I have a best friend who is a bit toxic. We are in a long-distance friendship now because she moved, and my parents don't allow me to visit her place because they don't feel it's safe. When I told her about this, she initially said, "Okay, fine, I'll come visit you instead." But suddenly, her mom started telling her to make me pay for one-side of her cab fare.

Because of this kind of behavior—and whenever we go to a cafe—she orders whatever she wants to eat, even expensive things, and enjoys them comfortably, while I am forced to compromise and hold back. Earlier, when she lived closer, my parents didn't have any issues, so I used to visit her, and even then, I felt it was fair. But now, I don't even enjoy hanging out with her anymore, and I don't have any other friends. When we go to cafes, she always forces me to split the bill 50-50, even though the food wasn't my choice; it was entirely her choice, so I always end up compromising on everything.

Once, she said a lot of hurtful things to me, telling me that I am "too sensitive" and saying various other things. Her mom also said things about me, claiming that I waste her money. When I told her that I felt really bad about this, she suddenly blocked me completely. After an entire month, I was the one who reached out to talk to her first—she never makes the first move after a fight. And then, after all that, she had the nerve to tell me that I have a lot of ego.

So I want to ask: Is this okay?

Question

I have a best friend who is a bit toxic. We are in a long-distance friendship now because she moved, and my parents don't allow me to visit her place because they don't feel it's safe. When I told her about this, she initially said, "Okay, fine, I'll come visit you instead." But suddenly, her mom started telling her to make me pay for one-side of her cab fare.

Because of this kind of behavior—and whenever we go to a cafe—she orders whatever she wants to eat, even expensive things, and enjoys them comfortably, while I am forced to compromise and hold back. Earlier, when she lived closer, my parents didn't have any issues, so I used to visit her, and even then, I felt it was fair. But now, I don't even enjoy hanging out with her anymore, and I don't have any other friends. When we go to cafes, she always forces me to split the bill 50-50, even though the food wasn't my choice; it was entirely her choice, so I always end up compromising on everything.

Once, she said a lot of hurtful things to me, telling me that I am "too sensitive" and saying various other things. Her mom also said things about me, claiming that I waste her money. When I told her that I felt really bad about this, she suddenly blocked me completely. After an entire month, I was the one who reached out to talk to her first—she never makes the first move after a fight. And then, after all that, she had the nerve to tell me that I have a lot of ego.

So I want to ask: Is this okay?

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

No, it's not okay. She is clearly using you and her parents are supporting her in this friendship. I think your parents are right here, maybe you should stop reaching out to her. She's just selfish and I don't think so she considers you as a friend. If she did, then she would understand you. As you mentioned that her parents said things about you, in which she didn't correct them but blamed you. It's a red flag, please leave her. I am sending warm hugs to you. I hope you'll be find a good friend.