okay my bf of 4 months broke up with me a couple of months ago because I did not wanna yk sleep with him. He has had multiple partners before so being physical was normal to him. However, it takes time for me to get physical w someone. Recently, I stumbled upon an old friend of mine and we somehow started getting physical but we made sure that wouldnt have sex and this is super casual. Since I already knew him (we went to the same tution but didnt really talk w each other back then), it was somehow so easy for me to be myself around him. He is super kind and keeps asking me if I am comfortable. However, he is leaving in december.... What if I catch feelings for him? I lowkey had a crush on him back then but I am pretty sure he wants just casual. I have not told any of my friends about this so I am super confused :(

Question

okay my bf of 4 months broke up with me a couple of months ago because I did not wanna yk sleep with him.  He has had multiple partners before so being physical was normal to him. However, it takes time for me to get physical w someone. Recently, I stumbled upon an old friend of mine and we somehow started getting physical but we made sure that wouldnt have sex and this is super casual. Since I already knew him (we went to the same tution but didnt really talk w each other back then), it was somehow so easy for me to be myself around him. He is super kind and keeps asking me if I am comfortable. However, he is leaving in december.... What if I catch feelings for him? I lowkey had a crush on him back then but I am pretty sure he wants just casual. I have not told any of my friends about this so I am super confused :(

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

Girl, the exact same thing happened to me. Yours was a four-month relationship, mine lasted four years. When I told him I didn't want to sleep with him, he genuinely asked me if I liked someone else and kept questioning me. He tried so hard to manipulate me, but when I stood my ground, he started avoiding me. Eventually, I was the one who ended things.

He acts like all of this is cool or something. The funny thing is, I genuinely thought we could've gotten married someday, but I still chose to leave because of his behaviour.

He had been in several relationships before mine and had already been physically intimate with other people. But this was my first relationship, and even after four years, I never felt comfortable enough with him because he was emotionally and mentally unavailable. Whenever we'd have a serious conversation, he'd either make fun of me or dismiss my feelings, saying things like, "There you go again" or "You do this every day, just hang up."

That's why I ended things.

And about that guy, if you like him and feel comfortable around him, then go for it. Just don't jump straight into a relationship. Get to know each other properly first, and then decide whether you actually want to be together.