i have been in a relationship from April and I am the type of person who usually doesn't share about the things in my life that bother me to anyone. and once in April I was feeling heavy and i called him and all I got was critisism, it's the thing that i fear coming out of anyone . so that day was the last day I ever told him anything. i am very sensetive and i struggle alot alone. so months passed and these months it got worse every emotion was getting so heavy on me that I started feeling numb. i don't love my family ,I like them i don't like my home. i felt like home in my cousins house but being here doesn't change anything for me this time. i don't go to him because i never was able to after that. and i was so exhausted to be with him I just stayed as friends our relationship was getting a little complicated and we were getting far from each other it has just been days since we are Friends. i don't know what I'm going to go in the future. and i feel so insecure. i think something is wrong with me but if I ask for a therapist i think my parents aren't the type for me to open up infront of . all I do is suffering and struggle and all i get is more suffer and more struggle. i give my all and all i get is nothing . i feel heavy but I also feel like what can I do about it. i don't know . i care about i don't show it anymore. i don't enjoy life . i don't know when was the last time I smiled like i ment it without feeling heavy.

Question

i have been in a relationship from April and I am the type of person who usually doesn't share about the things in my life that bother me to anyone. and once in April I was feeling heavy and i called him and all I got was critisism, it's the thing that i fear coming out of anyone .  so that day was the last day I ever told him anything. i am very sensetive and i struggle alot alone. so months passed and these months it got worse every emotion was getting so heavy on me that I started feeling numb. i don't love my family ,I like them i don't like my home. i felt like home in my cousins house but being here doesn't change anything for me this time. i don't go to him because i never was able to after that. and i was so exhausted to be with him I just stayed as friends our relationship was getting a little complicated and we were getting far from each other  it has just been days since we are Friends.  i don't know what I'm going to go in the future. and i feel so insecure. i think something is wrong with me but if I ask for a therapist i think my parents aren't the type for me to open up infront of . all I do is suffering and struggle and all i get is more suffer and more struggle. i give my all and all i get is nothing . i feel heavy but I also feel like what can I do about it. i don't know . i care about i don't show it anymore. i don't enjoy life . i don't know when was the last time I smiled like i ment it without feeling heavy.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

u might feel this advice as weird or soo wrong or just running away from problems instead of finding solutions but believe me it might do wonders-

go on a trip(to a random place -not the famous spotlighted places, party (alone, With friends or even random strangers) drink , enjoy even sexually (yeah really, it will surely help you in bringing calmness/a diff perspective/new ideas in your otherwise negative/energy sucking/sad /overthinking life) 
but yeah u should do that with precautions and not get addicted