I'm a loser who can't look after my family, friends or anyone, introvert and a numb skull who always gets 3rd class treatments with friends and family, who doesn't have anyone, who is not any one's first option and who definitely didn't wish to be born and rather think death is better part of me being alive

Question

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

I want you to understand that you're being far too harsh on yourself. You keep describing yourself as a loser, a burden, and someone who isn't good enough for the people around you, but have you ever stopped to think that maybe you're just someone who's been carrying too much emotionally for far too long? Someone who keeps expecting themselves to be there for everyone, even when they don't feel like anyone is there for them?

You don't have to be the perfect son, daughter, sibling, friend or person to deserve love. You don't have to be exceptionally good at looking after people to be worthy of being looked after yourself. And being an introvert doesn't make you any less interesting, being a little clueless doesn't make you stupid, and struggling to maintain relationships doesn't mean you're incapable of loving people. You're human. You're allowed to have shortcomings, make mistakes, get things wrong and have days when you simply don't have the energy to be there for anyone.

And please, don't measure your worth by how people treat you. I know it hurts to feel like you're everyone's second, third or last option. I know how exhausting it can be to constantly wonder whether people would notice your absence, whether anyone would choose you without having to be reminded, or whether you're as important to them as they are to you. But someone's inability to appreciate you doesn't automatically mean there's nothing about you worth appreciating. You cannot make yourself unworthy just because some people have failed to make you feel valued.

You say you don't have anyone, but I hope you realise that you don't have to earn a place in someone's life by constantly being useful, entertaining, available or accommodating. You deserve friendships where you can be quiet without feeling awkward, where you can be having a terrible day without worrying that you're being too much, where you can make mistakes and still feel accepted. You deserve to be someone's first choice, yes, but more importantly, you deserve to become someone who doesn't have to question their worth every time another person fails to choose them.

And about wishing you were never born or thinking death would be better, please don't dismiss those thoughts as just another flaw in yourself. I don't know everything you're going through, but I do know that you shouldn't have to face those feelings alone. Your life is worth so much more than the way things are making you feel right now. You don't have to figure everything out today. You don't have to fix every relationship, become a better version of yourself overnight or suddenly learn how to handle everything. Sometimes getting through the day is enough.

I wish you could see yourself without all the disappointment, guilt and resentment you've accumulated over time. Maybe then you'd realise that you're not the terrible person you've convinced yourself you are. You're someone who deserves patience, affection, understanding and a little kindness, especially from yourself.

Please don't give up on yourself just because life and people haven't been particularly kind to you lately. You haven't missed your chance at finding meaningful friendships, being loved properly or becoming someone you're happy to be. There is still so much of life you haven't experienced, so many people you haven't met and so many moments that could make staying worthwhile.

And if nothing else, I hope you know that you don't need to pretend to be okay around me. You don't need to put on a brave face, make jokes or convince me that everything is fine. You can talk, rant, be silent or simply exist. You don't have to be anything other than yourself. I might not have the perfect words to make everything better, but I can listen, and I would much rather hear about what is hurting you than have you suffer in silence.

You're not a loser. You're not a waste of space. You're not someone who should have to disappear just because they haven't found their place yet. Please give yourself the same compassion you keep wishing other people would give you. You deserve that much, and so much more.

I hope this really makes you feel better love.💖🌸✨