I feel an immense sense of disgust and contempt toward my ex.
Every time I run into him, my body reacts automatically: nausea, a twisting stomach, a knot in my stomach and throat, feverish chills, a rush of heat rising to my head, and the urge to cry.
This feeling lingers for days afterward, even when I am surrounded by friends and keeping busy.
We broke up a year and a half ago. Having a conversation with him is impossible because he's too cowardly to face his mistakes. And I can't bring myself to speak to him like a human being anymore, seeing how much he feels like a parasite to me.
I am sick of suffering because of this situation. I refuse to hide or avoid going to the places I frequented before we even met.
Has anyone else ever experienced this? Any advice?

Question

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

What you are describing is a visceral, physiological trauma and disgust response. While the breakup happened a year and a half ago, your nervous system is still treating accidental encounters with your ex as a live threat. When you experience profound contempt combined with a sense of violation or being drained (like a "parasite"), the body often stores that betrayal in the gut, throat, and thermal regulation systems—triggering nausea, chills, hot flashes, and emotional flooding.

Why Your Body Does This

• The Body Remembers What the Mind Resents: Contagious or visceral disgust is an evolutionary mechanism designed to make you reject what feels toxic or unsafe. When you cannot get closure or an admission of accountability from someone who hurt you, your nervous system stays locked in a state of high alert (fight-flight-freeze-fawn).
• Activation vs. Resolution: Even though you are keeping busy and surrounded by friends, an unexpected sighting acts as a micro-shock to your system. The physical hangover—lingering nausea, fatigue, or the urge to cry for days—is your body crashing after a massive adrenaline and cortisol spike.
• The Trap of "I Refuse to Hide": Standing your ground in places that belong to your life is a valid act of self-respect, but it can also expose you to repeated micro-traumas if your nervous system hasn't yet processed the initial wound.

Actionable Steps to Reset and Protect Your Peace

• Treat the Physical Aftermath Like an Injury: When an encounter happens, do not try to "think" your way out of the physical reaction immediately. Your body is flooded. Use somatic (body-based) grounding:
	• Temperature shift: Splash freezing cold water on your face or hold an ice cube to reset the vagus nerve and dial down feverish chills or heat rushes.
	• Exertion to burn off cortisol: If you feel the rush of heat or a twisting stomach afterward, do a brief, intense physical discharge—fast walking, shaking out your limbs, or heavy pushing against a wall—to let your muscles finish the "fight" cycle.
• Drop the Expectation of Closure: You noted that having a conversation is impossible because he won't face his mistakes. Accepting that he is constitutionally incapable of giving you the accountability you deserve is painful, as it means you have to build your own closure without him ever validating your reality.
• Change the Internal Script from "Defending My Territory" to "Indifference": Right now, running into him feels like an intrusion on your life. Shifting the goal from “I will not let him chase me away from my spots” to “If I see him, he is background noise like a discarded soda can on the sidewalk” strips him of his invisible power in the room. You aren't yielding the space to him; you are simply refusing to let his presence hijack your internal chemistry.
• Consider Targeted Support: If the physical symptoms and lingering multi-day crashes are interfering with your quality of life 18 months out, working with a therapist trained in Somatic Experiencing (SE) or EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can help "unhook" the physical panic and disgust response from the memory of him, so your body stops sounding the alarm bells.