“My partner was severely emotionally abusive for years, more than a decade. After I made the decision to leave them, and told them, they made real changes and have improved how they act towards me. Things are not perfect but the trajectory is upwards, for once, after so many years. However, I don't love them anymore. I'm fond of them. I care about them, want them to have a good life. But I don't love them. I don't think that's coming back. We have kids together, and they are honestly not a functional adult. What do I do? I want to be with someone I genuinely love within my life, someone who hasn't hurt me so bad. But I also don't want my kids to grow up splitting time with a parent who's gone off the rails once their codependent left. Is it selfish to leave? Is it my responsibility to stay?”

Another soul answered...

You have lost your self. Selfish and selfless are dancers. To rise, you must be self-full. First, find you.

Another soul answered...

If you are a woman then you will monkey branch onto another man, if you are a man then you will remain burdened by your empathy.

Another soul answered...

It sounds like you're waiting for the blessing of an internet stranger to leave your partner in a loveless marriage, but you are worried about the consequences of doing so. This is a difficult problem for certain, and despite our massive collective wisdom, there is no clear or easy answer/path here forwards. On the one hand, you have your own happiness, and on the other, the happiness of your children. Perhaps it is important to observe the entirety of your life, and to seek greater or professional counsel with regards as what to do. Both roads here carry consequences.

Another soul answered...

Staying in a bad relationship never helps anyone. I had a family member who stayed all her life with an abusive husband, until he died. She's in her 60s now, much healthier, and only starting to live her own life. You deserve your own life too.

Another soul answered...

Yes, stay for your kids and also for your partner. He's a kid too. Love is a verb.

Another soul answered...

You have a responsibility for your children, but equally you have a responsibility for yourself. It is not selfish to pursue your own happiness. Children grow up fine with separated parents, and they are perceptive enough to know if you're trying to hold together a failing relationship for their sake.

Another soul answered...

My father was not the best, but it hurt me a lot anyway when my parents split. I am going to buck the trend a little bit and say that if your kids love him, don't get in the way of them learning something from him anyway. Sometimes a bad example is still worth analyzing. It's much better than no example at all. You're only being selfish if you rip him out of their lives against their will.

Another soul answered...

Boundaries are fine. The responsibility is more with your kids.