I’ve become emotionally attached and attracted to someone who has hurt me through inconsistencies, dishonesty, dismissiveness and occasional manipulation.Despite this, I genuinely enjoy their company and find it difficult to let go.

I understand that I may have also become overly attached and emotionally invested. However, the trust issues make it difficult to continue the bond as before.

Would it be healthier to maintain a casual friendship, distance myself completely, or step back and observe whether the other person makes any genuine effort? How do I make this decision without letting my attachment cloud my judgement?

Question

I’ve become emotionally attached and attracted to someone who has hurt me through inconsistencies, dishonesty, dismissiveness and occasional manipulation.Despite this, I genuinely enjoy their company and find it difficult to let go.

I understand that I may have also become overly attached and emotionally invested. However, the trust issues make it difficult to continue the bond as before.

Would it be healthier to maintain a casual friendship, distance myself completely, or step back and observe whether the other person makes any genuine effort? How do I make this decision without letting my attachment cloud my judgement?

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

Your attachment will always cloud your judgement. Because we are human beings, emotions are core to us. They will always influence the way we think. Taking right decisions is not so much about being smart, because we are all in the potential capacity to be smart, but instead about courage. It takes courage to do something that goes against our guts.

You are in a situation where you hide the bad to favor the good. You should realize, though, that in a relationship, you should not be in a constant state of doubt as to whether what you have is actually good for you or not. You are favoring pleasure, or temporary happiness, over consistency, respect, and arguably, love. You need to love yourself enough to recognize that this is not good for you, and you deserve better.

Recognize this, and take the plunge, leave him/her. It will be better for you. It may be hard initially, because you are used to all the things your partner used to provide to you. But once you start forgetting, and realizing you can deal on your own, you'll start feeling better, and you'll know you made the right decision. Rebuilding trust with whoever comes next, too, will be hard, but when you start prioritizing yourself, you'll see that the trust you have to offer will only land in safe hands, and it'll come naturally later on.

Everything will be okay, just breathe, and be brave.