“My dad has passed away a year before... I still miss him about his absence and his lil things that happened on my daily basis of my life... sometimes whenever I try to remember the voice that he called me... I kinda get teared up... sometimes I want to go to talk to my own ppl... but sometimes that leads Into an fight even if I say what I felt about them nd how I felt... at some point I kinda started to bottled up my emotions and I kinda had intense panic attacks too... sometimes its painful to show my emotions to my mom nd brother who are sensitive enough nd my brother is protective yet sensitive enough if I shed a tear he would kinda feel hurt... sometimes I get intense panic attack and I cry a lot whenever I am alone... but I really miss the person who was my cheerleader and the person who always loved me nd chose me without any hesitation... I tried contacting my friends about my mental health but they didnt interact with me though... Idk what to do to be honest... my life has been hit rock bottom ever since my dad passed away... I have cried a lot while traveling on busses (my dad doesnt allow me... sometimes he used to regret that I travel at clg bus cuz I dont get seats plus at times I used to sit at engine seat or staircase (there are clgs that does that but I dont want to mention its name) cuz he worries about my safety) and sometimes whenever I see an daughter who interacts with their dad's so lovingly... I cried once at public places cuz of it... during one of my sem exam.. I had intensely panic attack for 2 hours where I wrote about icu patients machine works nd ecg machines stuffs and all... that gave an intense panic attacks cuz I remembered my dad nd I was in urge of crying also... its kinda feel heavy and carying it alone nd making everyone life easy cuz I dont want to ruin their day and to feel upset about me that I aint moving on... I havent moved on but I dont like expressing my depressed side to anyone much... I still miss my dad a lot than any words or emotions...”
✦
Someone answered with kindness...
I haven't experienced such intense grief firsthand but..the father part did move me..honestly, the feeling will never truly go away, the grief will soften with time as your world expands and I hope it does for you. Slowly , by slowly. And yes, one can still grieve about things that they have moved on. Perhaps you can use this sadness to something physical. Go on a morning walk and try to feel your father in the winds or eat a candy once in a while in his honour. Make space for all the emotions that come alongside grief. And before I end, 🪷. A lotus. To symbolize blooming through mud