I've been struggling with a friendship that has been a huge part of my life for almost seven years. It was a long-distance friendship, but the emotional connection was incredibly important to me. I considered her my best friend and someone I could always count on. However, over time, things started changing, and the friendship gradually became emotionally exhausting.

During a particularly difficult phase of my life, when I was dealing with career uncertainty, job struggles and feeling stuck, I started noticing changes in the way she treated me. Instead of feeling understood and supported, I often felt criticised, judged and put down. Even small things I did seemed to become reasons for arguments. There were situations where I felt my character was being questioned, my intentions were misunderstood, and personal experiences were brought into arguments in ways that deeply hurt me.

One of the major incidents happened during my visit to Coimbatore. I had plans to meet our mutual friend X, along with her and another mutual friend, Y. Somehow, my plans were interpreted as me prioritising X over her. What could have been a simple conversation turned into a huge misunderstanding. Things escalated into arguments, shouting and emotional confrontations. Y also became involved, and eventually communication between us broke down.

Later, Y and I apologised to each other and managed to repair our friendship. However, things with my best friend never really returned to normal. There were unresolved feelings, repeated disagreements and a growing sense that my side of the story was never genuinely understood.

Another particularly painful experience was when she visited my home. The interaction became emotionally overwhelming, and I felt as though I was being portrayed as the villain, even in front of my family. I ended up crying for almost three hours because of how deeply everything affected me. It wasn't just about one argument; it was the accumulation of several incidents, unresolved emotions and things I had been holding inside for a long time.

I eventually started feeling that I couldn't communicate my feelings without things turning into another argument. Whenever I tried to create some distance or take time for myself, I felt that my need for space wasn't being respected. This made me feel trapped between wanting to save the friendship and wanting to protect myself emotionally.

Eventually, I decided to step away. I took a break from social media for about a month and stopped communicating with her. Maintaining distance wasn't easy because this wasn't a random friendship. It was someone who had been part of my life for seven years. I had shared so many memories, personal experiences and important moments with her. Walking away felt like losing a significant part of my life.

Even after distancing myself, I continued to experience mixed emotions. Some days I miss her, our conversations, the memories and the closeness we once shared. Other days, I remember how emotionally drained, misunderstood and hurt I felt. I constantly replay conversations in my head, question my reactions and wonder whether I could have handled certain situations differently.

I also struggle with anxious attachment and overthinking. Sometimes I wonder whether I was wrong, whether I should reach out, whether she misses me or whether she even understands how much everything affected me. I find myself wanting an explanation or some form of acknowledgement, even though I know that repeatedly seeking validation can pull me back into the same emotional cycle.

The situation with our mutual friends X and Y adds another layer to everything. I don't want anyone to feel forced to choose sides, and I value my individual friendships separately. At the same time, I don't want to pretend that nothing happened or suppress my feelings just to keep everyone comfortable.

What makes this entire situation harder is that I'm already going through a transitional phase in my life. I'm trying to figure out my career, pursue higher studies, become financially independent, move out of my hometown and experience life beyond the environment I've been in for so long. I want to meet new people, build meaningful connections, travel, socialise and become more confident and independent.

However, this friendship has occupied so much of my emotional space that I sometimes feel unable to move forward completely. I hate how much time I spend thinking about what happened, analysing conversations and wondering whether I was a bad friend. I want to stop allowing this situation to affect my self-worth and everyday happiness.

I don't necessarily hate her, nor do I want to erase seven years of memories. I still acknowledge the good parts of our friendship. But I'm beginning to understand that the history I share with someone doesn't mean I have to continuously tolerate situations that hurt me. A long friendship doesn't automatically make an unhealthy dynamic acceptable.

At this point, I don't know whether I want reconciliation, an apology, closure or simply emotional freedom from everything that happened. What I do know is that I don't want to keep chasing explanations, proving my intentions or feeling guilty for choosing distance.

I want to learn how to maintain boundaries without feeling like I'm abandoning someone. I want to stop overthinking, stop depending on other people's validation and rebuild the confidence I feel I've lost.

More than anything, I want to reach a stage where I can remember the friendship without feeling emotionally disturbed, accept that things have changed and focus on building a life that makes me genuinely happy.

I want to feel like myself again, without carrying the emotional weight of this friendship everywhere I go.

Question

I've been struggling with a friendship that has been a huge part of my life for almost seven years. It was a long-distance friendship, but the emotional connection was incredibly important to me. I considered her my best friend and someone I could always count on. However, over time, things started changing, and the friendship gradually became emotionally exhausting.

During a particularly difficult phase of my life, when I was dealing with career uncertainty, job struggles and feeling stuck, I started noticing changes in the way she treated me. Instead of feeling understood and supported, I often felt criticised, judged and put down. Even small things I did seemed to become reasons for arguments. There were situations where I felt my character was being questioned, my intentions were misunderstood, and personal experiences were brought into arguments in ways that deeply hurt me.

