“So a while ago i came out to my best friend and they kept telling me they didn't believe me and also outed me multiple times. There was a lot of other stuff going on and in general i've been looking back and trying to see if there were any red flags that they were bad friend, and there were at least a couple. Some things that happened that i cant tell if it is a red flag: They came out as trans at school, and they had never mentioned this to me before even though they knew i was excepting and i thought we were close like that. I was very supportive and they talked about it a little with me. They didnt like correcting people on their name so I got permission from them to remind everyone of their new name and insist on them using it. I was affectionate in specifically a gender affirming way and always tried to be honest but also compliment them on how well they were passing. They always didnt seem to care much at all, they would just say whatever to my compliments and be indifferent to me helping to get people to respect them. I remember someone else one time saying something affirming and they clearly had an actual reaction, though it was subtle. I dont know, maybe i'm over affectionate so it didnt matter if i cared. It just feels like it was weird they didnt care and i guess they didnt think i would care about my identity either? They were never upset at all when i tried to help them. Everything i did was after they came and specifically stemming from something they complained about being uncomfortable about, so i dont feeling like i was pushing them. If i have a friend in the future that does not care about my support, does that mean that they wont pay any mind to my wellbeing?”

Another soul answered...

Hi, first I want to say it takes a lot to come out so be proud, I am for you!! Now onto the rest of the situation. First of all if you don't have a therapist I do recommend one if you can. I am not saying you have mental health issues I legit just think anyone could use therapy and especially if you've come out and had such high tensions with a friend. First of all them saying they don't believe you is clearly not ok, second of all, outing you is even worse. I'm not going to say it's necessarily a red flag they didn't mention coming out as trans to you before doing so at school. If that is what they wished to do I would say it is valid, and please don't think that means you genuinely did something wrong. It is great that you are so supportive of them, and I am glad you got their permission and then stood up for them. From what you say (and I do only have your perspective but I am trying to look at it will), you didn't do anything wrong by supporting them in the ways you did. Them not seeming to care about your help or compliments is not nice, and I hate to say it but I genuinely think they just don't want to do that for whatever reason. They are clearly not treating you well, even looking past the first bit of denying you and outing you. That on it's own is in my opinion enough to permanently damage a friendship or relationship of any kind. Also on this next point I want to say you are being far too harsh on yourself. Being overly affectionate does not mean your care doesn't matter. If it's true care it 100% matters. Now it is possible you may have overstepped on the helping. I know they gave you permission, but if people seem uncomfortable with something it's probably best to do a little less. Now them complaining about being uncomfortable does not automatically mean you weren't pushing them. But they did come to you and give you permission, so I'd say at the start, and probably throughout, you were just fine. You also said at the beginning there is a lot of stuff going on, I don't know exactly how to interpret that cause it could be many things, but if you feel when examining the relationship that there were red flags, you are completely valid to feel that way. You are a part of the relationship, and therefore your comfortability matters too. For the last question, if a future friend does not care about your support, like genuinely does not care, then for your wellbeing there is no point in trying to help when they don't want it. I'm saying that for you specifically because you don't need to drain yourself on something that isn't appreciated or possibly even wanted. Now I won't say for sure someone not caring about your support means they won't pay any mind to your wellbeing, but it technically could. But relationships are genuinely very nuanced and it really does depend on particular circumstances. It seems contradictory, but life truly isn't black and white and is therefore full of odd things happening at the same time that seem to be opposites. Anyways I just want to say that I feel you are being too hard on yourself. Any criticism I gave you is not coming from contempt or looking down upon you, genuinely the criticisms I gave were things that maybe could have been done better, that does not mean you did something wrong though. Honestly from what you have said you have not done anything wrong. I don't know all your context of course, but from what you put it seems like you are letting yourself be put down just to help others who aren't showing any thankfulness. Once again I want to mention them not believing you and outing you, please don't look past that, it's majorly a truly unkind thing to do, even if it wasn't meant that way. At best it's a very awful mistake and lapse in judgement. It's up to you what you forgive about that specifically, but to me that's one of the most major red flags. But I also do think they are not caring about your help or even being kind given all you do for them. Just don't beat yourself up. And if you lose this friendship I promise you there will be people out there for you who will very much appreciate you. I'm wishing you the best alright? Good luck and once again proud of you for coming out! If you can see a therapist maybe try, sometimes venting to a completely unbiased person is what we need, not always necessarily a bunch of advice back, but just being able to say it out loud. Anyone who is supportive in your life is someone you should probably go to! You've got this 100% and there will be better days, trust me I know cause I've had those times when I felt emotionally exhausted and intensely stressed. There truly is light at the end of the tunnel, as useless as that saying has sounded over the many times it's been said. Things will get better, and somewhere out there is a future best friend or partner who will support you for you and all of your affection and care, and they'll actually communicate if something is the matter. Well internet stranger, I do hope this helped, sorry for such a long response but I wanted to give you some possibly genuine perspective and encouragement! Have a good day, and if it's not a good day that's alright too, just know there will be a good day. Show yourself some love ok? This is I suppose where I end this message. You have an internet stranger wishing you the best, always!