Im quite average in studies, i used to be good at dancing, basketball, art etc, none of it i finished properly because 10th boards and shit and life went by and boom now im 22 in a different country loooking for a job, my mother is old, i have a dog whos 5 years old, i know im not trying enough, but i know i should, i have clarity. But i failed myself i failed my mother and i feel like i used her resources careleslly, my fault, i shouldve focused better i shouldve prioritised better, but no matter what something always happens, and something always happens. I am in a LDR long story short i love him so much but i think my interest in flucuating not because i found someone else before anybody thinks that, whenever we fight he enevr checks on me, when i needed his emotional support he would j ask me to lock in and move on and not acknowledge whast bothering me, and i told him this, and now im the problem again cuz it told him he doesnt communicate well, he leaves on seen, doesnt message me when hes free or before he sleeps, i know he has a job theres time difference n all of that but i am understanding, but today he said you are selective with what you listen to u wont get it that i am uncomfortable with what you wear, but this is who i was before him as well, what i wear and what i post is now me trying to get someones attention, i wear anything revealing its a huge problem cuz hes not around me, i dont need his protection btw. Do i adjust for this or do i ask him to understand me and idk hwo to put these in words to him cuz he will misunderstand everything

Question

Im quite average in studies, i used to be good at dancing, basketball, art etc, none of it i finished properly because 10th boards and shit and life went by and boom now im 22 in a different country loooking for a job, my mother is old, i have a dog whos 5 years old, i know im not trying enough, but i know i should, i have clarity. But i failed myself i failed my mother and i feel like i used her resources careleslly, my fault, i shouldve focused better i shouldve prioritised better, but no matter what something always happens, and something always happens.  I am in a LDR long story short i love him so much but i think my interest in flucuating not because i found someone else before anybody thinks that, whenever we fight he enevr checks on me, when i needed his emotional support he would j ask me to lock in and move on and not acknowledge whast bothering me, and i told him this, and now im the problem again cuz it told him he doesnt communicate well, he leaves on seen, doesnt message me when hes free or before he sleeps, i know he has a job theres time difference n all of that but i am understanding, but today he said you are selective with what you listen to u wont get it that i am uncomfortable with what you wear, but this is who i was before him as well,  what i wear and what i post is now me trying to get someones attention, i wear anything revealing its a huge problem cuz hes not around me, i dont need his protection btw. Do i adjust for this or do i ask him to understand me and idk hwo to put these in words to him cuz he will misunderstand everything

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

Hey, I read all of this, and I want you to know there's a lot of care in it. You're 22, in a new country, job hunting, worried about your mom and loving your dog. That's a lot to carry, and the fact that you feel guilty tells me you're a person who takes responsibility seriously.

**On your past:** Missing out on things because of boards and life getting in the way doesn't make you a failure. You're 22, not finished. Dancing, basketball, and art are still available to you. Start with one small thing a day toward the job search, not a perfect effort. "Not trying enough" usually means overwhelmed, not lazy. And your mom likely cares far more about you being okay than about what was spent.

**On him:** You're not asking for too much. Wanting someone to check in after a fight and acknowledge what's bothering you is a basic need, not a flaw. Time zones and work explain delays, but they don't explain leaving you alone after conflict.

Try telling him, calmly and in one message: *"When we fight and you go quiet, I feel alone. I don't need you to fix it, I need you to check in."* Say it once, plainly, and watch how he responds. That tells you more than any argument will.

**On the clothes:** You don't have to shrink yourself to prove love. But "I'm not doing this for attention" and "this bothers me" can both be true. Talk about how you each feel, not who's right. A good partner meets you in the middle without controlling you.

You don't have to choose between adjusting and asking him to understand. Do the second first, and be kind to yourself while you do.