Someone once asked...

“I'm developing feelings for a girl, and we're really close friends. She shares things with me that she doesn't share with anyone else. I don't want to reveal what those things are, not even anonymously, because they're her secrets. I respect her trust, and I've never shared them with anyone. I never will. She knows almost everything about me, too. The complicated part is that she has a boyfriend. I don't want to get in the way of their relationship, nor do I expect anything romantic to happen between us. There was a time when they broke up, and she talked to me a lot that day. A few days later, she told me that her boyfriend wanted another chance and asked what she should do. I told her that the decision was entirely hers. If she believed he could change, treat her better, and take good care of her, then there was nothing wrong with giving him another chance. I said that because I went through a breakup five years ago, and I've been single ever since. I know how painful it can be to lose someone you genuinely love. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone, including her boyfriend. Eventually, she decided to give him another chance, and she told me that things were better between them. Honestly, I'm happy for both of them. But here's where I'm struggling: what am I supposed to do with my own feelings? We're more than just ordinary friends. We're each other's safe place. Whenever she's going through a difficult time, she comes to me, and I do the same when I'm struggling. We listen to each other, share our problems, and find comfort in knowing that we have someone to rely on. I genuinely care about her, and I don't want my feelings to ruin what we have. I don't want to cross any boundaries or become a reason for problems in her relationship. At the same time, I don't know how to deal with feelings that I can't simply switch off. Sometimes, I wonder if I should distance myself from her or even stop talking to her altogether. But honestly, I don't know what the right thing to do is. From your perspective, am I a good guy or a bad guy in this situation? What would you do if you were in my place? Should I keep things the way they are or distance myself from her? I'd really appreciate your honest thoughts and advice because I'm genuinely confused about what to do.”

Someone answered with kindness...Thanked by the asker

Hi. Firstly just take a breath. I know how you feel. But you also have a life to live rather than be someone’s pillow to cry on. Why don’t you be there for your friend (someone’s girlfriend) while you find your own. If it’s meant to be it wouldn’t take that long for her to reciprocate. Chances are you express and everything that you’ve build will be gone or you convince yourself that it’s not love that you feel, it’s just attachment. Two people can feel emotional for each other without being in love too. You don’t have to distance her and kick her when she’s down. All you have to do is revert to the self that got you guys close enough that she gained the trust to tell you. Why don’t you try talking to other girls and explore a bit while being a true friend. Not just because she wants you to be , because you also can have that platonic affection for her and mean it when you call her your friend too.

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