“It's kind of disturbing when you now that no one would pick you out in a room full of other people. it hurts when you know you're always there for everyone, reaching out to them but no one actually there for you at your lowest. everyone has their main friend and i'm just a backup at this point who only exists when ppl are bored. always a planner, never a receiver. always a photographer, never the photographed. always a friend, never a best friend. overdoing everything for people who won't even move a stick for you, texting paragraphs to people who don't even deserve a reply. i show as of it's alright but it's not. im tired of pretending this. i want that kinda friendship where i feel comfortable enough to be myself but it's just a wish. at the end of the day it's just me and my thoughts against the world. i feel like everyone hates and they're just pretending to tolerate bcs I've too many problems that keep me occupied not some problems that people usually have but some other things that no one understands. i also wanna experience that kinda friendship where everything just..fits.that will never happen i know. im that friend who's presence actually meaning nothing, it is heartbreaking to write to share but it is what it is. if I won't be available, no one will feel my absence bcs they've better people than me. im just a mess who's trying just trying and things are not working out in her favour she's crying, but she's not giving up but still everything is the same. there's no positive change in her personality, character she's just breaking into pieces day by day. all jer friends are having THAT time of their libes and she's j stuck in a lmbo and there's no way out”
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Someone answered with kindness...
hey.. take a moment for yourself here. i know it might feel like no one actually sees you and i feel the same way. but i can assure there are going to be people who would definitely notice your absence.. to be honest, im on the same boat as you at the moment. but please remember that the friends or people around you that you have right now arent the ones who're gonna stay with you forever.. you will find THAT one person who will be there for you at your lowest, trust me. you just need to let it happen. also, try being yourself.. i know it sounds like it might be a huge task since you've stated you wish to feel comfortable being yourself, i cant tell if its because you feel like someone's gonna judge you or for a completely different reason. ask yourself what stops you from being yourself around these people,, start there maybe? also its okay to be alone and only have yourself and your thoughts if that feels comfortable! i do have friends but i fear none of them are close to me. i always feel different and like they're way out of my league. but please remember you make several memories in this lifetime, meet several new people, and the happiest you've ever been so far isnt the happiest you'll ever be. and if you truly feel like you're getting ignored all the time.. i'd say dont put in so much effort to the point it starts feeling like a chore. people who love you for you would love regardless of your effort, it isnt worth it. if u want to vent, im okay with listening.
im not very good at this but i can assure you you're not alone, and never will be. you ARE appreciated and loved, remember that always <3