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To be honest, what I think is that you are subconsciously closing yourself from your own true self. I would suggest trying things which you loved doing in your childhood, no matter how nonsenical it feels as a grown up. Bring those old memories back to life. Do stupid things which made you laugh as a child. Hop around the house searching for that one small bouncy ball which broke your cup or ring a neighbour's bell and run away or create a huge paper cup pyramid right behind the door and record them falling humourously into it as the walk through the door.
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