I don’t think I’ll ever find love..
Context : had nephrotic syndrome since I was 8..my whole body and face changed due to steroids..
So obviously my personality changed..
I never really got teased I guess?
But after moving countries and going to a different school was hard.
The classic “my friend likes you” I used to get that all the time from boys. I hated it so much.
I used to wish they would all die - I know I’m exaggerating but that’s how I used to feel.
And I don’t feel pretty too..because i don’t know who I am anymore because my face has changed so much in months..when the dosage increased..my face would get rounder and when the dosage decreased..it would get slimmer. But it’s not changing much anymore since I’ve taken it for years.
To be honest,having Asian parents - specifically Indian parents is also..a bit exhausting
They don’t understand and they make me insecure too..
They comment on my looks and say it’s better for them to say it rather than people from outside saying it..
I just cry most nights because I’m too tired of everything. I bottle up all my emotions..some days I feel very depressed..some days I don’t..
I’ll tell you why steroids wrecked my life even though they’re the only reason keeping me alive..
-Weight gain (like a lot because they make you hungry)
-Moon face..yep a round face..I never had a round face..I was skinny. And now? It’s the opposite.
-A bit of hair loss
-Blindess/lack of memory = this I was lucky because my eyes work okay and my memory is still good but compared to previous years..it’s a bit slower
-Messes up hormones so messes up period cycles..I’m not joking..I’ve had continuous periods for months on end. Ofc I have to take medicines for that too..
-Insomnia..I can barely sleep
-Muscle cramps..I have very weak bones and muscles
-My immune system is shit..I get sick very frequently

Thankfully I’m not on steroids anymore but the effects are long lasting..
To cope? I mainly scroll on tiktok trying to distract myself and just watch kdramas or read webtoons..mainly romance and thriller.
When I read/watch romance kdramas..I end up crying because I genuinely don’t think anyone would love me..
Plus my parents want arranged marriage for both me and my sister OMGGG
I’m not doing that..or maybe I will I don’t even know
Btw..I have mocks this whole week till 18th..
And I have a gynaecology appointment tomorrow..
I’m sick of this..

Oh and can you specify if you’re a boy or girl? Only if you want to ofcourse..

Anyways..thanks for listening to my rant..
:)

Question

I don’t think I’ll ever find love..
Context : had nephrotic syndrome since I was 8..my whole body and face changed due to steroids..
So obviously my personality changed..
I never really got teased I guess? 
But after moving countries and going to a different school was hard.
The classic “my friend likes you” I used to get that all the time from boys. I hated it so much.
I used to wish they would all die - I know I’m exaggerating but that’s how I used to feel.
And I don’t feel pretty too..because i don’t know who I am anymore because my face has changed so much in months..when the dosage increased..my face would get rounder and when the dosage decreased..it would get slimmer. But it’s not changing much anymore since I’ve taken it for years.
To be honest,having Asian parents - specifically Indian parents is also..a bit exhausting 
They don’t understand and they make me insecure too..
They comment on my looks and say it’s better for them to say it rather than people from outside saying it..
I just cry most nights because I’m too tired of everything. I bottle up all my emotions..some days I feel very depressed..some days I don’t..
I’ll tell you why steroids wrecked my life even though they’re the only reason keeping me alive..
-Weight gain (like a lot because they make you hungry)
-Moon face..yep a round face..I never had a round face..I was skinny. And now? It’s the opposite. 
-A bit of hair loss
-Blindess/lack of memory = this I was lucky because my eyes work okay and my memory is still good but compared to previous years..it’s a bit slower
-Messes up hormones so messes up period cycles..I’m not joking..I’ve had continuous periods for months on end. Ofc I have to take medicines for that too..
-Insomnia..I can barely sleep
-Muscle cramps..I have very weak bones and muscles
-My immune system is shit..I get sick very frequently

Thankfully I’m not on steroids anymore but the effects are long lasting..
To cope? I mainly scroll on tiktok trying to distract myself and just watch kdramas or read webtoons..mainly romance and thriller.
When I read/watch romance kdramas..I end up crying because I genuinely don’t think anyone would love me..
Plus my parents want arranged marriage for both me and my sister OMGGG
I’m not doing that..or maybe I will I don’t even know
Btw..I have mocks this whole week till 18th..
And I have a gynaecology appointment tomorrow..
I’m sick of this..

Oh and can you specify if you’re a boy or girl? Only if you want to ofcourse..

Anyways..thanks for listening to my rant..
:)

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

i had some hormone therapy recently and it made me noticeably gain weight and it was very frustrating. i also am face blind and with own my face it is the worst; i see my face everyday and try to remember and i swear it changes and is unrecognizable when i look again. i cant relate to youre going everything through though. consuming media like that is probably making these thoughts worse. your parents sound mean and shouldnt critisize you like and you should talk about it upsetting you. i look like a girl.