“I don't know if I'm aroace... Yeah. I don't know how to explain anything. Maybe I'm just overthinking it a lot. I don't see anything appealing about sexual intimacy other than the emotional intimacy that comes along with it. I like romantic stuff but only it they are practical as well.
I've never truly had a crush on anyone. I did admire a few ppl and thought it was a crush but i could never imagine myself in a romantic scenario with them.
But at the same time, i want love. I want my own person, my significant other. Someone to come home to, share my smiles and tears with, someone to care for. And not just in a friendly way, i want me and them to be above ABR other friendships they have, almost equal as family. Yeah, i would like to get married but I'm also fine with having such a life with a good friend of mine.
I get emotional attraction, sensual attraction. My love language is physical touch and it's the only thing that comforts and i crave it, i crave ALL of that. But at the same time, i don't. Like that's something i want in the future.
When i imagine my significant other, i think about that job, family bg, thier health and morals. Dates are just a walk in the park or dinner together or cuddling for me.
As much as I love physical touch, i freeze. Like genuinely, freeze and the other person has to approach me slowly, warm me up to the closeness and then i melt into it.
I don't mind trying sexual intimacy as long as I've known them for years and they are my partner and we already discussed everything and they are ready to stop the moment i feel weird.
It's kind of a demisexual thing maybe... But it'll not that's all in my head for the future, even if the most perfect person asks me out rn.... I with feel odd. I genuinely don't get dating at all, it seems boring and exhausting.
Also whenever i make a new friend that i really like (especially a guy) i start thinking that I'm in love with them and what not... It wears off in a few days but still it's so odd... Makes me feel disgusted.”
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Someone answered with kindness...
Hi, I am aroace and think I can give you some advice, though it is not always what is the most fun thing to hear. You see, our brains really want to sort things into boxes (aroace, not aroace) (black, white) ect but so many things exist on a spectrum. My recommendation is just to let go of labels, at least for a little while, it can be really hard to let go of because it becomes part of you but it limits what you let your mind do and can be very restrictive.
As a second point, you said that your affection for people wears off in a few days, making you feel awful. This, makes since...truly. I don't have anything to say about this part, for it is not something I have personally experienced but my only advice is just to enjoy the company in any way you can, be there, not in the future.
Another thing you could research is QPR's (standing for queerplatonic relationships) they can appear as many things and differ drastically person to person, looking romantic, platonic, or anything else.
Good luck, being a person is difficult but know that there is no one way to be one.