I don’t know how many people will understand this, but I feel that my elder sister has been betraying our family’s trust for quite some time.

For some context, my sister is currently waiting for her joining letter from a reputed multinational company (MNC), and she has been doing internships in the meantime. Most of these internship opportunities, arrangements and guidance have been facilitated by my mother, who works incredibly hard, along with my father. Both my parents have always done their best to provide us with everything we needed and have made countless sacrifices for our future.

My sister once had an excellent opportunity to secure a great placement through her college. Unfortunately, she didn’t make the most of that opportunity and, in many ways, wasted the time, resources and money my parents had invested in her education. My parents still regret certain decisions surrounding that period and feel deeply disappointed about how things turned out. Nevertheless, she eventually managed to secure a placement through her own skills, intelligence and efforts.

However, what genuinely bothers me is something else.

For several months, even before she secured her placement, my sister had been giving us the impression that she was consistently working or studying whenever she sat in front of her laptop after her daily meetings. She would say that she had work to complete and remain occupied with her laptop for hours. During this time, she would neither participate in household responsibilities nor show much consideration for the work happening around her.

But what my parents don’t know is that much of this so-called work time is actually spent watching movies, scrolling through reels, browsing YouTube and doing other unrelated activities. She has repeatedly presented herself as someone who is occupied with professional or academic responsibilities when, in reality, that hasn’t always been the case.

I’ve been aware of this for over a year. Yet, I’ve kept it to myself all this time.

The reason is complicated. I’m younger than her, and whenever I express an opinion or question something she does, my concerns are often dismissed as immature or meaningless. I know that confronting her would most likely result in an argument, with her raising her voice and turning the situation against me. If I told my parents, I’m afraid my father would become extremely upset and disappointed, while my mother might break down emotionally. I simply don’t want to become the reason for their distress.

What makes this even more frustrating is that my parents genuinely believe she is hardworking, responsible and consistently occupied with her career. They have so much faith in her, and it hurts knowing that there is a side of the situation they aren’t aware of.

I want to make one thing clear: I have absolutely no problem with my sister watching movies, enjoying YouTube or pursuing her interests. She is entitled to her personal time, just like anyone else. If she doesn’t feel like studying or working at a particular moment, she should be able to admit that openly. There is nothing inherently wrong with taking breaks or enjoying entertainment.

What I find deeply concerning is the deliberate dishonesty and the constant pretence. Why create an impression of being productive when you’re doing something entirely different? Why maintain a false image in front of the very people who have invested so much in your future?

This behaviour has also extended to her personal interests. My sister enjoys creating content, editing videos and posting them online, which is something everyone in our family is already aware of. However, even while editing her videos, she seems unusually secretive. Just last night, she borrowed my earphones to edit a video. When I happened to glance at her phone, she immediately started covering the screen and switching between applications, almost as though she didn’t want me to see what she was doing.

I couldn’t help but notice the similarity between this behaviour and what I’ve observed with her laptop over the past year.

I genuinely don’t understand why someone would feel the need to conceal even the activities they openly enjoy. It’s not the content creation itself that bothers me; it’s the unnecessary secrecy that surrounds so many things.

Over time, all these observations have accumulated into frustration, resentment and disappointment. Whenever I get slightly irritated with my sister, those feelings resurface, and my irritation quickly turns into anger. I end up shouting at her, she retaliates, and the situation escalates into a major argument. Eventually, my parents reprimand me because, from their perspective, I’m the one constantly creating problems.

They see my reactions, but they don’t see what has been building up behind them. They don’t know what I’ve observed, how long I’ve known about it or how much I’ve struggled to keep it to myself.

And that is perhaps the most exhausting part of this entire situation: being perceived as the villain while carrying the frustration of knowing something that nobody else seems to know.

I’m not claiming to be perfect, and I know that my anger and the way I react are not always justified. But I wish someone would try to understand where that frustration comes from instead of judging me solely by my reactions.

I don’t want to expose my sister, humiliate her or create unnecessary conflict within my family. I simply wish she understood the value of honesty, accountability and the trust our parents place in her.

My parents deserve transparency, not an image of perfection. They have worked incredibly hard for both of us, and I find it difficult to watch their trust being taken for granted.

I’ve been holding all of this inside for more than a year, without having anyone I feel comfortable sharing it with. It’s becoming emotionally exhausting. I feel overwhelmed, disturbed and deeply disappointed, and sometimes I don’t even know what to do with all these feelings.

I just needed somewhere to put these thoughts into words, because keeping everything to myself has become increasingly difficult.

Question

I don’t know how many people will understand this, but I feel that my elder sister has been betraying our family’s trust for quite some time.

For some context, my sister is currently waiting for her joining letter from a reputed multinational company (MNC), and she has been doing internships in the meantime. Most of these internship opportunities, arrangements and guidance have been facilitated by my mother, who works incredibly hard, along with my father. Both my parents have always done their best to provide us with everything we needed and have made countless sacrifices for our future.

My sister once had an excellent opportunity to secure a great placement through her college. Unfortunately, she didn’t make the most of that opportunity and, in many ways, wasted the time, resources and money my parents had invested in her education. My parents still regret certain decisions surrounding that period and feel deeply disappointed about how things turned out. Nevertheless, she eventually managed to secure a placement through her own skills, intelligence and efforts.

