I honestly don't know how to put this properly but... Lately I've been low like suicide though and family drama and overthinking my past non existing love like and I constantly yearn for love and attention but... I don't want attention from jst any random ppl I only want attention from my loved ones and I can't ask attention to my family coz they have never understood me and always taunted me and gave me enough trauma that I kinda have a forget the good part of my life and as I'm 18 idk how to tell em and I'm confident enough that even if i do tell them they won't understand so.... How to I overcome this constant feeling of to be loved. Oh BTW I'm avoiding attachment like I push away ppl when they actually care abt me because I hate loosing them when I start to care abt them soo... I jst do push em off before things gets serious... Sooo... How to find the loml (love of my life) because I've already have enough loml (lesson of my life) 😭🥀

Question

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

firstly i really understand what you are going through and from the place you are coming. sending you big virtual hugs bcs i know u need it. 
now i want u to take this advice from someone who is avoidant herself so trust me i know wht i m saying!!! 1. i want you to increase your standards, dont just fall for anyone who you think is giving u attention or showing u affection bcs most of the time that's temporary. 2.know what u want from ur partner and from the relationship and donot settle for anything less than that. 3. once u think u have someone who has the potential and has the qualities work on urself. u need be aware of the fact that falling in live is a risky process and there is no other way. if u want a love thats genuine u have to take the risk so just pushing away that person cus u fear certain thing doesnot make it worth it. REMIND YOURSELF U WILL EITHER  BE HURT BY THE PERSON BY GIVING A CHANCE BUT U MAY ALSO END UP FINDING THE ONE OR YOU WOULD JUST BE THERE EXISTING WITHOUT ANY CHANCES OF FINDING LOVE, so u will be hurt both ways, hence rather choose the one which also has the probability of making u lucky. 4. Last one, never hurry . u have enough time. take ur time to heal and come to that point mentally and take ur time choosing the right one. 
hope it helps.