“I've been dating a guy for a year now.. i love him very much but he's an avoidant. We argue every day. In the middle of our relationship he atleast learned to apologise whenever i used to express that i was hurt or sad with his actions or words.. but now? From the last few months he has completed changed. I am not emotionally strong and he's aware of that.. he has been hurting me with his actions like never asking me if i am doing good when i am feeling down or checking up on me on my periods.. whenever i tell him that i am hurt he just replies with "ohh" that's it. I've talked about this to my friends ajd my sister and they're telling me to break up with him. We had a fight 4 days back and i am not talking to him since.. i told him why i was hurt and he just replied with "ohh we'll talk about this once we meet". He let me go to sleep with a heavy heart. I yold him today that i am not going to talk to him if he doesn't apologizes and this guy straight up told me that he isn't gonna apologise bcz apparently its not his fault. He thinks he's not in the wrong. He told me "don't talk if you don't want to but I won't apologise". I've been trying over this guy for the last few days. He stresses me out and he has been doing this since qe started dating but i tried to be patient enough for him as this was his first relationship but I don't think ican do that anymore.. we break up once in a month and then patch up. He doesn't even do the bare minimum but i still struggle to leave him bcz i am attached to him. My mental health and physical health is messed up. I've lost 5kgs in one year bcz of my relationship bcz nothing in my life stresses me more thn my relationship.. a few of my friends told me that i am stuck in a trauma bonded relationship (i am not sure if that's true but I'd want to know about it more if its really a trauma bond). I can't leave him bcz i lack self control. I unblock him after a few hours of keeping him blocked.. i wait for him to message me first and apologize (but he never does it). Its hurting me very much and i just want to be mentally and physically fine. I want the sparks of my eyes back that I've lost after getting into a relationship with him. Its not an easy thing for me to get over him as i struggle to move on and heal. I just want a genuine advice to what should i do. Also this guy told me to "block" him bcz i always argue and he doesn't feel like arguing with me anymore.. can someone please tell me what should i do rn (pls don't advice me for a therapist as in my case it's not possible rn). And what my relationship exactly is and how should i get over him (if it's very much toxic and not solvable). Thanks for reading this I'll be waiting for a reply.”
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Someone answered with kindness...
Honestly, I think it's time you choose yourself. You can love someone deeply and still accept that they're not good for your peace. Being avoidant isn't an excuse to constantly dismiss your feelings. A relationship requires effort from both sides, and you cannot keep carrying it alone. I think you're holding on to the hope that he'll become the person he was in the beginning, but you need to look at how he's treating you now, not who you wish he'd become. My advice is to stop this cycle of breaking up and getting back together, give yourself some distance and stop waiting for an apology that he isn't willing to give. It won't be easy, especially when you're attached, but missing him doesn't mean you should go back. And please take your health seriously. Losing weight and constantly feeling stressed because of a relationship aren't things you should ignore. You don't have to hate someone to walk away from them. Sometimes, choosing yourself means leaving someone you still love 💕 and you deserve the best In this world don't feel sad bcz he don't value you and bbg please don't run behind him being brutally honest have some self-respect and boundaries just completely cut him off and try to move on yah it seems difficult but not impossible you can do it🎀just do it gurl focus on yourself