I feel overwhelmed, like to the point I can't have a single normal day, it's like some kind of rock is sitting on my chest and I can't remove it, all these years, my life has been a mess, im sick most of the time, it's not to the point where I will die but to the point where I can't have a normal life, I have lost hope of curing it so I have stopped taking my medication, I barely get hungry, I can stay hours together without eating anything, and when I finally do eat, my body then realizes I was hungry but I can't have much because I feel like I will throw up, I dont even look that pretty, im not even that smart, my parents think im just lazy and if I work hard enough ill do good and I know I can do good but, I physically can't, because i get exhausted even by doing nothing, I think alot, im really lonely, I dont live with my parents since I was 9, I live with my grandma who basically raised me, I should be grateful but......the words I've heard from her....the fights we've had....i just can't, I know she had it rough too but it's too much for me, my friends at university....i can't call them friends? I dont feel pretty, im not smart, not healthy, it's just hard getting by everyday, I thought I would be dead by now....so I dont have any future plans nor any dreams, I still ill be dead, I want to die....i think it would be peaceful from whatever life im living right now, im truly exhausted

Question

I feel overwhelmed, like to the point I can't have a single normal day, it's like some kind of rock is sitting on my chest and I can't remove it,  all these years, my life has been a mess, im sick most of the time, it's not to the point where I will die but to the point where I can't have a normal life, I have lost hope of curing it so I have stopped taking my medication, I barely get hungry, I can stay hours together without eating anything, and when I finally do eat, my body then realizes I was hungry but I can't have much because I feel like I will throw up, I dont even look that pretty, im not even that smart, my parents think im just lazy and if I work hard enough ill do good and I know I can do good but, I physically can't, because i get exhausted even by doing nothing, I think alot, im really lonely, I dont live with my parents since I was 9, I live with my grandma who basically raised me, I should be grateful but......the words I've heard from her....the fights we've had....i just can't, I know she had it rough too but it's too much for me, my friends at university....i can't call them friends? I dont feel pretty, im not smart, not healthy, it's just hard getting by everyday, I thought I would be dead by now....so I dont have any future plans nor any dreams, I still ill be dead, I want to die....i think it would be peaceful from whatever life im living right now, im truly exhausted

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

I think you are beautiful because you went through all that and still survived not many can do that and beauty is not meant to be a face or looks and it can't be seen by themselves it's seen by others... I can relate to your health problems I'm also suffering right now but idk if it's as much as you we can't really compare our pains but we can sympathize and if you lived this long while suffering maybe there is still something for you to do that you didn't do yet how about you figure what that is maybe you should see everything differently you are saying you don't feel pretty, don't feel smart, not healthy as you said it's a "feeling" But not the truth feeling can be changed so why don't you start to take actions to make yourself better if health can't be changed other things can if you don't have dream then start thinking of things you do to escape the pain or things you usually do while trying to ignore all the other things that are hard , which makes you feel peace then try to learn more about until you find normal days more livable... Even I don't have dreams I used to feel same as you and always think I'm behind in life and suffering but realised you will be whatever you think and want to be... And people see you as how you represent yourself as even if we are not thinking of that even then we are what we think and believe so ... Hope you can see how beautiful and strong and brave you are and live maybe with lesser pain and more with purpose and love for yourself because you do deserve it... If you don't get it from others then give it to yourself... I know we are strangers but giving you a virtual hug 🤗 lots of good luck and good health