# I need an outside perspective on this situation

I'm writing everything in chronological order because I'm genuinely confused about what happened. I want an honest perspective, not just reassurance that he still has feelings for me. I want to understand his behaviour and whether I'm reading too much into certain things.

I'm in my second year of college, and we're in the same department. I wasn't particularly regular at college, so I didn't know him personally initially. However, I had noticed him around. He had a reputation for being one of the best-looking and best-behaved guys in our department. People generally described him as reserved, polite, disciplined and religious.

Before we ever spoke, I noticed him looking at me quite often. I also heard that he had asked his friend about me. I had already developed a crush on him before anything actually happened between us.

Eventually, he approached me, and we started talking. Things gradually became flirtatious, and the interest seemed mutual. He would compliment me spontaneously, tell me that he enjoyed talking to me and remember little things I said. He also shared personal things with me. I got the impression that he was opening up to me in a way he normally didn't with other people.

One of the reasons I became so interested was how similar we seemed. Neither of us was particularly regular at college, both of us were quite reserved, and we had other priorities. We were also preparing for the same competitive examination. Our ambitions, expectations and general outlook seemed very compatible.

As we started talking more, I noticed that he behaved differently around me in college. He would get nervous or act awkward. When I asked him about it, he admitted that seeing me made him nervous. He also repeatedly said that I distracted him and made it difficult for him to concentrate.

He had told me that he was celibate, had never had a girlfriend and was very focused on his goals and religious beliefs. That made the situation even more confusing because he was behaving in ways that seemed quite different from the person he described himself as.

Our conversations became increasingly personal. We discussed relationships, marriage, family expectations, caste compatibility, ambitions and what our futures might look like. He even mentioned the possibility of a future together if I didn't move to Germany.

We also discussed kissing and physical intimacy. It wasn't just casual flirting anymore; some of our conversations made it seem as though we were considering what could happen between us.

But there was always a contradiction. He would express interest and then suddenly start talking about how I deserved better, how he wasn't good enough or how I couldn't trust him. He sometimes said he didn't want to lose me, but also didn't want to develop feelings at that point in his life.

### Before October 7 — The birthday conversation

Before Freshers, which was also his birthday, we had a conversation about kissing. We joked about kissing on his birthday and how that would be his birthday gift.

Around this time, he also made comments about how nervous I made him. He said he would never dress up or groom himself according to my preferences and that he would run away if he saw me. He even called me scary and said that I made him nervous.

I eventually asked him whether he hated me that much. He said no. Instead, he said that he had something against himself, that everything was on him, that I was too good and deserved better, and that I shouldn't ruin my calibre.

I found this confusing because he wasn't saying that I had done something wrong. He repeatedly made it sound as though the problem was with him.

### October 7 — Freshers and his birthday

October 7 was both Freshers and his birthday, which is why I wished him and spoke to him.

What I found strange was that, despite previously saying he would never groom himself according to my preferences, he appeared to have made an effort with his appearance around the event. He had gotten a haircut, groomed himself and styled his hair almost exactly how I had told him I liked him just a day or two earlier.

He didn't look like someone who had hurriedly got ready. He seemed quite prepared.

However, he refused to come to Freshers. Despite not attending, I noticed him looking whenever I came around.

I couldn't understand why someone would seem so prepared but then refuse to attend, while still appearing to watch when I was nearby. I don't know whether he had initially intended to come and changed his mind or whether there was another reason.

### October 1 — The conversation about distancing himself

On October 1, we had a conversation in which he explained why he wanted distance.

He said that if we continued talking, we would gradually start thinking about each other more, meeting more often, having more conversations and becoming increasingly distracted. He also brought up the possibility of things eventually becoming physical.

He said:

- "I can't, I'm sorry."
- "I know."
- "But that's what happens."
- "I won't be able to maintain it."
- "You can't trust me."
- "You're like cocaine."
- "If I try you once, then..."
- "Stay away from me."
- "Everything or nothing."

