“I don't even know how to explain what has been happening inside me. It's been nine months and honestly... there hasn't been a single day when I haven't cried or missed him.
I loved him knowing that being together wouldn't be easy. I knew about the criticism, the taunts, the questions and everything I might have to face but I still chose him. I was willing to stand against all of it cuz I genuinely believed we were worth fighting for. I never expected a perfect relationship... I just wanted us to choose each other when things got difficult.
But when everything fell apart, I was still trying to hold on while he chose to let go. I was breaking, looking for answers and hoping we could fix things while he seemed ready to accept the ending and perhaps the hardest part is that I never got the chance to make things right together.
Five months later, I'm still carrying all of it. I cry at night, sleep to escape my thoughts, struggle to eat, get irritated over little things and sometimes go completely quiet cuz I don't even understand what I'm feeling anymore. I look normal to everyone but nobody knows how heavy everything feels inside.
Sometimes I dream about being with him, and waking up to reality hurts all over again. I still miss him, still have unanswered questions and sometimes wish he would come back but I'm slowly realising that I cannot keep waiting for someone who isn't reaching out.
Idk whether I'm struggling to let go of him, the memories or the future I imagined with him. Maybe it's all three.
I just wish someone would ask me if I'm okay and genuinely stay long enough to hear the answer cuz I'm tired of pretending that nine months haven't changed me.
I don't just miss someone I loved. I miss the person I was before losing something I thought would last.”
✦
Someone answered with kindness...
This happened to me. Though I've now came out of it.
The only thing I can say from my experience is that you need to fully accept that you weren't the one for him. You were always like an option to him who he now thinks that you'll be there to come back to if he doesn't get anyone else.
Don't make him think that he is your whole life. You have to focus on yours cuz that's the only thing which will make you realize your own talent. Focus on your chores, things that get you appreciated, etc. I've seen myself drown into despair because of him but my comeback in the things I love made me realize I'm nothing without those things. They will always respect me in a way he couldn't.
I'd recommend you to think how disrespecting it is for you to like a guy like this who never wants to put efforts. Meet your loved ones, friends and get active on your social life. It'll help you a lot.
Ik whatever I said rn would be useless if you've heard these things all the time. But trust me, they only help you in such situations. There is a reason why this kind of advice is used for such situations.
When you realize that people respect you more when you do good, you'll feel the most perfect one in your life.