I was in tenth grade when I learned about diplomacy. I was fascinated by the concept of it. I told my parents that I wanna study humanities in 11th grade and wanna pursue international relations in my college degree. My mom was not a fan of this idea, me studying humanities because she had the idea that with humanities I cannot get a stable job. When I was small my mom and I used to play this game where she would list professions and I would say whether I wanted go into that profession. I was not aware of what actually went into that profession so I used to say I would become a doctor. My mom held onto what I said when I was back in fourth grade and was disappointed and sad that I didn't want to go down the medical path. I saw her crying over the fact and say things like, "Why did you give us hope if you did not want to do medical?" So, just to keep her heart I took up science and studied it for two years. I was terrible at it, got very decent marks in my 12th final exams. That same year sat for a medical entrance test and completely butchered it. I came out of the exam hall and said to my mom, "The exam didn't go well. The paper was difficult." To which my mom then said, "That's okay, take a gap year and study for it hard and get it next time." To which I agreed, I don't know why, I didn't have the guts to say something to her and just accepted and started preparing for the exam like they said, honestly speaking I never put my heart into the preparation for a year. I wouldn't say they didn't sacrifice a lot for me during the three years. They supported me and took care of all my tuitions and expenses but after and year, I still butchered the exam again. I couldn't give them the one thing they wanted. My dad took it to heart and he's sick now because of that, well at least that's what they tell me. My dad got diagnosed with chronic kidney diseases four years back, right around the time I was choosing the stream for my 11th class. He has diabetes for ten years and smoked a lot, which lead to this. For four years he was stable and the moment I butchered my exam again, he got seriously sick and now has to take weekly dialysis. So, after that exam, I got admitted into engineering, and I'm studying that now. Ever since that result came out and my dad got more sick of it, my mom stopped talking to me. She only talks to me, if necessary and so does my dad. I don't blame them. But I also don't understand, was it really all my fault? I just didn't want to study medical, but I didn't have the gut to tell them. Actually, I did, I did try telling them about how I want to do diplomacy, but every time the conversation ended up with me going back to preparing for the medical exam. For three years I studied subjects I didn't like, prepared for career exams I didn't want to do, and now I'm studying something I do not like. However, while researching about this course I came across something I really got intrigued about a specialization called stem cell and regenerative engineering. I finally found something I liked of a thing I thing hated. I decided I'm gonna advance towards that specialization and study accordingly. I also had a wish since I was small which remain constant was to study abroad. Therefore, I wanted to go into academia/research line and fulfil the only wish I had left of mine, to get something good out of something I don't like. Everything was going good in my mind until my father's doctor told us the damage was irreversible and the only option was to get a transplant. It costs a lot of money and time. So, I cancelled my plan of going into academia/research line. I can't leave them to fend for themselves after everything I did to them and ruined my relationship with them. There is an exam for getting into bureaucracy diplomat, which was my plan all along if I had gotten humanities and studied like I wanted to, but I didn't. But, this exam can be taken by anyone from any stream with graduate level of knowledge. I decided to complete my engineering and prepare hard for this exam and get into diplomacy like I always wanted to. I let go of my dream of study abroad, have to sacrifice something, right? Today, while I was in college one of my teacher brought up the topic of study abroad and rekindled my wishes. Now, I'm torn between what I want to do. I'm just in a very messed up place to consult someone and I really don't know how and what I'm gonna do.

Question

I was in tenth grade when I learned about diplomacy. I was fascinated by the concept of it. I told my parents that I wanna study humanities in 11th grade and wanna pursue international relations in my college degree. My mom was not a fan of this idea, me studying humanities because she had the idea that with humanities I cannot get a stable job. When I was small my mom and I used to play this game where she would list professions and I would say whether I wanted go into that profession. I was not aware of what actually went into that profession so I used to say I would become a doctor. My mom held onto what I said when I was back in fourth grade and was disappointed and sad that I didn't want to go down the medical path. I saw her crying over the fact and say things like, "Why did you give us hope if you did not want to do medical?" So, just to keep her heart I took up science and studied it for two years. I was terrible at it, got very decent marks in my 12th final exams. That same year sat for a medical entrance test and completely butchered it. I came out of the exam hall and said to my mom, "The exam didn't go well. The paper was difficult." To which my mom then said, "That's okay, take a gap year and study for it hard and get it next time." To which I agreed, I don't know why, I didn't have the guts to say something to her and just accepted and started preparing for the exam like they said, honestly speaking I never put my heart into the preparation for a year. I  wouldn't say they didn't sacrifice a lot for me during the three years. They supported me and took care of all my tuitions and expenses but after and year, I still butchered the exam again. I couldn't give them the one thing they wanted. My dad took it to heart and he's sick now because of that, well at least that's what they tell me. My dad got diagnosed with chronic kidney diseases four years back, right around the time I was choosing the stream for my 11th class. He has diabetes for ten years and smoked a lot, which lead to this. For four years he was stable and the moment I butchered my exam again, he got seriously sick and now has to take weekly dialysis. So, after that exam, I got admitted into engineering, and I'm studying that now. Ever since that result came out and my dad got more sick of it, my mom stopped talking to me. She only talks to me, if necessary and so does my dad. I don't blame them. But I also don't understand, was it really all my fault? I just didn't want to study medical, but I didn't have the gut to tell them. Actually, I did, I did try telling them about how I want to do diplomacy, but every time the conversation ended up with me going back to preparing for the medical exam.  For three years I studied subjects I didn't like, prepared for career exams I didn't want to do, and now I'm studying something I do not like. However, while researching about this course I came across something I really got intrigued about a specialization called stem cell and regenerative engineering. I finally found something I liked of a thing I thing hated. I decided I'm gonna advance towards that specialization and study accordingly. I also had a wish since I was small which remain constant was to study abroad. Therefore, I wanted to go into academia/research line and fulfil the only wish I had left of mine, to get something good out of something I don't like. Everything was going good in my mind until my father's doctor told us the damage was irreversible and the only option was to get a transplant. It costs a lot of money and time. So, I cancelled my plan of going into academia/research line. I can't leave them to fend for themselves after everything I did to them and ruined my relationship with them. There is an exam for getting into bureaucracy diplomat, which was my plan all along if I had gotten humanities and studied like I wanted to, but I didn't. But, this exam can be taken by anyone from any stream with graduate level of knowledge. I decided to complete my engineering and prepare hard for this exam and get into diplomacy like I always wanted to. I let go of my dream of study abroad, have to sacrifice something, right? Today, while I was in college one of my teacher brought up the topic of study abroad and rekindled my wishes. Now, I'm torn between what I want to do. I'm just in a very messed up place to consult someone and I really don't know how and what I'm gonna do.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

In my opinion its very much imp for your interests to be aligned with your profession to achieve great heights

What u described it seems as if u never really got a chance to voice out or to be thoroughly stern about your life choices

Your Dad's condition might have affected u
Find a calm time to softly tell your parents about what u wanna do in a hearfelt convo

They will understand
And do remembet 
Its your life
You have to earn each opportunity

Best of luck!