“I want to explain what I've been carrying, because from the outside it might look like I'm just struggling with studies or being too quiet, but it's so much more than that. I used to be someone who genuinely enjoyed learning, believed in my abilities and could do well without constantly pushing myself to the edge. Things began changing after I entered a coaching environment where I struggled to fit in, felt lonely, couldn't keep up with the pace and often felt that my doubts didn't matter. I eventually changed paths, and although I initially did well, the pressure, expectations and constant tests slowly started affecting my confidence. Somewhere along the way, I began feeling disconnected from the person I used to be. I lost friendships, felt increasingly alone, and then lost someone who had been part of my everyday life for nearly three years. It wasn't just losing a relationship; it was losing the comfort of having someone to talk to, someone who knew my little details, and someone who made me feel loved and remembered. At the same time, JEE, coaching, expectations about my future and the fear of falling behind kept piling up. I've spent so much time overthinking things I've said, things I haven't said, decisions I've made, people I've lost and the person I might have become if things had gone differently. I've tried to act normal, keep going and convince myself that I can fix everything, but inside I've often felt exhausted, frustrated, lonely and lost. There have been times when the pain has become so heavy that I've struggled with thoughts about not wanting to be alive. I don't expect anyone to solve my life or understand every little thing immediately. I just want someone to understand that this isn't laziness, a lack of ambition or one bad phase. I've been trying to hold together several parts of my life that have been falling apart, while quietly missing the person I used to be. I still want a future, I still have dreams, and I still have love to give; I just don't know how to find my way back to myself yet. and exam is 70 days away (jee) my life depends on itttt what do i dooooo? i also dont have the will to ive tooooo😭😭”
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Someone answered with kindness...Thanked by the asker
I get it. Believe me I understand you. I was you like 5 to 6 years ago. I loved learning and after entering the coaching environment I felt like the most dumbest person in the world. I kept seeing ppl get ahead of me and I felt like a complete failure. And all these days it will be hard. But then for your sake, put in a little effort. Just so that you don't feel like you didn't try hard enough in the future.. once you get into a college, there will be much more things you will get to experience. Honestly I hate the fact that there are so many of us who felt this way and yet this is still how we r evaluated for college admissions. I'm sorry that you feel so dejected. But just know that what you feel right now doesn't make you any less important or make you look lazy. It's how much mental toll this takes on us. You have a lot of time forward where you can experience things. You said you still have dreams. You can always work towards it. You may not feel like it now but there will be a time when you will be able to work for it. You just need to get through this time right now. Stay strong. I know it's difficult. I barely survived.. I felt the same way you did... it'll be okay.. hope you will be able to give your best for your exams!