Is this love, attraction, or emotional attachment? And does this connection have a future?

I'm a 21-year-old guy, and I've been feeling something confusing lately. I'd genuinely appreciate some perspective because this is pretty new to me.

I have a female friend whom I met online around a year ago. Let's call her A.

Over the past year, she's made a surprisingly big impact on my life. And I don't mean that in a romantic sense necessarily.

I'm an introvert, and I used to feel uncomfortable talking to girls, especially over calls. She helped me overcome my fear of talking on calls, improve my communication, and even work on my dressing sense. She's also been actively helping me find a job, sometimes putting in more effort than I put in myself. XD

She's quite extroverted, and we regularly have long conversations. Our longest voice call was around 8 hours! 😭

We share our daily experiences, discuss random things, encourage each other before exams, competitions and other important events, and genuinely care about each other's well-being.

Something I particularly appreciate is that she also cares about my family. She asks about my mom and dad and remembers things about them. Similarly, I care about her and her family.

Over time, someone who was initially a complete stranger has become someone I feel incredibly comfortable talking to.

And somewhere along the way, I started developing feelings for her.

Now, I'm genuinely confused about what I'm experiencing.

A few things I've noticed:

- I frequently dream about her. I have around 200+ photos and videos she's shared with me over Snapchat, and we even maintained a 153-day streak with the BFF charm. I recently deleted Snapchat because, honestly, I was using it primarily to receive her pictures. She also stopped using it after I did.
- My brain unconsciously tries to find her in other girls. Whenever I meet or see someone, I sometimes compare them to her.
- I find myself thinking about her even when I'm occupied with other things.
- I genuinely look forward to talking to her, and her presence has become a regular part of my daily life.

I've never experienced this kind of connection before.

In fact, I've rejected two girls who approached me offline in the past because I simply didn't feel comfortable around them. I've generally been quite distant from romantic relationships and never really understood why people made such a big deal about them.

But with B, it's different. I can talk to her comfortably for hours without feeling awkward.

Here are the things I'd really like to understand:

1. How do I differentiate between genuine love, attraction, emotional attachment and simply becoming emotionally dependent on someone's presence?
2. Why does someone start appearing in our dreams so frequently? Is it just because we think about them a lot, or could there be something deeper psychologically?
3. Why am I unconsciously comparing other girls to her? Is this a sign of attachment, idealisation or something else?
4. Can we genuinely fall in love with someone we've only met online, even if we've never physically spent time together?
5. How can I understand whether my feelings are genuine love or whether I'm simply attached to the way she makes me feel?
6. How do I know whether there's a possibility of something romantic from her side? She's caring and puts considerable effort into our friendship, but I also understand that being caring doesn't necessarily mean having romantic feelings.

There's another aspect I'm struggling with.

I genuinely want her to remain a part of my life, but I don't want her to stay because of guilt, obligation or pressure. If she ever chooses to be with someone else, I want her to be happy.

At the same time, I'm not sure whether I'd be able to continue the exact same friendship while having romantic feelings for her, especially if those feelings aren't reciprocated.

I also don't want our friendship to create unnecessary complications in her future relationship or marriage.

So what should I actually do?

Should I honestly communicate my feelings at some point, or should I first take time to understand them myself?

How can I approach this without making her uncomfortable or risking a friendship that genuinely means a lot to me?

I'm also aware that I'm just 21, relatively inexperienced in relationships, and still working on myself. I don't know much about flirting or romantic interactions, and I'm learning how to become a better version of myself.

I don't want to rush into anything, nor do I want to mistake someone's kindness for romantic interest.

But I also don't want to dismiss something meaningful just because I've never experienced it before.

My biggest question is: How do I distinguish between loving someone for who they are and becoming attached to the happiness, comfort and emotional support they bring into my life?

I'd appreciate honest, practical and unbiased advice. Even if the answer is something I might not want to hear, I'd rather understand the situation clearly than keep overthinking it.

Thanks for reading this long post! XD

Question

Is this love, attraction, or emotional attachment? And does this connection have a future?

I'm a 21-year-old guy, and I've been feeling something confusing lately. I'd genuinely appreciate some perspective because this is pretty new to me.

I have a female friend whom I met online around a year ago. Let's call her A.

Over the past year, she's made a surprisingly big impact on my life. And I don't mean that in a romantic sense necessarily.

I'm an introvert, and I used to feel uncomfortable talking to girls, especially over calls. She helped me overcome my fear of talking on calls, improve my communication, and even work on my dressing sense. She's also been actively helping me find a job, sometimes putting in more effort than I put in myself. XD

She's quite extroverted, and we regularly have long conversations. Our longest voice call was around 8 hours! 😭

We share our daily experiences, discuss random things, encourage each other before exams, competitions and other important events, and genuinely care about each other's well-being.

Something I particularly appreciate is that she also cares about my family. She asks about my mom and dad and remembers things about them. Similarly, I care about her and her family.

Over time, someone who was initially a complete stranger has become someone I feel incredibly comfortable talking to.

