“i feel so empty and lonely it physically hurts. i don’t have an affectionate father or an empathetic mother, all i have for parents are workaholic doctors who never had time for me as a child, the only person that brought me up was my grandma on my father’s side. i planned on getting into a med school for her, but when i lost her, life lost all meaning. there was no reason for me to get into med anymore but i was forced. i thought life in uni would be different, my parents would understand me and not abuse me anymore, i would have friends who actually believed me in me, not like the ones in highschool who ditched me forever an obvious lie. and someone not like my past ex who would just discard me to his will. i got into a new relationship things we’re okay but then my uni started getting very very suffocating and toxic. i was called a whore, bullied irl and cyber bullied just because i had coloured hair and i drank when things got tough. i wanted an escape, i have had abandonment issues and issues with intimacy but still i had trusted my boyfriend at the time, only for him to abandon me cause i confronted him on standing me up for like 5 times now just for him to hang out and go on trips with other girls. i was devastated, i felt like dying. i became an addict, had to push through med school all by myself because my parents don’t know the first thing about me. i drank with strangers a lot with no regard for my safety. i was SA’d. i wanted to kms. my friend at the time saw my vulnerability and made me his girlfriend, he took that as a chance to control me and abuse me (verbally) every day. when i finally got away from him, my uni started getting more toxic, deep fakes of me were made. i drank like there was no tomorrow. 8 months later im in a new relationship, i should have taken a break i know. but this guy was perfect, he knew everything about me and still loved me, ready to love me more. down the line things with us got “boring” too much stability i wasn’t used to. he felt i was easily overwhelmed and overstimulated too, he started pulling away, yelled at me a couple of times, discarded my feelings and turned hostile. right now we are on a break or whatever break up? i don’t know. i guess. but i still can’t forget the 2nd guy who i loved so so much with everything in me. he was the first person i opened up to regarding my grandma and my other issues. he is uninterested i know. but we are friends now since a couple of months. i have no friends, i cant trust anyone. everyone i’ve been vulnerable with has betrayed my trust by turning my trauma and feelings as a muse or a joke over lunch. i have nobody to rely on. i had a girl bsf whom i treated like my sister, she blocked me over everything a couple months ago, i see 0 reasons why she would do it. i was never hostile towards her too. i loved her more than anyone, more than him. all this time i felt i was alone but this time i genuinely am. i really am alone and lonely and scared. i see no future for myself. i need help. please help me.”
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Someone answered with kindness...
Don't go after people who ones used you and now don't want you, try finding someone who actually cares about you