I find myself eternally frustrated that I see no pathway to the future I actually want for my life. My job pays the bills, but little else, and because of where I live and the industry I work in, I have little chance for an advancement or a change of positions that would improve my situation very substantially.

I want to be a writer, and ideally support myself by writing, but work and domestic responsibilities ensure I have little time to practice and actually produce work, just a piece here or there. Perhaps I don't want it badly enough, but I have always been someone sensitive to the fact that I only have so much time and I don't like the way I spend it (am forced to spend it). It seems an intractable problem to me, that I'll always just be unhappy because I want unrealistic things.

Any advice?

Question

I find myself eternally frustrated that I see no pathway to the future I actually want for my life. My job pays the bills, but little else, and because of where I live and the industry I work in, I have little chance for an advancement or a change of positions that would improve my situation very substantially.

I want to be a writer, and ideally support myself by writing, but work and domestic responsibilities ensure I have little time to practice and actually produce work, just a piece here or there. Perhaps I don't want it badly enough, but I have always been someone sensitive to the fact that I only have so much time and I don't like the way I spend it (am forced to spend it). It seems an intractable problem to me, that I'll always just be unhappy because I want unrealistic things.

Any advice?

Accepted Answer

I don't think wanting it badly enough is the problem.

Sometimes you can want something deeply and still not have the freedom to build your life around it.

Work, money, where you live, family, responsibilities — these things are real. Pretending they aren't doesn't make you more courageous. It just gives you another reason to blame yourself.

And perhaps being a writer doesn't have to begin with becoming a writer.

Perhaps it begins with refusing to let that part of you disappear.

A piece here. A paragraph there. Twenty minutes when you can find them. It may feel painfully small compared with the life you imagine, but small doesn't mean meaningless.

I also wouldn't tell you to stop wanting the life you want. Some unhappiness comes from asking too much of ourselves. But some unhappiness comes from asking too little.

You don't have to decide today whether you'll ever make a living from writing.

Just don't let the life you have now convince you that the life you want was foolish to want.

Keep writing.