I dont actually know where to start, there is just so much going on with me right now, the main thing is that i feel unlovable, i dont know how to say that right, to the point of if some one fell in love with me i feel bad for them. Especially appearance, i feel ugly inside and outside, i cant help it, i know its genetic i know its human i know its all just natural traits and theres evolution and genetic reason behind how i look and how the way i look i dont hate them, i hate them on me. I know its just my skins, just a bag or a chamber whatever that covers me, I am just a brain, all of these are just things to keep the biosystem of me alive, conceptually though, i am a species of human, i sometimes sometimes just dont feel like human at all. I dont think its “not feeling alive” cause i can feel my heart bumping, i am breathing, i can think, see, feel things when i touch, so i am alive, no doubt. Its just odly weird about it. Its just sad that all of these exists but i cant be satisfied, everything makes sense yet not making any sense at the same time. I dont allow myself to open up to anyone because of my insecurity, i cant eat normaly, i cant eat without feeling like a failure, i dont think that i might be able to find someone that love me, i disgust myself in some type of way, i just want to chase wisdom but im not smart enough, i am studying pharmacy healthcare but im not doing that good, its just sad for me, everything at the same time, i have been feeling like this for 2 years now, i have tried to take my own life but there will always be so much left to hold, it will be a pity if i leave, so i stopped, i just want to live happily, have someone i love to love me back, want to eat without caring about calories, want to look at the mirror normally, want to be smart and successful, any advice?

Question

I dont actually know where to start, there is just so much going on with me right now, the main thing is that i feel unlovable, i dont know how to say that right, to the point of if some one fell in love with me i feel bad for them. Especially appearance, i feel ugly inside and outside, i cant help it, i know its genetic i know its human i know its all just natural traits and theres evolution and genetic reason behind how i look and how the way i look  i dont hate them, i hate them on me. I know its just my skins, just a bag or a chamber whatever that covers me, I am just a brain, all of these are just things to keep the biosystem of me alive, conceptually though, i am a species of human, i sometimes sometimes just dont feel like human at all. I dont think its “not feeling alive” cause i can feel my heart bumping, i am breathing, i can think, see, feel things when i touch, so i am alive, no doubt. Its just odly weird about it. Its just sad that all of these exists but i cant be satisfied, everything makes sense yet not making any sense at the same time. I dont allow myself to open up to anyone because of my insecurity, i cant eat normaly, i cant eat without feeling like a failure, i dont think that i might be able to find someone that love me, i disgust myself in some type of way, i just want to chase wisdom but im not smart enough, i am studying pharmacy healthcare but im not doing that good, its just sad for me, everything at the same time, i have been feeling like this for 2 years now, i have tried to take my own life but there will always be so much left to hold, it will be a pity if i leave, so i stopped, i just want to live happily, have someone i love to love me back, want to eat without caring about calories, want to look at the mirror normally, want to be smart and successful, any advice?

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

You are beautiful and gorgeous and smart!!!!
I am so sorry, I know that sounds stupid and you hate me for giving such a cringe answer and you don't believe me and you think I'm just lying to make you feel better
But I've been there too
And the ones who say that are the ones who've been through it themselves
One in a place like yours never understands why people say that until they've been through it themselves and say the same thing
Get on antidepressants pls love 🥺
It helped me so much and I think it will help you ❤️