One of the major incidents happened during my visit to Coimbatore. I had plans to meet our mutual friend X, along with her and another mutual friend, Y. Somehow, my plans were interpreted as me prioritising X over her. What could have been a simple conversation turned into a huge misunderstanding. Things escalated into arguments, shouting and emotional confrontations. Y also became involved, and eventually communication between us broke down.

Later, Y and I apologised to each other and managed to repair our friendship. However, things with my best friend never really returned to normal. There were unresolved feelings, repeated disagreements and a growing sense that my side of the story was never genuinely understood.

Another particularly painful experience was when she visited my home. The interaction became emotionally overwhelming, and I felt as though I was being portrayed as the villain, even in front of my family. I ended up crying for almost three hours because of how deeply everything affected me. It wasn't just about one argument; it was the accumulation of several incidents, unresolved emotions and things I had been holding inside for a long time.

I eventually started feeling that I couldn't communicate my feelings without things turning into another argument. Whenever I tried to create some distance or take time for myself, I felt that my need for space wasn't being respected. This made me feel trapped between wanting to save the friendship and wanting to protect myself emotionally.

Eventually, I decided to step away. I took a break from social media for about a month and stopped communicating with her. Maintaining distance wasn't easy because this wasn't a random friendship. It was someone who had been part of my life for seven years. I had shared so many memories, personal experiences and important moments with her. Walking away felt like losing a significant part of my life.

Even after distancing myself, I continued to experience mixed emotions. Some days I miss her, our conversations, the memories and the closeness we once shared. Other days, I remember how emotionally drained, misunderstood and hurt I felt. I constantly replay conversations in my head, question my reactions and wonder whether I could have handled certain situations differently.

I also struggle with anxious attachment and overthinking. Sometimes I wonder whether I was wrong, whether I should reach out, whether she misses me or whether she even understands how much everything affected me. I find myself wanting an explanation or some form of acknowledgement, even though I know that repeatedly seeking validation can pull me back into the same emotional cycle.

The situation with our mutual friends X and Y adds another layer to everything. I don't want anyone to feel forced to choose sides, and I value my individual friendships separately. At the same time, I don't want to pretend that nothing happened or suppress my feelings just to keep everyone comfortable.

What makes this entire situation harder is that I'm already going through a transitional phase in my life. I'm trying to figure out my career, pursue higher studies, become financially independent, move out of my hometown and experience life beyond the environment I've been in for so long. I want to meet new people, build meaningful connections, travel, socialise and become more confident and independent.

However, this friendship has occupied so much of my emotional space that I sometimes feel unable to move forward completely. I hate how much time I spend thinking about what happened, analysing conversations and wondering whether I was a bad friend. I want to stop allowing this situation to affect my self-worth and everyday happiness.

I don't necessarily hate her, nor do I want to erase seven years of memories. I still acknowledge the good parts of our friendship. But I'm beginning to understand that the history I share with someone doesn't mean I have to continuously tolerate situations that hurt me. A long friendship doesn't automatically make an unhealthy dynamic acceptable.

At this point, I don't know whether I want reconciliation, an apology, closure or simply emotional freedom from everything that happened. What I do know is that I don't want to keep chasing explanations, proving my intentions or feeling guilty for choosing distance.

I want to learn how to maintain boundaries without feeling like I'm abandoning someone. I want to stop overthinking, stop depending on other people's validation and rebuild the confidence I feel I've lost.

More than anything, I want to reach a stage where I can remember the friendship without feeling emotionally disturbed, accept that things have changed and focus on building a life that makes me genuinely happy.

I want to feel like myself again, without carrying the emotional weight of this friendship everywhere I go.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

It's a kinda such big message 😂 from you , you are well self aware than you think 🫡. You already know it's not good to carry it around so you should think that " this 7 years were somewhat bitter-sweet-sour time we spend together and I really love and cherish it but it's gonna hurt a little to loose the connection but it's okay" you already know you need move on so give it a time. Sometimes it takes more time to move on. For your learning boundaries, I actually not good at it just like you but I think I would say don't explain yourself if other people don't understand you. If they try to ask things you feel awkward or don't want to tell them take a pause, even if that pause become long take your time and then say no if you feel like it. You actually softly with other person so you think not to hurt them and your boundaries gets blurry so when you feel like they are asking too much think 'I AM SELFISH AND SHAMELESS ' it's wierd but it gives courage to say NO. When you say this to yourself you will think you will act disrespectful by doing SELFISH NO but when words will come out of your mouth they will be just polite no because first you were hesitating to say NO but by this thought you will think let's reduce politely. If you want to start feeling yourself again then spend time with animals or in grass alone without phone. You will get thoughts which makes you feel happy or feel yourself and do those things so you will be free from guilt of friendship 😊. I hope it helps you.