I just got broken up today and got rejected from a job I desperately worked hard for. I've been seeing him for the past 5 months and i really thought this would workout. But i felt like I was being blamed for every conflict that came up. And i was not soothed emotionally whenever i brought something up that bothered me about him, he'd always reverse it and ask ok you're saying I didn't do that for you but you never did that for me. And somehow the clame falls on me and I reach out to him after every fight because apparently he doesn't like chasing and I am the one who creates a fight. We do have good times with each other but the conflicts are the worst. This time I chose not to reach back after he put the blame on me for something really trivial. It's hurting me a lot to do that because I'm left with no answers or closure. And I am missing him deeply. On the other hand I just got rejected for a job I worked really hard for and I performed really well too. This was the only chance to do something I really liked. But that's gone too. I don't know what to feel about all of this

Question

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

What You Are Experiencing

• Emotional Exhaustion and Gaslighting/Deflection: The dynamic you described with your partner—where every time you raise a concern, it gets flipped onto you ("you never did that for me") and you are left chasing closure or apologizing after conflicts—is emotionally draining. Choosing not to chase him this time feels painful because your nervous system is used to the cycle, not because you did something wrong.
• Grief over Lack of Closure: When someone refuses accountability or leaves you with "no answers," your brain struggles to find a clean ending. You are mourning not just who he was, but the potential you hoped the relationship would have.
• A Double Blow to Your Self-Esteem: Getting rejected from a job you worked hard for and performed well in feels like a massive punch to your competence and future stability, compounding the rejection you feel in your personal life.

Gentle Steps Forward

• Let yourself feel it without rushing to "fix" it: You don't have to figure out how to feel right now. It is okay to be sad, angry, or numb. Experiencing grief and rejection simultaneously is a heavy load.
• Resist the urge to reach out for closure: True closure rarely comes from the person who hurt or confused you. It comes from accepting that their behavior was about their limitations, not your worth.
• Be gentle with your job search: A rejection—even after a great performance—often comes down to internal company factors, timing, or metrics that had nothing to do with your actual talent. Give yourself a few days to rest before looking at applications again.
• Lean on safe spaces: Talk to a trusted friend, a family member, or a counselor who can remind you of your reality and value when your confidence has taken a hit.
    
stay strong