“I don't know what to ask I have alot of things or questions maybe to ask but nothing comes out.. whenever I just try to say something I goes blank and nothing comes out I don't want to live i regret being alive I want to die I wish I were born I tried to kill myself before too but was never able to do it completely bcz I am not strong and also scared .. I am scared with my fear.. Fear of will my family remember me after I die? Will they blame eachother? Will they miss me? Will they cry for me?? Will they wish I stayed longer?? Fear of imaging them enjoying festivals being happy with still a hint of sadness bcz I am not alive fear of missing the good moments they will enjoy in future and I want to enjoy with them too but I would not be able to attend bcz i won't be alive fear of something i don't know what I am here locked in my room by myself passing time waiting for death to come and take me ... With feeling I don't know whether to do and with feeling I don't even know I am feeling.. I know this sounds ridiculous but it is what I am feeling something I don't even know am i feeling or not? , stupid right? But that's what I am .. stupid ! Worst ! The one who should just die bcz i deserve it ... Bcz I hate myself .. bcz i don't like looking in mirror I smile but feel sad for being happy I look at my pic I clicked and trying to write something I like in this as my therapist told me to do but all I see is a fake smile.. which is looking so beautiful so real so true but it isn't just a fake smile with eyes deep which I see and feel watery like about to cry but tears just don't come out.. want to cry kr shout soo hard but just keeping it inside me bcz I am scared loud noises now.. so me.. if you ask me if I get a chance to go in past and change something maybe I would try my best to being born..”