everything rushes back to my mind. Also we are in same college so seeing him is so painful. Someone please help me because idk what to do.

Question

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

Hey, I'm sorry to hear this. I know I can't share your pain, but trust me, I understand what you're going through. Honestly, I think maybe he does feel something for you but isn't sure about his feelings. Maybe just like you, this is also something new for him. Maybe he hasn't been attracted to any guy until now and felt something with you that scared him. I'd suggest you try to talk to him once with calmness. Maybe you should both go to your favourite place together, where he can be himself and then you can ask him honestly what he thinks. Whether he likes you or not, or if he's scared of feeling whatever he's feeling. And if he straight up denies or ignores you, please let him go. I know how hard it is, but it'd be best for you. And if and when he comes back, don't let him in until he explains himself with full honesty and vulnerability because you deserve to know the truth. You don't deserve someone who leaves you and comes back whenever they wish. No. You deserve consistency, respect and love. And if you have to ignore him to keep your sanity, do it. Just give it all your one last time and then let him go.