“I have been loving a guy from 3 years and in the 1st year we were in relationship for a short time as well. But after sometime he started losing interest and everytime i asked him about commitment and reassurance, he started saying - first let me a get a job, i donot have time to think about love and other things. When i feel worse and message paragraphs in his chat, he simply ignored them while being online the whole time. Then he started using me for doing tasks, filling up his online exam forms and others. I gradually started to realise that this love was only one sided and he never loved me. Now, i ignore him as much as possible and i tell him not o call me. But he still calls me for asking me to fill up his forms and helping him with study materials. I feel so worse, i have cried a lot for him and i regret for approaching him first. But still there is a part of mine which is still unable to move on from him. I am not able to delete his number, unfollow him on Instagram. Everytime he calls, u feel sad and i completely want to wipe out him from my life. So how do i do that? Also at some point, i even blame myself that maybe I am not a good, perfect girl because while talking to him, i showed frustration and anger on him.”
✦
Someone answered with kindness...
I’m really feelin bad you’ve been carrying this for three years. What you described doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong in asking for commitment, reassurance, and basic respect is normal in a relationship. Him avoiding those conversations, ignoring you while being online, and then using you for tasks is not okay.
Please don’t blame yourself for getting frustrated or angry. You were hurt, and your reactions came from feeling neglected and unimportant. That doesn’t make you a bad or imperfect girl.
Moving on doesn’t have to happen all at once. You don’t have to delete his number or unfollow him today if that feels impossible. Start smaller: with mute his calls and messages, stop replying to requests for forms or study help, and give yourself distance. Each time you don’t respond, you’re choosing yourself a little more.
You deserve someone who makes you feel secure, not someone you have to beg for attention. Be gentle with yourself is healing isn’t linear, and it’s okay that part of you still cares. That doesn’t mean you have to go back to someone who hurt you.