However, what genuinely bothers me is something else.

For several months, even before she secured her placement, my sister had been giving us the impression that she was consistently working or studying whenever she sat in front of her laptop after her daily meetings. She would say that she had work to complete and remain occupied with her laptop for hours. During this time, she would neither participate in household responsibilities nor show much consideration for the work happening around her.

But what my parents don’t know is that much of this so-called work time is actually spent watching movies, scrolling through reels, browsing YouTube and doing other unrelated activities. She has repeatedly presented herself as someone who is occupied with professional or academic responsibilities when, in reality, that hasn’t always been the case.

I’ve been aware of this for over a year. Yet, I’ve kept it to myself all this time.

The reason is complicated. I’m younger than her, and whenever I express an opinion or question something she does, my concerns are often dismissed as immature or meaningless. I know that confronting her would most likely result in an argument, with her raising her voice and turning the situation against me. If I told my parents, I’m afraid my father would become extremely upset and disappointed, while my mother might break down emotionally. I simply don’t want to become the reason for their distress.

What makes this even more frustrating is that my parents genuinely believe she is hardworking, responsible and consistently occupied with her career. They have so much faith in her, and it hurts knowing that there is a side of the situation they aren’t aware of.

I want to make one thing clear: I have absolutely no problem with my sister watching movies, enjoying YouTube or pursuing her interests. She is entitled to her personal time, just like anyone else. If she doesn’t feel like studying or working at a particular moment, she should be able to admit that openly. There is nothing inherently wrong with taking breaks or enjoying entertainment.

What I find deeply concerning is the deliberate dishonesty and the constant pretence. Why create an impression of being productive when you’re doing something entirely different? Why maintain a false image in front of the very people who have invested so much in your future?

This behaviour has also extended to her personal interests. My sister enjoys creating content, editing videos and posting them online, which is something everyone in our family is already aware of. However, even while editing her videos, she seems unusually secretive. Just last night, she borrowed my earphones to edit a video. When I happened to glance at her phone, she immediately started covering the screen and switching between applications, almost as though she didn’t want me to see what she was doing.

I couldn’t help but notice the similarity between this behaviour and what I’ve observed with her laptop over the past year.

I genuinely don’t understand why someone would feel the need to conceal even the activities they openly enjoy. It’s not the content creation itself that bothers me; it’s the unnecessary secrecy that surrounds so many things.

Over time, all these observations have accumulated into frustration, resentment and disappointment. Whenever I get slightly irritated with my sister, those feelings resurface, and my irritation quickly turns into anger. I end up shouting at her, she retaliates, and the situation escalates into a major argument. Eventually, my parents reprimand me because, from their perspective, I’m the one constantly creating problems.

They see my reactions, but they don’t see what has been building up behind them. They don’t know what I’ve observed, how long I’ve known about it or how much I’ve struggled to keep it to myself.

And that is perhaps the most exhausting part of this entire situation: being perceived as the villain while carrying the frustration of knowing something that nobody else seems to know.

I’m not claiming to be perfect, and I know that my anger and the way I react are not always justified. But I wish someone would try to understand where that frustration comes from instead of judging me solely by my reactions.

I don’t want to expose my sister, humiliate her or create unnecessary conflict within my family. I simply wish she understood the value of honesty, accountability and the trust our parents place in her.

My parents deserve transparency, not an image of perfection. They have worked incredibly hard for both of us, and I find it difficult to watch their trust being taken for granted.

I’ve been holding all of this inside for more than a year, without having anyone I feel comfortable sharing it with. It’s becoming emotionally exhausting. I feel overwhelmed, disturbed and deeply disappointed, and sometimes I don’t even know what to do with all these feelings.

I just needed somewhere to put these thoughts into words, because keeping everything to myself has become increasingly difficult.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

see bro i can understand your feeling ,as i am also in somewhat similar situation - but the difference is that -im like your elder sister..just waiting for my offer letter and just wasteing my time in front of laptop when my parents think im doing something productive
but in my case my parents/elder siblings also somewhat know that i aint studying that much ..

but the thing in your case is ( are you boy or girl first of all? ) -i guess you can have convo with your sis regarding the same - her future /shared household responsibility/her duties,responsibility as a child/ and after you have given her your set of advice then i guess you should just back off and leave her to her own good...like she is an adult ,got job , so have her own mindset/some maturity level /knows what might be good/bad for her(acc to you which she is lacking ,the underlying tone of your opinion says so)

or you have to do all of those household work ,so you kinda getting lowkey jealous that she is just escaping herself off from household work by pretending to work ..
and about parents hard earned money she wasted or something, you cant do anything about it , until she understand it herself

moreover about that secrecy/privacy thing you told -about her edits/content --that also i know living together we get that itch to know ,and on top of it she is hiding too so we wanna know it more..
but imagine the worst case scenario -what it could be (yeah yeah i wont point out ,and then compare those cases with yourself --are you a better person than her,will you/do you also do those things? ),otherwise no one can stop u ,if you really wanna know what she is doing ,u can that too u know that.

but i guess better option will be not to pry on her ,have maybe a convo ,and leave her by herself she got a job dude, she gonna leave your home/city anyways

and yeah even if she is doing something which you dont like,you wont be able to resist her forever until and unless she understands your pov ,understand it herself