“Should I Stay in This Relationship?
I am currently facing a really difficult situation in my relationship, and I honestly do not know what to do anymore. On the surface, and most of the time, he is truly a great partner. He can be wonderful, and things are generally good when everything is peaceful. But whenever conflicts arise, deep and recurring issues surface, and I am reaching my breaking point.
I recently sat down and laid out all my boundaries, grievances, and expectations to him, and I am wondering if I am foolish for even considering staying. Here is everything I told him, and I need an objective perspective on whether this is a relationship worth fighting for.
1. Communication and Respect
First, I told him that just as he dislikes certain things I do—and I stopped doing them out of respect for him—he needs to respect my boundaries too. I cannot tolerate constant vulgar language, bickering, and disrespect.
2. Fear and the Trauma of Anger
Second, I made it clear that I refuse to have a husband like the angry men I experienced in my childhood. I do not want my future children to grow up in a house filled with cursing, yelling, screaming, and throwing things over minor inconveniences. Right now, living with him often means walking on eggshells. If a plan gets canceled, if we are running late, or if I forget something, it triggers a massive outburst. I have no freedom of speech; disagreeing with him instantly escalates into screaming matches. I want mutual understanding and a healthy partnership, not constant fear.
3. Privacy and Public Scenes
Third, I told him that our private matters must stay between us. I despise it when he drags third parties into our arguments to figure out who is right or wrong, especially involving certain friends like (Saee). More importantly, I gave him a final warning about making scenes in public. I have begged him a thousand times not to throw tantrums on the street. I told him that if he ever causes another public scene, I will walk away on the spot and it will be over permanently.
4. Control and Inflexibility
Fourth, I refuse to be controlled regarding how and when we handle things like picking up (Saee). It cannot always be entirely on his terms or based solely on his convenience. There needs to be compromise.
5. Values and Verbal Abuse
Fifth, the issue of him cursing at (Sana) is a massive red flag for me because disrespecting her feels like disrespecting my spiritual beliefs. He got upset that I blocked him over it, but my stance is firm: nobody is bigger than my values. He constantly promises to try and change his habit of using foul language during arguments, but his idea of "trying" yields no actual results.
He does not share my spiritual beliefs, and while I respect his right to his own opinions and no longer force mine on him, I expect him to respect mine in return instead of mocking them or using profanity. Furthermore, he always tries to take advantage of me when I am stressed or vulnerable, making me practically beg for basic affection and care.
The Breaking Point and My Ultimatum
Everything looks wonderful when things are smooth and sweet, but a relationship's true colors show during ups and downs. Whenever we fight, he uses extremely hurtful words, hurls insults, tells me to go to hell, and threatens to abandon me. Those words stay in my mind, and my love for him is slowly fading as a result.
I even told him that he should try dating another woman just to see what a normal, healthy relationship feels like. I ask for so little—merely a fraction of the basic respect and effort any woman deserves from her boyfriend—and even that feels like a struggle.
I gave him this explanation as the absolute last one he will ever get from me. It is our final chance. If he promises to change, reverts to his old toxic behavior after a few days, and causes another explosive fight, I am walking away for good.
Given all of this—knowing that he is usually wonderful, but these recurring issues cause immense emotional pain—should I really stay in this relationship?”
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Someone answered with kindness...
Leave him, if your boundaries are nothing to him then dump him! Your peace comes first! Life is already hard enough, and on top of that if you have to care about a big baby then it would be harder. Darling, you're his girlfriend, not his mommy, if he has these kinda tantrums then send the bxxxh back to his mommy.
And you don't understand, it is easy to be happy and content when everything is going good in your relationship, the hard times show the true character behind the mask! It is tough to maintain the peace and happiness when times are hard, and it's fine! Accept it! One day if you're gonna marry him then you'd be doomed! Before marriage he acts like a patient, after marriage all his system errors will pass on to you! You're the girlfriend not bob the builder my love!
Because see, marriage is hard, marriage is tough, marriage is straining, marriage isn't just two people loving each other, love is not enough to sustain a relationship. Care, responsibility, understanding, mutual respect, curiosity, and so on, these feelings are equally important as love! And from what you've written, I feel like he doesn't love you enough to value you as a human, forget about a lady, he doesn't even show the basic decency that a human deserves. Are you really gonna spend the rest of your life with this childish, bixxhy, and intolerable man!?
Can you imagine leaning on him when you're exhausted, nine months pregnant, with dirty hair, back ache, and a bad headache? Can you imagine him being gentle with you even if you get mad at the tiniest things? Can you imagine him gently washing your hair, bathing you, changing your clothes, doing your skincare, and putting you to sleep while you're nine months pregnant and disconnected emotionally? I believe you can't, because real men make you feel like that, not creatures like this.
Just imagine him being a dad! You think your kids would love a dad that shuts them down? You think your kids would feel safe with a dad who can't even handle his own anger and strength? You think your kids will respect a dad who abuses you?
Girl, think about yourself, if not, then your kids atleast, and get out of this relationship as fastttt as you can! A man that doesn't respect or value the only woman who is gonna stay by his side forever, then he deserves a thousand deaths!!!! Sending best wishes my love! 🍀
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Wandering voices — answers no one has read yet
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Another soul answered...
See you can try and try and try , but if something is deeply rooted in a person you can not change it. You can ask him to be nice and all that, but till what point. You have to set boundaries for yourself. Relationship are to be carried by both people not equally but yes sometimes you sometimes he. He can ne angry obviously its a human nature , but not angry enough to always disrespect you and not even understanding you. Acc to me you have a lott lottt to give and you have already given a lott to a person. You can obviously not cut off him at once, it will bleed you out. Soo instead take baby steps , do less talking , indulge yourself more into you. Do what you like - I know it's gyan and it is really difficult. But one day or the other you have to show up for yourself naa. Take baby steps and move out and also during the process see how he reacts. The feeling is of anger and all that just leave him, becoz a person who genuinely want you will always have an ear for you. Soo give yourself space and I really hope you find a boy who will worship you like a goddess ✨️. Bhagwan ji bless you and give you strength
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Another soul answered...
i have a friend who was in a relationship like yours, i'd say leave him, if he cant respect what you do and all, that just makes no sense, you are basically wasting your time on the wrong person. explore yourself, you will surely find someone better.
thats all id say after reading all this, ik its a hard descision to make but if i were a close friend of yours i won't let you suffer more.
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Another soul answered...
Nope.......I think he is manipulating you and that you deserve better gurl .... what's the point of relationships if it hurts you more than it heals you....words mean nothing whiles action and efforts show everything