When I asked him what he actually wanted, he said, "Nothing."

This conversation has stayed with me because it sounded as though he anticipated becoming more attached if we continued, but didn't want that to happen.

### October 10 — "Just don't talk to me"

On October 10, at around 6:28–6:29 PM, he messaged me saying:

"Just don't talk to me."

By this point, his behaviour had shifted from being interested and flirtatious to actively asking me not to contact him.

### He blocked me, and then we had a three-hour phone call

At some point after this, he blocked me everywhere: Instagram, WhatsApp and calls.

I eventually contacted him through a friend and conveyed a message confronting him about the situation. After that, he unblocked me, and we ended up speaking on the phone for approximately three hours.

That call was significant because he finally acknowledged that he hadn't been completely uninvolved in what had happened between us. He said he wouldn't claim that he had played no part in it, even though he had been trying to run away from the situation.

He explained that gossip, what other people were saying, his friends, his responsibilities and the effect the situation was having on both of us had contributed to his decision to stop talking. He also said that he would handle the comments people were making.

He brought up our earlier conversation about kissing and questioned what I had actually meant by it. He asked whether I would have said yes and whether I would have agreed to things going further.

He also admitted that his feelings had got out of hand, but said he had a lot to do and couldn't afford to get caught up in everything. At one point, he asked whether saying that he wasn't interested in me would make me go away. He also tried to minimise what had happened by referring to it as hormones.

One thing that stood out to me was that he said he wouldn't have reacted the same way if it had been someone else.

I found the call confusing because, for three hours, we were discussing things that he had previously avoided acknowledging. He accepted that he had been involved, spoke about his feelings and explained some of the pressure he felt, but he still didn't offer a clear direction for what he wanted between us.

I thought the conversation might finally bring some clarity, but it didn't really lead to anything stable.

### The fight — The final breakdown

Things eventually escalated into an actual fight between us.

The argument started because he was spending time with a particular group of girls, despite having previously promised me that he wouldn't. I had also heard that several girls had been criticising him and that he had apparently called me a liar.

I confronted him about it, and the conversation became heated. He questioned why I was acting as though everything had been one-sided and told me that my anger was controlling me.

At one point, he said that he respected me and that was why he was allowing me to speak to him that day. He also made a threatening remark about how he would have reacted if the person confronting him had been a guy.

During the argument, he also said that it was his friend who had picked him up from his house forcibly and made him come. According to him, he hadn't necessarily gone along willingly; his friend had practically made him come.

That detail confused me because it raised questions about how much of his involvement had actually been his own decision.

The fight ended badly. This time, he blocked me and I blocked him too.

**Since that fight, neither of us has unblocked the other.** We haven't spoken or made any attempt to contact each other. This is different from the earlier blocking, when he eventually unblocked me and we had the three-hour phone call.

### What happened afterwards at college

Despite having no contact, we still occasionally see each other at college.

I don't deliberately avoid him. I don't change my routine or try to stay away from places where he might be. I can see him and carry on with whatever I'm doing.

He, however, sometimes seems to react differently when I'm around. There have been occasions when he appeared to notice me, looked in my direction and then left or acted as though he hadn't seen me.

I have also noticed him looking at me when he thinks I'm not paying attention.

### Yesterday — Our most recent encounter

I saw him again yesterday. I noticed him looking at me, but when he realised I was nearby, he disappeared somewhere and acted as though he hadn't seen me.

This isn't the first time I've noticed something like this. I don't approach him or try to get his attention, so I don't understand why our encounters still seem so awkward.

I don't know whether this is discomfort, awkwardness, unresolved feelings or simply not knowing how to behave after everything that happened.

### Where I stand now

I genuinely thought we were compatible. We seemed to have similar ambitions, values, expectations and ideas about the future. I was attracted to him, and I thought there was potential for something meaningful if we had both been ready for it.

But I'm also becoming increasingly detached. I can see him at college without feeling the need to react or do anything. I have no intention of approaching him again or trying to restart the conversation.