And somewhere along the way, I started developing feelings for her.

Now, I'm genuinely confused about what I'm experiencing.

A few things I've noticed:

- I frequently dream about her. I have around 200+ photos and videos she's shared with me over Snapchat, and we even maintained a 153-day streak with the BFF charm. I recently deleted Snapchat because, honestly, I was using it primarily to receive her pictures. She also stopped using it after I did.
- My brain unconsciously tries to find her in other girls. Whenever I meet or see someone, I sometimes compare them to her.
- I find myself thinking about her even when I'm occupied with other things.
- I genuinely look forward to talking to her, and her presence has become a regular part of my daily life.

I've never experienced this kind of connection before.

In fact, I've rejected two girls who approached me offline in the past because I simply didn't feel comfortable around them. I've generally been quite distant from romantic relationships and never really understood why people made such a big deal about them.

But with B, it's different. I can talk to her comfortably for hours without feeling awkward.

Here are the things I'd really like to understand:

1. How do I differentiate between genuine love, attraction, emotional attachment and simply becoming emotionally dependent on someone's presence?
2. Why does someone start appearing in our dreams so frequently? Is it just because we think about them a lot, or could there be something deeper psychologically?
3. Why am I unconsciously comparing other girls to her? Is this a sign of attachment, idealisation or something else?
4. Can we genuinely fall in love with someone we've only met online, even if we've never physically spent time together?
5. How can I understand whether my feelings are genuine love or whether I'm simply attached to the way she makes me feel?
6. How do I know whether there's a possibility of something romantic from her side? She's caring and puts considerable effort into our friendship, but I also understand that being caring doesn't necessarily mean having romantic feelings.

There's another aspect I'm struggling with.

I genuinely want her to remain a part of my life, but I don't want her to stay because of guilt, obligation or pressure. If she ever chooses to be with someone else, I want her to be happy.

At the same time, I'm not sure whether I'd be able to continue the exact same friendship while having romantic feelings for her, especially if those feelings aren't reciprocated.

I also don't want our friendship to create unnecessary complications in her future relationship or marriage.

So what should I actually do?

Should I honestly communicate my feelings at some point, or should I first take time to understand them myself?

How can I approach this without making her uncomfortable or risking a friendship that genuinely means a lot to me?

I'm also aware that I'm just 21, relatively inexperienced in relationships, and still working on myself. I don't know much about flirting or romantic interactions, and I'm learning how to become a better version of myself.

I don't want to rush into anything, nor do I want to mistake someone's kindness for romantic interest.

But I also don't want to dismiss something meaningful just because I've never experienced it before.

My biggest question is: How do I distinguish between loving someone for who they are and becoming attached to the happiness, comfort and emotional support they bring into my life?

I'd appreciate honest, practical and unbiased advice. Even if the answer is something I might not want to hear, I'd rather understand the situation clearly than keep overthinking it.

Thanks for reading this long post! XD

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

Yo mate this is a nice one 
I love the way how you presented your perception. Was amazing.

Firstly I am a psychology major with some years of experience so lemme break down your thoughts for you with the information i have . Presented by you ofcourse

1. Well love is not one single component now is it ? Love is a mixture of all the feelings. There is attraction, care , feeling, etc all are involved then it's lovely . If you are only feeling one type of feeling towards them then it isn't love . Love means bearing the unimaginable pain that can happen if this person leaves from your life . ( I think you do have a great wonderful friendship and sorry to say this my friend, you have fallen in love )

2. Regarding the dream there is no fixed scientific reason to why that happens but the most acceptable one to this date is that the person is so much in our mind that to see dreams more than twice it means they are also in the subconscious part of the mind

3.its a framework you build . You have no prior experience so everything she gave you is what you idolised and perceive as right . Hence you have an ideology on how a partner , friend should be according to the relationship you currently have

4. Yes you can . Broski you have no idea on how much magnificent the concept of love is . I have heard stories about a couple you loved eachother after just knowing for a 3 months . The guy was drafted to war and when he came back she was there , waited for 3 years .... 3 months they didn't even converse anything at all tbh . So love is magnificent indeed

5. Ask yourself questions like . Would you be willing to spend the rest of your life with her ? Would it bother you to argue with her . It's easy to love her in her best . But when shes in her worst state possible would you choose to be with her ? ( Ik your answer is yes btw hehhe . What i wanna say is , there is love in friendship as well , the only question is will both of you transcend it to couple or not )

6. Ask her in a conversation, if you both are intellectual matured enough then . Ask her on how she sees you as . As her what's her presepcetive about you . And if you are slightly more daring say that you do love her and even if she rejects you can keep the friendship going.

7. No one stays forever. That's the sad part . When prioritiess change people change as well . So nothing is gonna last for ever . You will have contact at the very best but you both would have to move on if she got married cause then it's a new beginning for them .

My honest answer is , you do love this person, enough to truly care about them . By checking if she has feelings or not you can transcend this relationship. And even if that doesn't happen. You would have found yourself a beautiful friend.