“I have a low-volume, high-loyalty approach to relationships. I don't let people in easily, but when I do, I naturally become a protective shield—giving everything, absorbing their stress, and keeping them safe from the pain I’ve previously experienced. In my first year of college, this cost me deeply when a close friend took my care for granted, treated me as an irritation, and held double standards against me while favoring another girl in our group. That experience left me exhausted, insecure, and guarded.

Later, a new classmate gradually earned my trust. He put in initial effort, was there for me when I felt isolated, and eventually felt like a twin brother to me. Because I had been burned before, I intentionally stayed on the periphery this time—I didn't pry into his life, and I only offered advice when he asked for it. Still, because I cared about him as a friend, I helped him out, mediated his drama, and looked out for him.

*Recently, the dynamic shifted suddenly. After missing a text while I was out, I called him back, only for him to dismiss me, promise a call back, and then act distant when I asked if something was wrong. In class, I noticed him pulling away from me to sit and talk with the same girl from my past—the very person he used to complain about.

While the situation and emotional impact feel milder than before because I kept more distance, watching these familiar patterns repeat leaves me feeling confused and hurt. I cut off another acquaintance recently for crossing boundaries and acting inappropriately, and part of me worries if this is 'karma' or if I am somehow the problem. In reality, I am just tired of walking on eggshells and wondering why my loyalty is met with secrecy and coldness. Am I really too much? Am I the reason everyone leaves the people who are there only because of obligation or no other choice? These questions are eating my brain”

Question

“I have a low-volume, high-loyalty approach to relationships. I don't let people in easily, but when I do, I naturally become a protective shield—giving everything, absorbing their stress, and keeping them safe from the pain I’ve previously experienced. In my first year of college, this cost me deeply when a close friend took my care for granted, treated me as an irritation, and held double standards against me while favoring another girl in our group. That experience left me exhausted, insecure, and guarded.

Later, a new classmate gradually earned my trust. He put in initial effort, was there for me when I felt isolated, and eventually felt like a twin brother to me. Because I had been burned before, I intentionally stayed on the periphery this time—I didn't pry into his life, and I only offered advice when he asked for it. Still, because I cared about him as a friend, I helped him out, mediated his drama, and looked out for him.

*Recently, the dynamic shifted suddenly. After missing a text while I was out, I called him back, only for him to dismiss me, promise a call back, and then act distant when I asked if something was wrong. In class, I noticed him pulling away from me to sit and talk with the same girl from my past—the very person he used to complain about.

While the situation and emotional impact feel milder than before because I kept more distance, watching these familiar patterns repeat leaves me feeling confused and hurt. I cut off another acquaintance recently for crossing boundaries and acting inappropriately, and part of me worries if this is 'karma' or if I am somehow the problem. In reality, I am just tired of walking on eggshells and wondering why my loyalty is met with secrecy and coldness. Am I really too much? Am I the reason everyone leaves the people who are there only because of obligation or no other choice? These questions are eating my brain”

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

Hi, You are a pure soul, who by your own words went through pain and wished that rhe pain should not experienced by others in your life which is a noble thought. 
Let me also tell you this, your vocabulary and communication is amazing. One more sign that makes me understand that you are an amazing friend and an effective communicator. 
I know its unfair but this is the way of the world. Even in my life, I have encountered ppl who complain about the very girl / boy they are interested in or curious about, maybe its a defense mechanism that they put up to save their face or show their false pride. It is twisted yes, but im afraid people like this are a normalcy in this world and people like you are rare. 
Be rare and be this kind, you will find your tribe and you will find your people who understand and empathise with you. 
God bless and please be kind to yourself too like you are with others