With farewell approaching, I sometimes wonder whether he'll ever acknowledge what happened or make an effort to resolve the awkwardness. But I'm not going to initiate anything.

What I can't understand is the contradiction between his words and actions.

He approached me, showed interest, flirted, opened up, discussed a possible future and participated in conversations about becoming closer. Then he repeatedly said I distracted him, that he couldn't handle the situation, that I deserved better and that he needed to stay away.

He even said that the problem was with himself, not me. Later, during the phone call, he acknowledged that he had been involved and that his feelings had got out of hand, but still didn't give me a clear answer.

Then came the fight, after which he blocked me and I blocked him. We haven't spoken since.

I don't know whether he genuinely liked me but was unwilling to pursue anything, whether he became overwhelmed by the situation, whether outside opinions affected him, or whether I misunderstood the seriousness of his interest.

### What I would really like advice on

1. Does his behaviour suggest genuine interest that he was unwilling to act on, or could I have mistaken his flirting for something more serious?
2. Why would someone initiate and encourage a connection and then repeatedly withdraw from it?
3. What do you make of his comments about being the problem, me deserving better and him not being able to trust himself?
4. Why might he have prepared himself for Freshers but refused to attend, especially after our birthday conversation?
5. What do you make of the things he admitted during our three-hour phone call?
6. Why would he acknowledge that his feelings had got out of hand but still avoid making a clear decision?
7. What do you make of his explanation that his friend forcibly picked him up from his house?
8. Why does he sometimes look at me but then seem to disappear or pretend not to notice me?
9. Do you think this is unresolved awkwardness, or is there any reason to think he still has feelings?
10. Most importantly, should I consider this completely over unless he makes a clear and consistent effort himself?

I would appreciate an honest opinion, even if it isn't what I want to hear. I don't want to build an entire story around a few looks or assume that he secretly feels something. I just want to make sense of what actually happened.

Question

# I need an outside perspective on this situation

I'm writing everything in chronological order because I'm genuinely confused about what happened. I want an honest perspective, not just reassurance that he still has feelings for me. I want to understand his behaviour and whether I'm reading too much into certain things.

I'm in my second year of college, and we're in the same department. I wasn't particularly regular at college, so I didn't know him personally initially. However, I had noticed him around. He had a reputation for being one of the best-looking and best-behaved guys in our department. People generally described him as reserved, polite, disciplined and religious.

Before we ever spoke, I noticed him looking at me quite often. I also heard that he had asked his friend about me. I had already developed a crush on him before anything actually happened between us.

Eventually, he approached me, and we started talking. Things gradually became flirtatious, and the interest seemed mutual. He would compliment me spontaneously, tell me that he enjoyed talking to me and remember little things I said. He also shared personal things with me. I got the impression that he was opening up to me in a way he normally didn't with other people.

One of the reasons I became so interested was how similar we seemed. Neither of us was particularly regular at college, both of us were quite reserved, and we had other priorities. We were also preparing for the same competitive examination. Our ambitions, expectations and general outlook seemed very compatible.

As we started talking more, I noticed that he behaved differently around me in college. He would get nervous or act awkward. When I asked him about it, he admitted that seeing me made him nervous. He also repeatedly said that I distracted him and made it difficult for him to concentrate.

He had told me that he was celibate, had never had a girlfriend and was very focused on his goals and religious beliefs. That made the situation even more confusing because he was behaving in ways that seemed quite different from the person he described himself as.

Our conversations became increasingly personal. We discussed relationships, marriage, family expectations, caste compatibility, ambitions and what our futures might look like. He even mentioned the possibility of a future together if I didn't move to Germany.

We also discussed kissing and physical intimacy. It wasn't just casual flirting anymore; some of our conversations made it seem as though we were considering what could happen between us.

But there was always a contradiction. He would express interest and then suddenly start talking about how I deserved better, how he wasn't good enough or how I couldn't trust him. He sometimes said he didn't want to lose me, but also didn't want to develop feelings at that point in his life.

