“Since my high school things haven't been looking that great. I did have an absent mother growing up. She's there right now. She has made sacrifices for me but at a point I used to not, it bothered me a lot that she wasn't around. Nowadays that doesn't, does not hit me that bad anymore. I don't cry over that, oh it would have been better that if she was there because I realized that she has done her part. But in school too, my parents gave me a really good education and like I went to good enough school to study. Yes, they couldn't provide me with extra curriculars or things to learn apart from that. But I always felt out of place, like I wasn't the prettiest in school. I was dark. I had curly hair. My hair was always oiled. I never had like a bag from any brand. I neither had any good tiffin boxes or anything. But I was pretty good in studies. I did not have a lot of friends. There were instances where people denied to be my friends because they thought like it was kind of a shame to be my friend. Like maybe I did not look good. I was just not good enough. I never had friends growing up, always felt out of place in school. But during high school I started going over the web and talking to these men online who were predators and I never had a mother figure growing up. And I was really attached to one of my aunts and she got married. Then my grandmother passed away. So mother's love was always a little away to me. I don't cry about it anymore but it's okay. When one of my uncle came to learn about that I used to talk to these guys online and I did not know any better back then. I was a ninth standard student too. Thought that it was okay but it wasn't now when I look back at it. But things from there did not look great. Like I always used to sleep a lot, think about scenarios in my head. And I don't know, like I started having these self-harm issues as well. I used to live at my grandmother's place but then my uncle shamed me in front of my parents that you need to raise her right. She's doing this dirty stuff in front of other people on the internet. And I started living with my parents. I was dead scared of my mom. She has really bad OCD. She does not let anyone touch her. Initially it was difficult but I grew living with her. It started feeling peaceful. Just me and her. My dad would go to work. I had an elder brother who has always been there. There were certain times I wish she could have just like voiced out then and there. But he has helped me a lot now. But when I moved to college and I'm grateful that my parents gave me this opportunity to move to a different city for college. I still had the same issues. Everyone was from a rich family. I did not know how to dress, how to put up myself. People spoke to me but never really became my friends. I was inconsistent in going to classes because of that I had low attendance. Because of low attendance I could not write exams. But I always knew I was not dumb. I was pretty good in studies. And I regretted all now because my academics are all in a huge pile of waste. I have backlogs which I need to clear because of low attendance and I sometimes just think if I could have just went to college, I could have like at least done a little better or had a few more friends, would have lived my life. And I see these people online, people from my school or people from college living my life. And even though now I look better, I dress better, but those years are gone and I regret that. I never get them back again. I could have just gone and cleared it all. I wasted my parents hard-earned money. I should have been interning right now but I'm still stuck here making amends to clear my backlogs. I do take home tuitions to pay for my own backlogs because my parents have already paid for my fees and I don't want to let them go through that again. But it's just I feel like a complete loser. And I'll graduate next year and I don't know, I don't have a very great CV to look at. Not very great skills for a good lawyer. I'm studying law. I don't have internships. That is a big internship break. And I just feel like there are so many people better than me who will even choose me. But I'm so scared to go back home and like live in that environment again.”
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Someone answered with kindness...Thanked by the asker
If you keep comparing yourself to others there would always be someone whose better
Just look at yourself now gurl you've got prettier smarter more responsible and much more
Your parents should be ashmed cus their daughter had to go on the internet and speak to boys for attention that they couldn't give you you're not at fault at all
I wish you all the best for you future I know you'll rock