I have been having trouble getting into relationships. I usually get lots of proposals from guys but some I reject right away, some i get close with and finally reject or distance myself from them once they show me a single flaw. For example, I was gonna give a chance to the guy from my uni within this week. But he told me a lie. Not a big one. A small lie. And looking from his part, he just wanted to make me feel special. But that lie broke me. Because lying to my face for whatever the reason is traumatic to me.
I had an online relationship when I was 16. I got into it because I didnt know how to say no and I liked having that boy in my life. When I was slowly liking him and was opening up to him he told me that he has been keeping a dirty little secret of my bestfriend. They together kept something huge from me. The biggest heartbreak was when i reacted furiously to what they have kept from me. The guy said "This is why I didnt tell you. we knew you'd react this way. Please dont yell at your friend now. " He litreally took her side. The one who did something shamless. I had a mental breakdown. I acted like a zombie for days. I didnt cut ties with them. But I became a different person. I started being so rude to them that slowly they drifted away from my life. But the guy asked for forgiveness for years. Although I loved him I never wnated him in my life as a boyfriend. I have finally learned to say no.
So the present story is this current guy also lied. It isnt as grave as the earlier one. But I'm so hurt. And I feel like everything I built slowly to open up has gone back to square one. I need to forgive but can I? Should I? I have never had a real relationship. And this guy seemed like a green flag. He loves his mother and sister. And he expresses his love a lot too. He got me gifts for my birthday and he is the first guy I trusted enough to go on a bike with and also to get upto my doorstep. I even invited to his birthday. But I feel like everything is ruined. I feel like shit, also it is his birthday today. I feel like I ruined his day

Question

I have been having trouble getting into relationships. I usually get lots of proposals from guys but some I reject right away, some i get close with and finally reject or distance myself from them once they show me a single flaw. For example, I was gonna give a chance to the guy from my uni within this week. But he told me a lie. Not a big one. A small lie. And looking from his part, he just wanted to make me feel special. But that lie broke me. Because lying to my face for whatever the reason is traumatic to me. 
I had an online relationship when I was 16. I got into it because I didnt know how to say no and I liked having that boy in my life. When I was slowly liking him and was opening up to him he told me that he has been keeping a dirty little secret of my bestfriend. They together kept something huge from me. The biggest heartbreak was when i reacted furiously to what they have kept from me. The guy said "This is why I didnt tell you. we knew you'd react this way. Please dont yell at your  friend now. " He litreally took her side. The one who did something shamless. I had a mental breakdown. I acted like a zombie for days. I didnt cut ties with them. But I became a different person. I started being so rude to them that slowly they drifted away from my life. But the guy asked for forgiveness for years. Although I loved him I never wnated him in my life as a boyfriend. I have finally learned to say no.
So the present story is this current guy also lied. It isnt as grave as the earlier one. But I'm so hurt. And I feel like everything I built slowly to open up has gone back to square one. I need to forgive but can I? Should I? I have never had a real relationship. And this guy seemed like a green flag. He loves his mother and sister. And he expresses his love a lot too. He got me gifts for my birthday and he is the first guy I trusted enough to go on a bike with and also to get upto my doorstep. I even invited to his birthday. But I feel like everything is ruined. I feel like shit, also it is his birthday today. I feel like I ruined his day

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

Don't feel guilty.You hv not ruined his bday.You aren't trusting him bcuz smthing like this happened before which has given u a trauma..Its completely fine but u shouldn't completely dwell on your past and forget to live the present..He may really want u to feel special but that won't justify his lies..Take your time,may the right person find you..!!