### Before October 7 — The birthday conversation

Before Freshers, which was also his birthday, we had a conversation about kissing. We joked about kissing on his birthday and how that would be his birthday gift.

Around this time, he also made comments about how nervous I made him. He said he would never dress up or groom himself according to my preferences and that he would run away if he saw me. He even called me scary and said that I made him nervous.

I eventually asked him whether he hated me that much. He said no. Instead, he said that he had something against himself, that everything was on him, that I was too good and deserved better, and that I shouldn't ruin my calibre.

I found this confusing because he wasn't saying that I had done something wrong. He repeatedly made it sound as though the problem was with him.

### October 7 — Freshers and his birthday

October 7 was both Freshers and his birthday, which is why I wished him and spoke to him.

What I found strange was that, despite previously saying he would never groom himself according to my preferences, he appeared to have made an effort with his appearance around the event. He had gotten a haircut, groomed himself and styled his hair almost exactly how I had told him I liked him just a day or two earlier.

He didn't look like someone who had hurriedly got ready. He seemed quite prepared.

However, he refused to come to Freshers. Despite not attending, I noticed him looking whenever I came around.

I couldn't understand why someone would seem so prepared but then refuse to attend, while still appearing to watch when I was nearby. I don't know whether he had initially intended to come and changed his mind or whether there was another reason.

### October 1 — The conversation about distancing himself

On October 1, we had a conversation in which he explained why he wanted distance.

He said that if we continued talking, we would gradually start thinking about each other more, meeting more often, having more conversations and becoming increasingly distracted. He also brought up the possibility of things eventually becoming physical.

He said:

- "I can't, I'm sorry."
- "I know."
- "But that's what happens."
- "I won't be able to maintain it."
- "You can't trust me."
- "You're like cocaine."
- "If I try you once, then..."
- "Stay away from me."
- "Everything or nothing."

When I asked him what he actually wanted, he said, "Nothing."

This conversation has stayed with me because it sounded as though he anticipated becoming more attached if we continued, but didn't want that to happen.

### October 10 — "Just don't talk to me"

On October 10, at around 6:28–6:29 PM, he messaged me saying:

"Just don't talk to me."

By this point, his behaviour had shifted from being interested and flirtatious to actively asking me not to contact him.

### He blocked me, and then we had a three-hour phone call

At some point after this, he blocked me everywhere: Instagram, WhatsApp and calls.

I eventually contacted him through a friend and conveyed a message confronting him about the situation. After that, he unblocked me, and we ended up speaking on the phone for approximately three hours.

That call was significant because he finally acknowledged that he hadn't been completely uninvolved in what had happened between us. He said he wouldn't claim that he had played no part in it, even though he had been trying to run away from the situation.

He explained that gossip, what other people were saying, his friends, his responsibilities and the effect the situation was having on both of us had contributed to his decision to stop talking. He also said that he would handle the comments people were making.

He brought up our earlier conversation about kissing and questioned what I had actually meant by it. He asked whether I would have said yes and whether I would have agreed to things going further.

He also admitted that his feelings had got out of hand, but said he had a lot to do and couldn't afford to get caught up in everything. At one point, he asked whether saying that he wasn't interested in me would make me go away. He also tried to minimise what had happened by referring to it as hormones.

One thing that stood out to me was that he said he wouldn't have reacted the same way if it had been someone else.

I found the call confusing because, for three hours, we were discussing things that he had previously avoided acknowledging. He accepted that he had been involved, spoke about his feelings and explained some of the pressure he felt, but he still didn't offer a clear direction for what he wanted between us.

I thought the conversation might finally bring some clarity, but it didn't really lead to anything stable.

### The fight — The final breakdown

Things eventually escalated into an actual fight between us.

The argument started because he was spending time with a particular group of girls, despite having previously promised me that he wouldn't. I had also heard that several girls had been criticising him and that he had apparently called me a liar.

