I struggle alot with academics and not for the reason one might think. I am actually quite smart ,like for example, I once just studied for an exam for like 2 hours and got 50% which was more than most of my classmates who studied everyday. My problem with studying isn't that I lack intelligence or don't have good resources or support to study. I have everything I can possibly think of. Extremely supportive parents, older brother, great teachers, all the books or stuff I need, a good peaceful home where I can comfortably sit and study but it's just that I can't bring myself to study. Like just the thought of studying is repulsive to me. I do productive procrastination instead of studying. I start cleaning my room or doing other chores just to avoid it. I keep sleeping alot too. Like it's like... sleeping has become some kind of a hobby of mine. All I ever do is sleep or waste my time doing random shit. It feels like I am paralysed no matter how many "lock in" or "change your life" videos I watch or advice I take I just can't do it. And I don't even have any health problems. I was deficit in Vitamins and stuff so I took meds and all so I am fine now. Even got a full body check up. Nothing is wrong. It's my mind. I genuinely have no idea what is stopping me from studying.
When I finally start studying I can't focus at all. But I also don't have ADHD I got tested and I don't have it. Cuz I can focus on other things and stuff and stay calm. It's not like I hate studying, I actually enjoy it but for some reason I cannot be consistent with it. And now I have a huge backlog and my 12th board exams in 2 months. I am aware that if I don't perform well in this exam then I am done for. I won't get into a good college and won't be able to achieve my goals in life and yet that determination which others seem to have, I can't get it. I want to be determined and focused but I just can't. I am just stuck at this point. I have no idea what to do.

Question

I struggle alot with academics and not for the reason one might think. I am actually quite smart  ,like for example, I once just studied for an exam for like 2 hours and got 50% which was more than most of my classmates who studied everyday. My problem with studying isn't that I lack intelligence or don't have good resources or support to study. I have everything I can possibly  think of. Extremely supportive parents, older brother, great teachers, all the books or stuff I need, a good peaceful home where I can comfortably sit and study but it's just that I can't bring myself to study. Like just the thought of studying is repulsive to me. I do productive procrastination instead of studying. I start cleaning my room or doing other chores just to avoid it. I keep sleeping alot too. Like it's like... sleeping has become some kind of a hobby of mine. All I ever do is sleep or waste my time doing random shit. It feels like I am paralysed no matter how many "lock in" or "change your life" videos I watch or advice I take I just can't do it. And I don't even have any health problems. I was deficit in Vitamins and stuff so I took meds and all so I am fine now. Even got a full body check up. Nothing is wrong. It's my mind. I genuinely have no idea what is stopping me from studying.
When I finally start studying I can't focus at all. But I also don't have ADHD I got tested and I don't have it. Cuz I can focus on other things and stuff and stay calm. It's not like I hate studying, I actually enjoy it but for some reason I cannot be consistent with it. And now I have a huge backlog and my 12th board exams in 2 months. I am aware that if I don't perform well in this exam then I am done for. I won't get into a good college and won't be able to achieve my goals in life and yet that determination which others seem to have, I can't get it. I want to be determined and focused but I just can't. I am just stuck at this point. I have no idea what to do.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

I see myself in you.....I am going thru the exact same thing right now, and I am in 11th...going to enter 12th soon...i have a quick question, is your home secure enough, stable enough? Are your parents emotionally mature? Do they fight a lot or used to fight a lot? Are you walking on eggshells constantly in your own home?Do your parents dump their emotional baggage on you?  Because that's what I'm going thru rn...