i wish i could take a long nap, for months, like a coma, a break from life, weed and alcohol were doing that, but i cant do that any longer. Useless advice doesnt help, my life will fall apart, I wish there was an escape, its too much being here. i wish i could give up again, ive been 2 weeks sober, and 1 day for something else and i feel like shit. I wish i had friends, i wish i had a lover, but im so insecure, i wish people didnt care so much about looks, i wish i wasnt bullied and hit in the past, my soul is so sad. i really hope this ends, i hope my reality just changes, because i dont think i can change it.

Question

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

So,I don't know where to start but there are huge stuff going on in my mind..ok,lemme start with my friendship status..I had lots of friends but not that much close.im 19 year girl ok!in my 11th grade I came seperately from the friends with whom I travelled since my childhood and chose another course but they all chose another course of exact opposite of mine..I was left alone,few felt sorry for me but after few months those friends got along and completely left me alone..then I got new bond at my 11th grade and got close at 12th grade.. everything was fine until the most trusted on felt uncomfortable to be with me as a friend..I just figured it out at my college.my college life has a seperate story..My parents put me in some other college and my best friend whom I "trusted" blindly was joint in another college because she couldn't afford at my college..i stayed nearly 4 months in my college and had hell,I couldn't bear living far away from my friend,so I decided to go to her college..so I changed the college and got admitted in her class with her..I was really happy at first..then after days passed I noticed that she started hiding things with me like she attached to a guy as friend but didn't said to me..but after few days she told that me and one guy were talking and he has a girlfriend,then I was like oh ok,that's fine to have a guy friend and it'll be very helpful.then she started meeting him secretly.from that point I decided to step back but I couldn't do right away.in my 2nd year of college I got a friend in our class and got attached,this made my trusted friend possessive.but still I made them both had a talk and everything was fine and we were formed as a gang..then a year passed and we had a summer break between 2nd year to 3rd year of ug degree..at that time they both got close and I was really happy.but my trusted friend got committed to another guy and didn't tell me or my new friend..so this is were I thought she is not comfortable with me and I decided to get out of that gang and I was ok with my new friend to be with my trusted friend and I came alone..then I went with other gang so they both can be freely survive without any guilt..now Im not completely attached with the new gang I was just gaslighting to make them feel that I'm ok without them..now I don't have anyone to talk