I stuggle with faith, i have been raised structly athiest, never had religion forced on me. But in a time of moral bankruptcy, i feel a bit lost with everything. Life is good, i have a good job, i never go hungry, i have a loving girlfriend and my work is fulfilling, i should be comfertable, but something feels missing, and the draw to faith, christianity specifically, feels strong, but how can i believe in something that by every metric i believe in, cannot exsist, the moral questions alone give me enough reason not to believe in a god. So what next? Thank you for reading this, i hope however reads this is doing well.

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Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

I was in a very similar situation sometime ago. I was raised a Catholic but I quickly turned towards being atheist, although the spirituality in me never really died down.

Then, I found some buddhist teachings through my interest in meditation. Zen Buddhism in particular. The Dharma, or teachigs of the Buddha are a particular religion because, even if they require, like most other religions, a "leap of faith", and have many written down doctrines, the Buddhist religion has a very explicit element: PRACTICE.

Meditation. It is something that is also present in catholic doctrine but is not as discussed nowadays. The act of praying is meditation. The rosary is meditation.

Zen Buddhism felt much more closer to the spirituality I seeked than the "blind faith" that christinaity required of me. The Buddha say: don't trust a word I said. Do the practice, and see what happens. He was not a godly being, and believed that anyone had the potential to realize their full self.

In a weird manner, understanding more of the buddhist teachings brought me closer to my catholic christian culture to begin with. I understood how little I actually knew of my religion. Unfrotunately, Christianity has undergone a strong secularization, and to become an "administrative empire" they had to let go of the Mystic part of christianity, the actual spiritual part of it.

From this, many of their teachings got fumbled and lost meaning. They became "logic", but logic has nothing to do with your spirituality.

An example I often use: You Shall Not Take the Lord’s Name in Vain. One of the ten commandments. Nowadays understood and explained usually like this: "you may not say the lord's name for fear of blasphemy. Only  use His name with reverence and awe. He deserves our highest worship."

This is a wrong interpretation. If you go look for actual Mystic discourse on the commandments (like from Tommaso d'Aquino or Francesco D'Assisi, or Giovanni della Croce, Ignazio di Loyola...) the point of this commandment is that the spoken word cannot possibily explain the divine that is god. Tryin to explain what god or the divine is is a futile experiment. The point here is that speaking and verbal communication is, as the buddhist call it, "an imperfect tool" (pardon my literal translations).

Also, if you start to really delve into this spirituality thing, you will find that all religions seem to share the same realizations. In islam teachings they have the "99 adjectives of God". Why 99? Because the final 100th is only known by the divine, and cannot be expressed in words.

So to answer your question, I would suggest for you that curiosity is next! Spirituality is a journey, and only you will know what the "right fit" is for you. For me, buddhism gave me a grounded and practical way to enact my spirituality. This does not mean it is "the right way", nor is it the only way. I envy those that can have a strong faith by itself, it is a skill I may never achieve.

If I may suggest a book "Mystical Theology, The science of love" by William Johnston may be a good starting point.

Much love!