I confronted him about it, and the conversation became heated. He questioned why I was acting as though everything had been one-sided and told me that my anger was controlling me.

At one point, he said that he respected me and that was why he was allowing me to speak to him that day. He also made a threatening remark about how he would have reacted if the person confronting him had been a guy.

During the argument, he also said that it was his friend who had picked him up from his house forcibly and made him come. According to him, he hadn't necessarily gone along willingly; his friend had practically made him come.

That detail confused me because it raised questions about how much of his involvement had actually been his own decision.

The fight ended badly. This time, he blocked me and I blocked him too.

**Since that fight, neither of us has unblocked the other.** We haven't spoken or made any attempt to contact each other. This is different from the earlier blocking, when he eventually unblocked me and we had the three-hour phone call.

### What happened afterwards at college

Despite having no contact, we still occasionally see each other at college.

I don't deliberately avoid him. I don't change my routine or try to stay away from places where he might be. I can see him and carry on with whatever I'm doing.

He, however, sometimes seems to react differently when I'm around. There have been occasions when he appeared to notice me, looked in my direction and then left or acted as though he hadn't seen me.

I have also noticed him looking at me when he thinks I'm not paying attention.

### Yesterday — Our most recent encounter

I saw him again yesterday. I noticed him looking at me, but when he realised I was nearby, he disappeared somewhere and acted as though he hadn't seen me.

This isn't the first time I've noticed something like this. I don't approach him or try to get his attention, so I don't understand why our encounters still seem so awkward.

I don't know whether this is discomfort, awkwardness, unresolved feelings or simply not knowing how to behave after everything that happened.

### Where I stand now

I genuinely thought we were compatible. We seemed to have similar ambitions, values, expectations and ideas about the future. I was attracted to him, and I thought there was potential for something meaningful if we had both been ready for it.

But I'm also becoming increasingly detached. I can see him at college without feeling the need to react or do anything. I have no intention of approaching him again or trying to restart the conversation.

With farewell approaching, I sometimes wonder whether he'll ever acknowledge what happened or make an effort to resolve the awkwardness. But I'm not going to initiate anything.

What I can't understand is the contradiction between his words and actions.

He approached me, showed interest, flirted, opened up, discussed a possible future and participated in conversations about becoming closer. Then he repeatedly said I distracted him, that he couldn't handle the situation, that I deserved better and that he needed to stay away.

He even said that the problem was with himself, not me. Later, during the phone call, he acknowledged that he had been involved and that his feelings had got out of hand, but still didn't give me a clear answer.

Then came the fight, after which he blocked me and I blocked him. We haven't spoken since.

I don't know whether he genuinely liked me but was unwilling to pursue anything, whether he became overwhelmed by the situation, whether outside opinions affected him, or whether I misunderstood the seriousness of his interest.

### What I would really like advice on

1. Does his behaviour suggest genuine interest that he was unwilling to act on, or could I have mistaken his flirting for something more serious?
2. Why would someone initiate and encourage a connection and then repeatedly withdraw from it?
3. What do you make of his comments about being the problem, me deserving better and him not being able to trust himself?
4. Why might he have prepared himself for Freshers but refused to attend, especially after our birthday conversation?
5. What do you make of the things he admitted during our three-hour phone call?
6. Why would he acknowledge that his feelings had got out of hand but still avoid making a clear decision?
7. What do you make of his explanation that his friend forcibly picked him up from his house?
8. Why does he sometimes look at me but then seem to disappear or pretend not to notice me?
9. Do you think this is unresolved awkwardness, or is there any reason to think he still has feelings?
10. Most importantly, should I consider this completely over unless he makes a clear and consistent effort himself?

I would appreciate an honest opinion, even if it isn't what I want to hear. I don't want to build an entire story around a few looks or assume that he secretly feels something. I just want to make sense of what actually happened.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

Listen bro what i would suggest u is that
If someone's word are not matching their actions 
Is not the one
And he is not even making a lil effort to tell u what's happening and what's wrong 
He would if he felt u r the one